How do you feel about your partner’s sexual history?

[Anonymous]

Well for starters, I have had a lot of trauma pretty much when I first started college. I was raped my 2nd semester in and continued to get blackmailed by the rapist for at least an extra year or so. I didn’t have a support system whatsoever, and that lead me to find support in males who took advantage of me in every way possible which ultimately lead me to get raped again by another man. In total, I have had sex with around 6-7 men within the last 4 years of my life.

Now, I’m with a decent boyfriend and he was a virgin when we began dating. I told him about all that had happened to me just so he was informed and he said he understood everything that happened/won’t judge me. However, he stated that he felt insecure/self conscious whenever we did things in bed because he takes what I say negatively/thinks I’m comparing him to another experience which I would never do. I told him I’m not really sure on what to say or do because it’s just something I carry with me everyday. He basically, to me, made me feel indirectly bad about myself because he kept on wishing that I was a virgin when we had met. What should I do? We already discussed this to the best of our ability yet I’m still confused with processing it.

[AD240pCharlie]

You can't change your past anymore than your partner can change theirs. Overall, whether my girlfriend was a virgin before me or has a body count in the triple digits, I won't care as long as there are no STDs involved. But that doesn't mean that it won't EVER bother you, a little bit of insecurity is going to be there.
Of course, your situation is different since all you have before him is negative sexual encounters, but in general, a high body count can and often does lead to the feeling of inferiority. After all, if she's been with 50 guys before me, what are the odds I'm even close to the best sex she's had?
The only thing to do is to accept that there's nothing to be done about it, and even if your feelings may be irrational, that doesn't make them invalid. You just have to realize that it's the way things are, and if you really love your partner, then living with those negative emotions is going to be worth it, the positive ones outweigh them.

[Asker]

Thanks for your response, but he did feel like he was inferior and even said that same question you asked to me. I reassure him all the time, but I’m not sure how he feels still. I guess I’ll have to wait and see because he even said that it’s just a time thing.

[PhilEvans]

The fact that he's insecure and thinks you're comparing him to previous partners is on him, not on you. Never feel guilty about not being a virgin, and ESPECIALLY don't feel guilty for having been raped. That wasn't your fault.

All you can do is communicate to your partner that you aren't comparing him, and your real feelings about how he makes you feel. Make sure he knows that you'll support him, but he needs to come to terms with it himself.

[Asker]

Thanks for the reply, but I do tell him all the time it’s just him needing to actually believe it I suppose. I told him day 1 if it bothered him that he date someone else because he said it didn’t so I’m not sure.

[LastQueenOfScotland]

Been in the same boat as you, just have to hope your boyfriend can understand and support you.

And with the body count most guys dont care about it🤷🏻‍♀️

[Asker]

Thanks for understanding and responding. He said he does but him being insecure doesn’t prove it. Just not sure what to do in the meantime but you’re right. I just wanted to be more open about it

[LastQueenOfScotland]

Being open is important, there's nothing you really can do but talk to him about it sorry bud

[Asker]

Thanks for your help

[LastQueenOfScotland]

Ever need just shoot a message, good luck

[SarahP080102]

I'm not worried about his past as long as he is clean and faithful

[AustinMan]

When it comes to sexual history, don't ask, don't tell.

[Berethor]

I prefer to not date a girl with such dark history, but he already made his choice, knowingly.

[Anonymous]

Well I’m sorry u were raped but I wouldn’t consider those good experiences.

[Asker]

It’s alright.. and that’s what I stated to him. I have nothing to compare our experiences to since I have had nothing but negative ones so he shouldn’t even have to be insecure. He said he’ll figure it out though but I’m not sure on what I can do now.

[Opinion Owner]

Ahh ok. Well ur his first girl right?

[Asker]

Yes I am. He had 2 other “girlfriends” before me but they both weren’t really dating.

[Opinion Owner]

Ahh ok. So ur his first fuck too then?

[Asker]

Yes like I said above, he was a virgin when we met.

[Opinion Owner]

Aww ok and do u think ur training him ok?

[Asker]

What?

[Opinion Owner]

So do u think your teaching him ok?