Should I be mad that my boyfriend at times masterbate when I’m there? He masterbates a lot and affects my sexual needs/desire?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I recently moved in together. We both work from home. He told me he gets horny almost every day during work. At times, he would come to me and initiate sex. At times, he doesn’t and just masterbate (and watching porn) in the bedroom without me knowing. He told me he only does that if he notice I am busy with work. Most times he comes to bug me for sex, he would ask if I’m busy first. Today, he didn’t even ask me if I’m busy, nor came to me. He just master-bated and I found out! The other problem is, he 99% only wants sex in the morning/mid-day, and maybe once in 2 months he wants sex at night.

If I’m horny, I would always turn to him first. If he’s busy, okay. I find it strange how he turns to masterbating first. Also, when he masterbated, he eitheir cannot have sex again on the same day, or the sex is not good. His masterbating habit is affecting my sexual needs/desire.

[Berethor]

In your case no, I don't think that your boyfriend is a porn addict, he turn to porn because you not make yourself available often enough, and he needs to bug you, really? look him turning to porn is better than him cheating. You don't want him to masturbate and watch porn? then make yourself more available, also considering how much you both stay at home can't you work on a sigh that show him that you not busy? you know like wearing something more comfortable or not wearing anything at all when you are ready for him? your boyfriend have a sexual needs that needed to be taken care of almost everyday, so it's not like it's hard for you to guess when is the next day that when he would need a sexual release, also you injured your leg and he had been doing all the work for the last 3 week, and he need to bug you for sex instead of you making yourself more available? no wonder that your guy go for porn, good thing that he don't go for other girl.

https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ImAManICantHelpIt

https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ReadyForLovemaking

[thecuriousone2020]

No anxiety when one masturbates (other than the risk of getting caught if that is an issue in the relationship). Often anxiety is a big part of what comes from partner sex: anxiety about how I smell, how my body will perform, will my body perform, does my partner like me, my body, how my body reacts etc. For many people, unfortunately, relationship sex is filled with so much anxiety that it is not enjoyable
A person is tired and masturbation doesn't require the same level of effort, both mentally and physically to perform
It is not painful. For both men and women, relationship sex can be physically painful and the inability to resolve the pain or effectively discuss it with their partner leads to the desiring relationship sex less or avoiding it
A person is bored
A person is bored with their relationship and wants to play out a fantasy in their head
A person is stressed
Because they like it
They don't have to worry about getting rejected by their partner
Their partner is sick, has their period or just doesn't want it when the partner does
They want to do it quick or don't have the time required for relationship sex
Their partner is traveling or away from their partner
It's convenient, like in the shower in the morning or evening
It is their best attempt to remain faithful to the marriage because they are really unhappy and don't have anyway to resolve marital conflict outside the bedroom
They do not desire the kind of sex they will have with their partner
It's fun
They want to indulge in a fantasy that they are: too afraid, embarrassed or fear rejection from their partner to share with them
They just want an orgasm and they know how best to get there in the fastest way possible
To learn more about their own body and what they like and how to reach orgasm

[summiter]

How often are you having sex with him? As you know all young guys masturbate frequently... but most will never admit it. I find it hard to believe that he can't have sex after jerking off. Most young guys can go for round 2 or 3 if they are turned on. Maybe try to increase the frequency of sex you have with him. It is OK to talk about sex after all. Tell him that you do like sex at night... what a great way to end the day and have some good sleep. Some jerking off is normal while living together but a lot is not. Tell him that you do not mind him masturbating but maybe offer to give him a handjob instead. They feel way better then doing it by yourself. What are your thoughts?

[JPrez]

This a communication issue and possibly a boredom (with dull sex between you) issue. You need to communicate your needs and desires to him or he won’t change. Also, since men are visual creatures, he “may” enjoy viewing other ladies body types and positions via porn. To fix involves not only the communication but different sex. Maybe add some spice - lingerie, new positions, dirty talk, public sex etc.

[Asker]

Strange thing is our sex is nowhere dull. He even told me we have the best sex. However, recently I injured my leg, and I cannot be on top.

[JPrez]

Sorry to hear that. It could be a cause but I think you guys do need to communicate and try other things as I mentioned. Also, I would initiate more. Guys don't want to feel like they have to beg or ask for sex. I hope I'm not coming across as this is all your fault. He does need to do his part too. Porn can become very addictive. He really needs to think about giving it up and concentrate on you more. A bit more romance on his part would help things too.

[boggboss]

Have you spoken to him about this

[Bagggy]

Well I think there's a phase for all guys where they've watched a lot of porn and just wanna get off regularly without much intimacy. It looks like that's what your guy is going through. I think he might be getting addicted to it. I think you should talk to him about letting it go for some time and focus more on intimacy and foreplay.

[YHL6965]

There is no should when it comes to feelings in my opinion, you feel mad or you don't. Now, when it comes to how you act with him, instead of raging at him, expressing that anger in a very raw way, I would rather talk to him about it, communicate. I would tell him how you feel but without accusing him, pointing fingers or blaming him as it will only attack him without making the discussion move forward.

For instance, you could try to tell him "I kind of feel a bit left out when you turn to masturbation directly without asking me. I'm not blaming you, but I would like to know your thought process when you feel like masturbating".

Keep something in mind though, even if you're the one initiating conversation about things you want him to know, he will probably have things to say so listen to him too and take his point of view into account so that you can find a common ground that benefits both of you.

[Redmanb]

Yes you have the right to be mad. Talk with him about it

[Redmanb]

It shouldn't matter if your injured.

[idgaf12345]

Because he had been doing all the work so its boring. I can barely move and stuck on certain positions

[Redmanb]

@idgaf12345 that may be but that's no excuses.