Men who sleep with many women... what is the reason?

[AmandaYVR]

'Supermodels' of the 1990s. Back before entertainers were the ultimate sellers of product.

I'm going to challenge your honesty and self-awareness on this one.

I'm looking for raw, honest, words here. Either from you, or hearing them from someone else's lips.
But of course, you can analyze as well.

Men... who sleep, or have slept, with many women/girls... what is your primary reason you have done/do this?

I'm not trying to put words in your mouth, I'm really not. I'm just trying to filter down to some semi-manageable group of reasons.
I'm asking this because I think it's an interesting question, and I hope you will be honest. I just saw a man answer this - he brought it up himself, he was not prompted - and his honesty was very refreshing. It got me to thinking.

If you don't like my multiple choice options, fill in your own in comments.

[MrOracle]

In some ideal theoretical world, you'd eat a delicious dinner every night. For example, I eat a steak dinner maybe 3-4 times a year. I'd like it to be more often, because a good steak is awesome. But even though I can't eat a steak dinner every night, for a variety of reasons, that doesn't mean I won't want the steak dinner. It also doesn't mean that I choose to go hungry - I eat "lesser" meals because I'm hungry and I need energy.

Along similar lines, I prefer to be in a relationship, and I value a relationship far beyond just the sex that comes along with it. But finding a relationship partner is tough, and it gets tougher as you get older. So many things are important in a relationship that all needs to line up or they don't work. So, do I just go without sex for months or years at a time, until I can find a relationship partner? In most cases, no. If I can find a girl who I like, but we don't necessarily have long-term compatibility for some reason, or she's not in a position for a serious relationship, or is just looking for some fun, why would I not accept a casual relationship? Yes, it's not the "steak dinner" relationship that I'd prefer, but it's a whole lot better than going hungry.

Plus, let's be honest: there's some excitement and adventure when having sex with a new partner, and learning their unique turn-ons and sensitive areas and so forth. Men in particular have an instinct to spread their seed, which encourages genetic diversity that strengthens the species, so it's natural that we want to have sex with many different women over our lives.

I totally understand that limiting sex to within relationships is much more important to most women than to most men - women's VERY different role in reproduction explains that very well - so I understand why women have trouble understanding why men DON'T have that limitation, but even if you don't understand it, the fact is, we don't. Many of us prefer relationships over casual, but when we don't have a relationship, we strongly prefer casual over nothing at all - we don't want to go hungry. Let's also not kid ourselves and admit that plenty of men want ONLY casual relationships, because full romantic relationships come with a huge amount of responsibility and risk for men, and if you can get what you want without assuming much of that liability, it's understandable that some men will prefer it that way. I personally place a lot of value in the other things a relationship can bring, but not every guy does.

[Jamie05rhs]

A lot of what you said makes sense. But I call bullshit on the "spreading the seed" thing. I sure you don't actually want all of those chicks to get pregnant. That would be a LOT of child support to pay!

[MrOracle]

@Jamie05rhs No, of course I don't mean that, in 2020, men are trying to impregnate a bunch of different women. But we have INSTINCTS to do this, back from a time when child mortality was 40% and childbirth mortality was 20%, and where it was normal to have lots of children in the hope that some of them would survive to take care of you in your old age (because no one else would). Instincts take about 1000 generations to change in any significant way, and our modern society is, at most, 11-12 generations old (since the Industrial Revolution). The instincts we have today were programmed into us 20,000 years ago or more, so they don't reflect modern society, with birth control and divorce lawyers.

[Jamie05rhs]

@MrOracle Okay. But many people were still monogamous back then. A man and a woman would often have as many as 10 children together back in the day.

[MrOracle]

@Jamie05rhs You're talking mostly of the post-Dark Ages Christians, yes, but even that 500 years is a small fraction of the 20,000 years I'm talking about. Humans have been around for something like 500-800,000 years - a long time. Modern society is just a tiny sliver of that.

[zeitgeist057]

@Jamie05rhs it’s a genetic inclination. Are you familiar with the concept of selective adaption? Take a species, Over time there will be mutations occurring naturally. Let’s say for a species it’s an extra eyeball on the back of the head. If this is a useful adaptation, (keeps the mutant from getting surprise attacked from the rear) then that mutant is more likely to survive and more likely to pass that genetic information to the next generation. With that in mind, take to humans: one that doesn’t like having sex, or only wants to have sex with one other human in their entire life. Compare that with another human who has a genetic inclination to have sex with as many other individuals as possible. Obviously, The second type of jeans are going to get passed down more often, and the asexual or mono sexual individuals genes are going to be passed down rarely if ever. It stands to reason, many generations later, that men who have this inclination to spread the seed are going to be more prevalent. Survival of the horniest.

[Jamie05rhs]

@zeitgiest057 No, I get all that. But you're incorrect about one thing: I don't have a genetic inclination to be monogamous. It's a cultural belief. It has nothing to do with biology. Who knows? If I was raised differently, I might have adopted the philosophy that it is okay to have sex with several women. After all, I do think that more than one "type" is beautiful. But you are absolutely right about what you said in your next paragraph. And that's probably part of the reason why we have so many fuckboys running around these days. Though, I'm curious: Have there been actual scientific studies done to show that libido is genetic?

[Jamie05rhs]

@zeitgeist057

[zeitgeist057]

@Jamie05rhs there is a lot of evidence that pretty much EVERYTHING is genetically encoded. Excellent point though about culture and society, those are some very strong influences that suppress our natural behaviors. This is quite handy for running a good society in which people are not just bashing each other‘s heads in when they get mad. :)

[Jamie05rhs]

Haha. True.

[zeitgeist057]

@Jamie05rhs I just thought of a funny thing I saw as a fake headline: “Scientists have isolated the gene that makes scientists want to isolate genes.”

[Jamie05rhs]

Haha

[MrNameless]

@Jamie05rhs Sure, but it's an innate biological thing. Realistically it doesn't work in today's society to impregnate every woman without consequences. But we still have that feeling/desire in some way, and have tied it with pleasure.

[MrNameless]

@Jamie05rhs and many men back in the day had multiple wives too. Some societies still are. It's allowed in Morman and Muslim societies (in the middle east for the latter, where its allowed).

[Jamie05rhs]

@MrNameless Maybe it is somewhat biological, but so many people just use that as an excuse. You don't HAVE to have sex with every broad in town.

[zeitgeist057]

@MrNameless re: "... it doesn't work in today's society to impregnate every woman without consequences..." I would argue that it in fact does work. Example:
I have had zero offspring in my life so far, even though I have had sex thousands of times with dozens of women (birth control).
But there are men out there, let's just say there's one guy, "Mike" we will use as an example. Mike has 12 kids with 12 different "baby mommas", and only actually knows about 4 of them (due to the women tracking him down and staying in contact, the rest are single moms with kids who don't know their dad).
Mike's behavior is largely due to genetics, but also influenced by culture. His offspring are going to tend to exhibit similar behavior, and it's safe to say at least half of them are going to have one or more children of their own by the age of 30.

So, 100 years from now, there will be none of my DNA roaming around the planet, and Mike's will have more than quintupled, with a high likelihood of continuing to grow exponentially.

See "Idiocracy" excerpt for a video demonstration of this principle: https://youtu.be/sP2tUW0HDHA

[zeitgeist057]

... and you think this dude is paying child support? nope. can't get blood from a turnip.

[tiptoe98]

Ok thought id put my two cents on this, but your missing the part were biologically women are not wired to sleep around because of fear of pregnancy and not knowing the father, this comes with women being extra careful in ancient times keeping chaste. Now let me ask you considering this do you think the vast majority of women from long ago were willing to give themselves up to just any man? No, men as a result were more repressed sexually and only hoped of being with a women by marrying her and promising security, wealth safety to get what he desired.

[MrOracle]

@tiptoe98 That's right. The vast majority of people married, and so the pool of single people was FAR smaller than it is today. This forced people to be much more realistic about their own Social Market Value and to seek partners with an SMV close to their own, rather than holding out for a 9.5 when they're a 3.5. Having said that, there has always been prostitution. Hell, the Catholic church ran brothels for centuries, because they recognized that since they would always exist, at least they could make them safer (and make money at the same time).

[Jamie05rhs]

@MrOracle One of the many reasons why I'm not a Catholic.

[tiptoe98]

Yes and that is also true but the woman in said positions were poor young broken without a doubt to be in such a place, it logically makes less sense for a simple women against intense societal biological and family stigma and reality of how intensely shameful it was to give her self to life as a vessel to such brothals. That is no joke because till today we still have remnants such as slut shaming since recently that adhered woman from even going that way, logically it makes no sense for her anyway. Plus your also missing that women like men run on their logic and instincts and is wired not to put herself at a disadvantage by not shooting herself in her own foot if not a care for herself then at least for her potential future unborn child. Plus man made inventions such as contraception just throws chaos in this order that humans spent thousands of years evolving and developing. Men just as women by their predicament were forced to stay inline. If a man wanted sex he asked for hand in marriage if he dare played a women or left her he would have her male relatives to face, society and other women not looking favourably at him because it depended on them not to mess up to not be ostracised from society like she would be for being a single mother.

[tiptoe98]

Also I think your putting todays perspective of times on a time long ago and that doesn't making any sense. Men were litrally locked with women from virginity, they were forced to have 'steak' from one cook every day. Why were words such as maidan? Or virginity emphasised? Why would men risk their lives for women, children? Why would men even make an effort to not disrespect a women or chivalry, asking her and her father for marriage, look around modern day still has fossils of such times even if we advance beyond our years our biology is still thousands of centuries in the past to keep up and evolve in our new ways, contraception just threw a spanner in the works

[MrOracle]

@tiptoe98 That's one of the reasons we're struggling with relationships: things changed SO quickly and so profoundly that our actions don't match our instincts, and this leaves us constantly confused and frustrated. And most people aren't even aware of WHY this is - they've completely forgotten (or never understood to begin with) about their instincts and that those instincts affect them daily.

[tiptoe98]

@MrOracle yeh and this is why I sympathise with the extreme resolves of both genders today. Firstly, The strong independent hard working women who works hard on her self says she doesn't need a man stays single childless all her life maybe a toxic feminist because why would she trust her life to modern men? A child also? She doesn't trust men enough to not drop her like a hat with a kid to deal with after feeding her stories Or the hard working man who has options maybe a toxic misogynist made his wealth and has plenty women offering themselves at him or he could a drop of hat pay for a prostitute, to them their every were of low value and not worry about pregnancy to some extent he also is in his subjective logical right not to care for any either his logic makes perfect sense, why should I share my wealth with a women? For what? Look at the divorce /family court/society system pfft no way am i risking that i get what I most need to function easily without marrying them. Their both reacting with real biological fear and guarding them selves had it been another time none of this would happen, wealthy men would get to sexually frustrated as virgins and women would have no reason to think a man will leave her or not take care of her after marriage and kids. This why in 3rd world countries today a lot of men and women get married and stay married for life more than westerners.

[tiptoe98]

@MrOracle Plus if your going to bring up Islam or mormenism and multiple wives phenomenon I can explain better than you as someone of one of these strict upbringing, because its almost my heritage even if I am no longer of faith. Anyway point is we humans are still human like animals we react naturally considering our environment and wonder why under it all today more than ever were sad , lonely , mental health rise, rise of discarded old people's homes and suicide increase especially with men. As newton once said 'every action has an equal but opposite reaction'. I think what men and women often miss is its the state who push this, the state of family court, the bombarding confusion messages to young women and men seeing women as objects or decorations in media, their invention of contraception and 'sex sells phenomenon' its everywhere what does that make? The state benifits the most work them all pay the bills separately dont let them reproduce so we can take their money instead, play on their instincts for money brainwash both and play them against each other

[tiptoe98]

@MrOracle here i posted this somewhere but it puts our times in perspective "bachelors/bachelorettes either serve the state as it chews and uses you all up or you serve your future family using the state. lts better to die in the arms of a man/women whos loved you a lifetime and given you beloved kids than the cold lonely arms of a chair in a care home forgotten, never loved, touched and used up by the state with no one to call home because you never married, had kids. a state burden. Waiting to die all alone. No one at your funeral. No one ever showing you what it meant be loved unconditionally, eternally, completely. The 21 st century nightmare of feminists and slighted men and the wet dream of modern governments." Take it as you may im more interested in what gets the best results not whats most popular also some more than others hate being someone's puppet im more of this than ordinary people since I grew up in the west but at home was very much raised as an Eastern kid so you naturally come to merge both worlds pick and throw what doesn't work to get closer to answers.

[Knighted2170]

Okay raw honesty.

I did do that. But it was for my own self esteem. I meant no ill will against them. I heard other guys and girls were hooking up all around me, and I wanted that to. I wanted what I thought they had.

Then I found out, from an ex, that she felt used and manipulated. I found I was using manipulative techniques, that I had learned, to get women. I felt terrible after confirming this with other exes. It nearly broke me. I thought they truly wanted me because they were sleeping with me. I didn't get why they weren't staying with me though. I wasn't being authentic, I was wearing a mask and just following a formula that worked for me.

I wanted that connection in a relationship. But I thought the connection was sex built the connection. I was utterly wrong. The connection comes first, and sex is the physical expression of that.

Hope that's an answer your looking for.

[AmandaYVR]

It is. Thank you. Some wisdom and insight here. MHO to you. How do I find your podcast?

[Knighted2170]

Thank you for the MHO. Glad to have helped. The podcast can be found on all major podcast distributors. Apple podcast, Google podcast, Deezer, and Spotify to name a few. It's the "Girls Ask Guys Show" Season 3 will be launching Christmas Week. But, you can hear me give that same explanation in Season 1 and 2 several times in different ways.

[TessCasie]

I'll tell you on behalf of my guy friend. I did have a conversation about this few days ago. His personal experience is that he always liked sleeping with four or five girls at the same time. And he had a rule with all of them that they knew each otherand that all of them are being fcuked by him. Second rule is if he senses them asking for more, he would stop fcuking and being friendly with them. I asked him why would you do that? He says cause he didn't want to get entangled emotionally with any girls. Cause if he keeps fcking the same girl for a long time he would get emotionally attached. MIND you thats him, he ain't speaking for other men.

[DavidFox]

He likely also doesn’t want them to be emotionally attached to him, that’s happened before.

[TessCasie]

@DavidFox yes ofcourse lol I tell you he is a great guy a good catch too

[AmandaYVR]

I mean this with no disrespect to you (you say "he is a great guy a good catch too") but this guy is scared shitless of emotional attachment. He probably thinks he's being 'fair' about it, because he's transparent and upfront, but sleeping with 4 or 5 at the same time is like purposefully, manically, spinning plates in the air. He's set it up to avoid any kind of vulnerability. I think he's actually deeply insecure.

[TessCasie]

Yes he is insecure but his personality and charm is what gets him most women. I agree with you in the whole. It’s just that some people are different.

[TessCasie]

On the whole*

[TessCasie]

Thanks for the MHO I was in pain listening to him tho 🤦‍♀️

[Newhead]

Self esteem issues, lack of spiritual awareness, social pressure, addictions, mental illness. Promiscuity from any gender is not normal behavior, it's a deeper problem we do not address. The more grounded you become, the happier you are to preserve your sexual energy.

[zeitgeist057]

For me, it’s motivated by appreciation of women. I meet so many different women who are beautiful in a variety of ways. Another answer referred to having a steak dinner; compared that to the ideal relationship, and said that they would have a “lesser dinner” as a temporary replacement for the steak dinner that they actually wanted. I don’t subscribe to that idea of a “lesser dinner”. If I were to compare women to food, one might be blueberry cheesecake, chicken Caesar chicken salad, steak dinner, clam chowder, a smoothie, etc. But take that smoothie for example, I don’t see that as a “lesser meal”. A smoothie is a delightful experience, nothing like a steak, incredible and unique, refreshing, tangy, joyful, and satisfying. A healthy diet doesn’t consist of nothing but steak dinners anymore than it consists of nothing but blueberry cheesecake. Variety is essential to a healthy and balanced diet. If you follow me, you can see how each individual woman has their own unique “flavor” that is incomparable to another. The beauty of discovering her heart, of connecting with her in an intimate and special way unique to us. That experience is why I have pursued and slept with dozens of women, and continue to engage women on a “case by case” basis. I regret none of my encounters, nor do I see any of those women as disposable goods that I used and left. We shared beautiful, raw, intimacy together. Not that every interaction was all roses and moonbeams, what I’m saying is that it wasn’t an empty experience, it was a moment of being present and then it was in the past. There are definitely some memorable moments, but when I have been asked about the best sex I’ve ever had, the answer that rings true for me is the sex that I am having in the present is the best, because everything else is a memory. What’s better, a memory of some fantastic Thanksgiving dinner six years ago, or an actual real life smoothie on your tongue this very instant? Life is best experienced in the now. I didn’t answer the poll because none of the options fit, as they all had a negative rationale/motivation (“I’ve been hurt”, “I see women as objects”, “I’m scared of commitment”, etc). Some of my lovers have known and stuck with me for over a decade, and are understanding of my polyamorus way of loving many different women. PS I love the photo you chose, and my first part of answering this question was looking at each and everyone of those women and appreciating how gorgeous she is, and imagining what sort of personality might be behind those twinkling eyes. What kind of cruel person would want to limit interaction to just one, and to withhold affection from the others?

[AmandaYVR]

Okay... well, I did not exactly love women being compared to food (again.) But whether you meant it or not, it does fit with one who thinks of them as temporary pleasures. Delicious. Until you want another meal and to quench that thirst again. But good job overall. You made a good argument and said it pretty graciously. I think I am starting to get a picture of you.

[zeitgeist057]

I would not limit the food metaphor to romantic relationships, nor did I mean it to imply objectification. I think of all of life as a “temporary pleasure”, which I don’t feel demeans or diminishes any of it in the slightest. If anything, I see my focus on being present as making life more meaningful, not less. I myself am temporary, but do I feel objectified or any less an incredible miracle by this fact?

[AmandaYVR]

You're non-binary, you have said. So how, if at all, do you think that factors into your sexual life and philosophy stated here?

[zeitgeist057]

Great question, and I really don't know the answer offhand. I would separate the two (sex life vs philosophy) and say for "sexual life" (or as I would put it, "romantic relationships"), maybe I have a tendency to attract women who are more attracted to non-binary individuals? It probably does tie into my philosophy of appreciating a person on an individual basis, because I have frequently received feedback from partners who have said things like: "If I had to pick the person who 'knows me best' I wold say you... you don't know my whole story... but you know who i *am*", "... I've never had such intimate sex before...", "... I'm so used to just picking and choosing what I share... because of fear. You are my safe place.", and "... it's always a comfort feeling understood.". From this feedback, I often get the impression our interaction is one of the first or only opportunities they have had at deeper levels of intimacy, with someone whose main motivations include learning more about them, understanding and accepting them for who they are. To love, as per my understanding of what it means to love. This is not an entirely selfless motivation, of course; I find the more I learn about others, the more I learn about myself. In addition, I derive satisfaction out of bringing satisfaction to others. (I think most humans do?)

[zeitgeist057]

(cont.).. How this ties into non-binary? I find the binary construct to be self-limiting; I prefer to live with my own consciously chosen limits, rather than the unspoken contracts of dominant culture. It first surfaced in my life with the discovery of polyamorous philosophy and has progressed naturally from there. Accepting others for who they are and appreciating their unique beauty in turn allows me to put the mirror on myself and feel the same acceptance for all aspects of my psyche, wherever they might fall on a standard binary spectrum. Without feeling the need to even compare or attempt to define them by those parameters, actually. Thank you for being you, by the way. I love your questions, answers, and especially your calm in the often volatile space of the internet. :) Also, thank you specifically for this follow up, as it caused me to stop and consider a lot of things I hadn't really before.

[DrunkAss]

I just traveled a lot and drank a lot. Moving a lot means that long-term relationships are impossible unless girls are fine with long distance. And they weren't the first couple of times I tried. I got greeted in a phone call attempt to wish Merry Christmas with a guy picking up the phone. Turned out to be her new boyfriend. I guess there's some pain there? But I think it does it a disservice to go Freudian here. When I got over it, I just embraced having fun and partying with girls who didn't care if I was gonna be in another city 2-3 months later.

[Daniela1982]

Because they like Ho's because they are easy peasy to screw. If they had to work a bit for it they would just look elsewhere. There is always a Ho who will spread them at the drop of his hat.

[21Cowboy21]

I've not slept with a lot yet, but a moderate amt. 15-25 over a 7 year period roughly. 26 currently. Looking more for a relationship now but certainly wasn't in univeristy. Short term one tops but mostly for casual fun and learning what dofferences are out there and exist in partners and the things I want long term and learning about the things I dont. I was in mostly good relationships or had good fun but 1 was physically abusive to me and I got trapped in a room on one occassion. I am a big guy physically but didn't want the accusation that I had ever laid a finger on her so took me an out to get out of the dorm using only verbal means to move past her blocking the door. Sje drew blood with that one across my stomach from her nails and kept trying to assault me. Very proud I took the higher ground and stayed reasonable so she doesn't have any way to get leverage one after. I broke up eith her over text as soon as I left - was 22 at the time 4 months only thank god no more time than that was lost.

[21Cowboy21]

So I had one other relationship that I was exclusive to her when she was 18 and I was 22. I found out 4 months in she had been cheating on me the whole time so I basically never chose to get into relationships with females younger than 23 after that and only use them for sex now as I feel like the vast majority just cheat anyway the min they do a girls night or get a drop of alcohol unsupervised and use that as a BS excuse to pretend its not what it is constantly from so many of them which is completely intentionally cheating. I want to try a relationship again soon though but I feel like there is a lot of double standards between the advice females give verbally and the actions of the guys they actually go for guy in reality being completely opposite most times. So I sleep around with different girls often as preference because I feel most don't deserve to be in a relationship with me anymore and I can't get burned if I don't let them get close to my heart easily. Its also fun to fuck a lot of different young girls are also want to who are 20-23 range. I would like to find a girl who is 25 to date seriosuly soon though as I do miss the intimacy and care in a partner you miss out on if its just a casual one night of fun - see you never type deal - thanks for the fuck and the orgasms type deal.

[21Cowboy21]

I also work in commerical banking and can pull easily now as most girls reject guys there own age saying they are actually too mature for guys there own age or some other bs - and go for guys 3-10 years older with dominance, looks and money. And they all seem to take turns sleeping with the few guys that worked hard enough through so many depressing years and late nights studying working and saving to finally aquire it. But I want a girl who I see as my equal long term. Most of the younger girls think they are but are just very gullible and easy lays - mostly due to their insane narcissism these days. I feel like were going to see marriage delayed a ton because of this - and we're going to see a lot of females not lock in when they're younger and not able to lock in with who they want when their older because people of both genders are becoming so narcissistic and vain these days due to social media. They are the only people who care about themselves so much though which is the irony.

[21Cowboy21]

Anyway, sorry for my late night post, I think I'm just very worn out from female double standards and being treated like crap through most of my teenage years and early 20s as a male. And I am one of the over achievers and school sports and career. Most of my friends are ined school and a few in law or teachers. I can't imagine how hard it is trying to date as the avg young guy these days. I was above avg amd still got walked over, physically abused a lot to the point of bruises and scars. Just very good to finally have things sort of stsrt to equal out now that I'm in my late 20s and well off health wise and fit, and have some spending money for my mustang and weekend pub run fund now. I wish girls could see how the avg guy feels around them based on how the avg nice male is treated like garbage for so long before the tables flip and the avg girl find it equally as hard down the road. I don't want anyone to end up in that scenario - but most guys don't have a choice early on. Most girls do - and I would urge them to lock in early be better to their male equals and not all go for 10s who treat them casually when their looking for commitment, and marry younger. This will probably be my last post on this app for a while. Take care.

[21Cowboy21]

*an hour to get out of the form.

[21Cowboy21]

Dorm.

[Lliam]

I'm assuming it's because it's like a pastry shop. Every delicacy looks so damn good.
"Mmmmm, I wonder what that one would be like."
I was never that way. I LOVE women but tended toward having cute girlfriends rather than sampling anything I could get my hands on. I wasn't into bragging or keeping a score card. That would have lowered the women's worth and my own.

Women and pastries have a lot in common. :-) But there is a big difference. People aren't mere consumables.

[19magic]

I think situation is missing. Like for me when I was younger say 13/14, I wanted to have sex in a loving relationship, I had a chance to at 15 with a guy who was pressurising me and wanted us to do it in the disabled toilets at the school one I knew I wanted an actual bed but more importantly I didn't feel ready, I knew I liked him (though the more he pushed the less I liked) but I didn't feel safe.

Fast forward 3 and a half years I'm heading to uni got drunk for the first time, and met a dorm mate who was generally with a different guy every week. Before then I always had preconvied notions of hoe, slut etc much like many of the pinks here. But that was just a single aspect to her, she liked having sex and she did have a few friends with benefits over the year we lived together, but she was pretty cool looked out for me and stuff. Which was when I started thinking if I'm forever going to hold out for this "magical" encounter of sex, when would I actually have it? I probably would still be a virgin now and while I don't believe every experience has enriched me most if not all have taught me something.

Anyhow so comes this night had some drinks went out, and I kissed this guy he wanted me to go home with him I refused. Then the next morning I was thinking why, it's not as if sex was a big deal so long as there's a condom and I decided to go for it. The sex wasn't amazing truth to be told and tbh I wasn't that attracted to him, he was sweet though and that's when I decided to learn more about pleasing and being pleased.

My second encounter was a year later and miles better than the first, I liked him and we clicked - forgot to ask his number and never saw him again. I did it twice more with two different guys the former seriously hurt me and wasn't great, the latter was good and was my first fling.

By this point it was my third year in uni, and I ended up with several ons. Initially it was to scratch an itch, I was horny they were horny why not, were not hurting anyone. Latter in the year though I started feeling depressed, nothing to do with ons and I used sex like one would any other vice aka drink, drugs, and I did it to feel pleasure I often felt like I was going through the motions of life and needed something that wasn't so boring kinda thing. I guess the other thing I should mention is that I didn't have much self worth I knew I was pretty enough to have guys want to fuck me, but didn't feel like I was important or enriching enough for guys to want a relationship with, if that makes sense. There were times I remember staying awake and just listening to the guys heartbeat it was calming and I knew they enjoyed themselves so it's like an island in the ocean and each time I did it I no longer felt as if I was drowning.

[19magic]

Add that to the fact while at uni everyone was doing it and while I didn't have sex just to do it too. It was more like I don't see the same standards applying to myself anymore, I was never in a relationship any of these times and I do doubt if I could share a guy, had I enforced any such rules of staying monogamous I would uphold them. I think another thing would be that I sometimes have the thoughts of sabotaging anything good and always awaiting the next bad thing, no matter what situation I'm in, and I realised that when I was depressed I spent a lot of time since then overcoming my short comings and I've reflected a lot on that last year of uni and learned a fair bit from it.

[Red_Arrow]

Pretty much the same as the reasons women sleep with many men.

[Jacqp]

Insecurities

[Jjpayne]

Well I'll say it from someone not it in, it's different experiences. I think that sex with one girl can get boring after awhile so you want a new sexual partner, plus in addition guys to my knowledge don't like commitment but they like all the perks that come with a relationship anyway.. those are my two guesses 🤔

[ShadezMcgee]

I feel some poll options are missing for answer possibilities. My body count is low because of two factors, I prefer commitment and the other choice was just in the moment of lust and vine when not in a relationship.

I am with a girl now and I can look at other women I see on a daily basis that are very good looking and think, "yeah, I could hit that" but for me I have to have a connection because it is more pleasurable, hence my count of 4. I can see it as a conquest angle, but it doesn't really sit hot with me because of my personal belief and value.

[Bat-Perv]

Because we can and want to.

[BeenThereLovedIt]

I chose C, but we've all been burned, or will be, I believe that's just part of life, at least for most people. Some people do live charmed lives, but we're not those people.

Anyways, I sleep with a lot of women w/o commitment simply because I have an insanely high libido. It simply needs to be fed. Maybe I'm an addict, who knows. I could just stop, but why? It's a fun and ultimately positive part of my life. Why live in denial and be miserable about it? Why try to "find some other hobby"? I have hobbies, they are positives in my life too - but sex.. it's just a drive, no different than the drive to succeed really. Just mine is really really strong.

[AmandaYVR]

Is your wife a net positive or net negative to your life? You've spoken on the situation before, and it does sound very difficult, but I ask because you have posted publicly about it, and it would have an impact on your views of women and relationships. I don't think they can be disconnected.

[BeenThereLovedIt]

I would have to say that she's been a negative impact overall, but I no longer allow her to directly affect my life outside of the obvious expectations that comes with sharing a home and child care. I only met her in my late 20's and married her in my early 30's, so I have a wealth of experience both before I met her, and in my mid 40's when I started dating again. All in all, I've had relations with probably 3 dozen women total - split equally between my younger dating years and my current dating.

[Deathly_Pheonix]

I simply enjoy sex. Like, when its consensual and neither party feels emotionally connected/wants commitment, I have no issue keeping things casual until something serious comes along. I also dont know if youd say I've slept with a lot. 10 total since I became sexually active just over a year ago, and 3 were girlfriends

[AmandaYVR]

Yeah, I'd say your rate is fairly high. But alarm bells are not going off because 3 were girlfriends. So I think you are like a lot of guys who are pretty casual about saying yes, or seeking sex partners out, but you have some ability to also connect with them emotionally. I remember we messaged me about one girlfriend and I thought you were very patient with her, so good job on that. I'm not your mother or sister, but I'd say just keep an eye on your true underlying motivations. With future serious partners, your history will matter to them, so you have to find a balance between sowing your oats and whether you can live with yourself and your past, up to that point. But I understand you're young and there's no need to get super serious yet.

[Avicenna]

Guys who have say they like the variety

[Citizenkirk]

I suspect that the reason you are not happy with some of the answers you are getting is because you are not being specific on the kind of information you were trying to get, the kind of people you trying to get the information from, or the kind of situation that this information pertains to specifically.
Without knowing anything about what is being asked, I don't know whether or not too include sleepovers and camping trips where I was sleeping with several girls in the same room, bed, tent, beach, bus, etc. In various states of undress, sometimes just sleeping 😴, sometimes not, sometimes Randy with each other, sometimes not, ---'' if your intention is to find out how many of us guys are dirty dogs or lecherous fools, then this probably isn't the best format to go about doing it, and if you believe that you're formatting of this question is specific enough in context to get the answers you want, then your admission that you're not happy with the answers you've been getting, acknowledges that that's not necessarily the case.
My own situation is a perfect example of how varied the possible outcomes of answering such a question could end up being. I'm extremely monogamous and have never even been tempted too cheat or stray when in committed relationships. I'm also ready too have fun with any freindly female who is interesting and interested, when not in a relationship. "There goes your dirty dog 🐕 theory, if you have one. Right down the crapper, where it belongs.
People are complex, relationships complicated, and your question, non specific in context or circumstance.
More information on reformatting the parameters of your question may produce more satisfactory results.

[yofuknutz]

I don't sleep around if I can avoid it but there's no way I'm ever going to let somebody live on me again they need to have their own place so she can come to my house I can go to her house and actually it's something that grown up with I cannot allow somebody to come into my life just to try to destroy it and it's not fair I like dating at the beginning you know why that's because you're not living together yet when you do you complicate things further nah I rather keep it simple.

[thefamousone]

For me it's because once I tried it I liked it and but after that 1st time also got cheated on and I hated that to have never done that but I continued to have sex and have never had told a woman and I loved her to have sex with her this not necessary but I prefer to have one good woman is I've had my share you might say...

[MecheD]

I’ve slept with many women and left the ball in their court. More than half I’ve had the idea of a possible relationship. And others I didn’t simply because of their prior situations or lack of self respect sexually.

[Apope16]

I voted D. I did a mytake on this "confessions of a ladies man".

First, it dealing with abandonment and sexual abuse in my past.

Second, sometimes I take what i can get. I want a relationship but is willing to enjoy a fuck buddy as release while i date to find a wifey.

[AmandaYVR]

That's the kind of answer I was looking for. Very honest, thanks. Feel free to link to your mytake here. I don't mind. It's on the topic.

[MikeTheBartender]

My answer is all of the above.