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I’m in love with my college crush?

I’m married now and I have a child, but I find myself always dreaming about my college crush. I still talk to him on a fake Instagram account and it has gotten sexual. I feel so heartbroken because I have to deal with a man I don’t love and I can’t be with my true love. I feel obsessed with him and I look at all his Instagram stories. I know this doesn’t matter but I’m black and my husband is black, but the guy I love is Filipino. I don’t even feel sexually attracted to my husband. The only reason I got pregnant was because I was very drunk at the time. I feel like my life is a mess and I feel like a bad person. What should I do? How do I tell the guy I’m with I love my college crush? Apart of me wishes my husband would just leave me on his own. I’m always on my phone and I prefer masterbating rather than sex with my husband. My mind is constantly on the one who got away. Please help me
I’m in love with my college crush?
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