Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Is my guy friend into me and wanting to turn our friendship in a relationship or does he just want a blowjob?

We met in high school and got to know each for five years. We were both in serious relationships but I've always been attracted to him. I moved away, came back, we ran into each other, exchanged numbers. I called needing help moving in, he helped! We get along great! Great conversation discussing everything from politics, family, past relationships, sexual history and sex. He told me he'd rather debate with me than anyone else.
He likes to give me shotguns when we smoke and always says I have soft lips!
He's laid down and said I could take advantage of him. I didn't do anything because he needs to make the first move. He's never said he likes me. He's asked me come to his house and watch a movie. I said I can do some laundry. I really wanted to go but was tired. I think he was offended. He does my laundry once or twice a month for me and drops it off.
Then he directly asks me if I want to give him a blowjob. My first thought is why wouldn't he ask me for sex? Is he not attracted to me? I asked him, "Have you ask a lot of girls for blowjobs in the past? He said "Yeah, I have, and I got a one!"
He's asked me to go out and one time I said yes. He had to run an errand and was come back to pick me up. I get a text asking if I still want to go out and if I want to give him a bj after? Feeling frisky, "Yes, and me first!" No response. Frustrated and feeling rejected, I asked, "How attracted are you to me? Do you use this line on a woman you want to date? Do you see how I can take this as you disrespecting me?"
A week passes before he calls & comes over. At this point, I don't think he's into me. There's a chance he is & doesn't want to go down on me. I'm not gonna give him a bj unless he's willing to give me an orgasm. When I asked why he's again asking for a bj, he said "Because I think you'd be good at it"
He tells me I'm beautiful/good looking/hot. There's a lot of eye contact. It's all a major build up and I'm about to pop. Does he just want a bj or is he into me?
Updates:
+1 y
I continued to keep it just friends and then yesterday he called and said his ex, baby mamma, moved out and asked me over for dinner. He came clean and said the ex was still trying to make it work and using the daughter to keep him under her thumb. She fought a lot and yelled in front of the daughter and things didn't work out. I decided that I would end my 17 month abstinence and be with him since we're comfortable around each other with strong sexual chemistry. It was a long night.
+1 y
After we had sex and yes, it was my first and I'm sure only time where it started with me giving him oral. Then lots of sex. And the BIG surprise, he went down on me! It was the best I've ever had. He wanted cuddle after. Then he came back later, grabbed three loads of laundry and we agreed to meet up later that night. I talked to him five hours after the time we were supposed to meet. I was upset. He thought I didn't have any reason to be upset. Then wouldn't answer my calls.
+1 y
Turns out he was in a relationship with his baby mama. They never really broke up or at least not for any real amount of time. She did leave him/move out when he called and asked me over for dinner and we had sex, so he was single when we slept together. Found out yesterday she's pregnant with second child; a boy due in May. Baby's mama friend showed up at our mutual friend's house yesterday and told baby mama about me. She messaged me last night on FB messenger.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • you said it yourself that he is laid back, he is just screwing with you to see your reaction, maybe he could like you his own way but certainly not the way you expect him to be, i would never ask for a BJ from a girl that would consider for a relationship, you could try him and have something casual, but i don't think he would want anything serious, unless you really are very good with the BJ, lol.

    • Thanks for your honesty. That's exactly what I think. I have never had a guy ask me for a blowjob. Wtf! So, I can't help but wonder if he has an STD and I'm better off staying away from him? Why would a friend that seems to want to continue to be my friend, put our friendship at risk, for a blowjob? It's highly likely that it would be the best blowjob of his life, but is doing some laundry and helping me move in suppose to = me giving him a blowjob? Because I gave him $40 for helping as a thank you, so I'm not taking advantage of him. But he did bring over two large loads of my laundry that he does very well, and he said "I'm too nice!" I think maybe he's just an asshole in relationships and I'm better off staying is friend. Where do we go from here? The only answer is distance and I'll my attraction will die down, and we can hang out if I want. I'm definitely not using him for his washer and dryer. I make plenty of money, so I can say that he hasn't been a bad friend. So, maybe the real question is the best blowjob of your life, worth losing a friend you've had since high school? And if it's yes, that sad.

    • most men don't think that having sex or a blowjob would ruin a friendship, he just want some "benefits", but what else do YOU want from him except your laundry and his friendship?

    • Touche :-) The laundry and his friendship made me laugh! I want to see if there's something there. I'd like to have sex and if it's half as good as I think it would be, then I'm fucked.

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  • This guy is sending mixed signals. I'm sure he wants a blowjob, but doesn't appear to want to do anything else sexually. Why don't you tell him you'll blow him if he first eats you to orgasm, and see how he reacts.

    • Yeah, I did that, and he didn't come over and do it, which seems all the same as No to me. He said he wouldn't ask me again since I told him it could be taken as disrespectful, but then he did ask me again. So, I'm thinking he doesn't like to go down on women, and that's fine, but don't ask me to go down on you (three different times he asked). I even told him that I have TMJ and don't like causing my jaw pain. I'd rather have sex anyway. I'm a clean, beautiful woman, and he knows I'm not easy. That was the other thing he said, that he didn't mean to imply the I was easy because it's been a year and he's still coming around, and coming around more than once a week, so I'll give him that. We've talked about sex and he's never said that he's gone down on a girl, but that shouldn't stop him from grabbing me, kissing me, taking me to the bedroom and having sex. That's what I'm used to, and I'd say a lot people feel that way. He did tell me that a girl got on top of him when he was asleep and he asked her to stop, but she didn't stop, and he didn't want her to do it. So, that could have been a little traumatic, date rape. He does say he likes sex. We even agreed that three times a day is not too much: morning, afternoon delight and little sexy time before bed. I haven't slept with anyone since my ex and I broke up last October when I found out he was cheating on me. Could he have an STD?

    • It certainly is a mystery why he hasn't made a move on you even if he isn't into giving oral. Has he ever mentioned how he likes to pleasure women sexually? If you haven't asked him already, you may want to ask him if he sees you as a friend or would he like to take it to the next level and be your boyfriend.

    • I did ask him if he had an STD, as I do with all potential partners, which is why we've had discussions about our sexual history, and he's had some crazy one night stands, but says he's not like that now. I told him, I'm not a casual kind of gal, which he should already know since I've only had long relationships. He had just come out of a four year relationship with a girl when we ran into each other and started hanging out last fall. The day they broke up, she found out she was pregnant. I've met her once when I was at his house, she came over to drop off their daughter. I hung out with him and his daughter for three hours a few days ago while I was doing some laundry. I've hung out with him several times when he has his daughter.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 9

  • It sounds like he just wants a bj. Tell him that you want him to give you an oral orgasm first and then he gets the bj. Have you ever had sex with him?

    • I did tell him that when he text me and asked for a blowjob, I text him back feeling frisky and said, "Yes, and me first!" Then he didn't say yes or no, and we didn't go out. So, I don't think he goes down on women. We've never had sex. We discussed sex and I feel he wants to have sex, but I'm not going to pursue anything. At this point, I'm fairly sure he's not going to make me happy and will leave me wanting for more. We're on two different levels. It's best to uncomplicate anything and just be friends.

    • Good point. Maybe the friend thing is best. Move on as you can do better!

  • Are you both in relationships now?

    • No, we're both single.

    • Now that I've went against my original decision to not become intimate I've learned he was lying about his involvement with his ex. He said she found out she was pregnant the same day he broke up with her, and they had not slept together since the breakup. His daughter turned 1 the same day we had sex. She and him were fighting about how long he could keep her for a planned party at his grandparents with extended family to start at 4:30 until later that night. He had stayed with me from 8:30 until 8:30 that morning and was upset after talking to her. She was trying to say no to him taking her at all on her birthday. When I saw him the day after the party he said she showed up early causing problems wanting to take the baby but ended up letting him keep her. She had just left his house and was there to pick up the rest of her things. Supposedly, they were co-parenting but not in any relationship and slept in different rooms. I found it hard to believe that there was nothing going on. I asked him again when was the last time you had sex? He said they had sex three weeks ago but he didn't enjoy it. Really? Who knows how many things he lied about it! That would explain why he wasn't pursuing anything more than casual with me. I thought I had asked all the right questions in order to make a good decision on whether or not to sleep with him. We had decided on daily sex as part of a healthy, safe routine and to only sleep with each other. That lasted a day. He acted uninterested in having sex again the day after we had sex for four and half hours. I found that hard to understand, especially since it was his idea and he clearly enjoyed himself. I was not happy after being lied to and didn't trust him now. So, unsure of whether or not they're going to get back together, or maybe they already did, I told him we should go our separate ways. I never thought he would do that to me.

    • Yes, it turns out he lied to me for over a year and half. He said he was single, but she messaged me on Friday. The baby mamma and said they've been together five years! I slept with him. It was great. We are no longer friends and that is definitely his loss. I enjoyed the sex. I am hurt that I lost friend. I am definitely better off without his fake friendship. I will never trust him or look at him they same way. I feel sorry for her and all the other women she has and will continue to put up with. I think he needs to go to rehab. Turns out he an addiction for Xanax. He likely forgets and puts his addiction first.

  • It sounds like he either just wants the BJ and is not interested in you OR he is interested in but is not offering you anything in return because he may be lacking in sex skills of all types and is afraid he’ll be embarrassed in front of you.

  • he is not into you. He wants a blow job

    • He did say he liked me and was shy and nervous around me. He did go down on me and it was great. We had sex for four and half hours. I needed it. I found out he was still in a relationship with the baby mama, or at least slept with her and knocked her up again with a boy due in May. Turns out after talking to his three best friends that I've also known for a long time, they never thought they were together because he sleeps with who he wants, when he wants and answers to no one. I think the mother must be very naïve or low self esteem. She messaged me on FB messenger Saturday asking if he was with me. I ignored it. If she had any brains, she would run! He unreliable. He has no integrity. He was very emotional and focused on pleasing me sexually and I needed it, so I will say no regrets. I learned who he really was not someone I wanted as a close friend, so I told him to fuck off. He was cocky and mean, and I did nothing to him. Narcissist!

    • wow.

  • Seems like he just wants a blowjob and sexual fantasies and intimacy like fuck buddies but not much more than that, could be wrong but it seems like just wants to make sexual advances even though he’s not doing much to go in that direction

    • You are correct. He didn't want more because he was unavailable! He lied to me the whole time. He had a baby mama that he definitely doesn't seem to like much, but she is indeed pregnant again with a boy due in March. She did find out about us through his best friend. His best also didn't know about her until she had their daughter over a year ago. So he told me they were together for four years and he broke up with her and never slept with her again. He said terrible things about her. Definitely not a man I would want to be anymore than a sexual partner with, but now that he's lied and she knows and it's all very mind-blowing and shows he's not worthy of any more of my time.

  • Minus the sexual aspect and living together I'd say you're in a relationship already

  • He’s not will to quid pro quo?

    • Exactly!

    • That’s an issue. It doesn’t have to be oral for oral. But he should do something. Some guys think they don’t like going down on a chick. But they just haven’t done it.

    • Exactly, he has to do something, and I'm more than willing to guide and teach him.

  • I think he just wants one, young guys only think of themselves.
    Guys that are more mature know how to make a woman feel like a woman.

    • He's not young and should know what to do. I think the sex would be good. I don't think he goes down on women. That's fine. He just needs to realize I'm not going down on him either unless he wants to go down on me as well.

    • Good for you, serves him right.

    • Well, it turns out he was very good at oral. I am okay with the decision. I found out he was lying about his baby mama. They have been together, but were definitely broken up when we slept together. She is pregnant with a boy due in May, so he was sleeping with her and lied to me for a year and half! Just to have sex. I'm sure he would say it was worth it if sex was the one thing he wanted.

  • he just want a b

    • Why does he do your laundry and do you think that he likes to sniff your underwear

    • I think he does my laundry in hopes that I will somehow help him make money with his business. I'd have to check our interactions, but I'd bet that every one of them involve him making a profit in some form or fashion.

    • I did ask him if sniffed my underwear and he said yes!

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  • From what you’ve said I think he just wants a blowjob. Has he done anything else sexual like grabbed your butt?

    • No butt grabbing. He takes his shirt off a lot to show me his washboard abs. And, just last week somehow the conversation lead to talking about relationships, and he insinuated that he's not into casual anymore. That a blowjob to him would lead to sex. It seems childish to me the more I talk about it. I never made any advances towards him. My feelings have grown from being a close friend to thinking about more because of our constant interaction, and his need to sit close to me. He likes to hug me for long periods of time and scratch my back. He likes to push his leg against mine or whatever so that we’re touching and neither of us move away from each other.

    • He said that for him a blowjob wouldn't be just a blowjob. That is would lead to other things. And for some reason, I don't think he would've asked me for a blowjob if I had said yes when he wanted me to come with him to his house and watch a movie last week. It seemed like the first real advance. I said I would come if I get to laundry. Haha! It just came out, and I think it sounded like I wasn't interested in laying on his bed and watching a movie with him. He said, No, to the laundry. I think he felt rejected, and I did nothing to clear it up because I actually wanted to go, but I was tired. He'd already been hanging out at my house for a few hours. Netflix and Chill is the unmistakable invitation for hooking up! But, I wasn't at my best, and I don't want our first intimate experience occurring when I'm tired.

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