How to get rid of bad behaviours that I got from my gene?

[Anonymous]

My dad and his brothers behave weird sometimes. They love their life partners, but still they sometimes try to flirt with other women.
I'm in a serious relationship and her family that afraid that I would behave like that. I'm 100% sincere and loyal in my relationship. But still, when she's away for long and I feel horny, I sometimes (rarely) get tendency to watch porn or sext with strangers ( just for that short period, when it's horny). But, I always try to avoid that as much as possible and I really love her.

Is there any way to get rid of such bad behaviours?

[Anonymous]

Therapy, check out if you have something that makes you more prone to impluse control issues, and learn how to practice self control/burn off sexual desires in a healthy way if you want to be monogamous.

Some people are born with a high sex drive but it doesn't mean it has to control you. It really comes down to what kind of person you want to be. If you are sexting other people you have already crossed the line and your girlfriend's family has a right to be concerned.

If your family has untreated bipolar or ADHD it might explain some of the impulsivity meaning if you get a diagnosis then you can learn how to deal with it. You sound sincere that you want to be loyal to your girlfriend but it sounds like when she is gone you are white knuckling it a bit which means you need more than just self control. You need a professional to figure out exactly what is going on.

[Asker]

Thanks a lot. I just have the tendency to sext. Recently I installed a dating app for it. But I controlled myself ( to be frank , jerked off without any help ) and uninstalled the app without even opening it. I'm trying to control myself as much as possible. Have heard that it takes an average of 66 days to change/create a habit. What do you think about it?

[Opinion Owner]

I think trying to just control the habit isn't getting to real reason for what is going on with you. It's just a band aid. Trying to control it without knowing what is causing it won't last long term. I'd still recommend talking to a professional about it. Start with a therapist first then go from there. If you are in a monogamous relationship the only person you should be sexting with is your girlfriend. It all depends on if you really want to be different than your other male family members. It takes work to make real change.

[Asker]

Yeah you're right. Thanks a lot : )

[Opinion Owner]

Could come down to having a high sex drive. That is still something to learn to live with if people are going to have a happy fulfilled life and fit into society well. It isn't really about controlling the high sex drive but picking healthy ways to deal with it that won't sabotage your relationship. Attractions will never completely go away even if you are in love with someone so it is better to deal with it now.

[purplepoppy]

All men have those genes, just like they have the genes to rape and kill. Being able to override our genetic programming is what makes us human

[Asker]

Ewww

[Andres77]

Bruce Lipton
Epigenetics
Dude was department head of genetic studies in Stanford University for years.
It's a thing... look it up. See what might apply to you. You have some level of choice in everything involved in your life.

Good luck

[Avicenna]

Find other things to do when she’s gone to distract you

[Asker]

Yes. Thankyou :)

[Anonymous]

Look for resources on behavior modification. It may or may not have anything to do with your genes. Many people want to cheat/sex with new partners but they resist it

[Asker]

I never want to leave her or cheat her. My tendency to sext usually vanishes in single jerk off.

[Opinion Owner]

jerk off first before sexting

[Asker]

Yeah. Good idea. May I ask a doubt? How do you control your sexual desire when your wife is away? Like, do you watch porn? Even watching porn while in relationship is cheating

[Opinion Owner]

i constantly watch porn and sometimes it affects my sex with her but it is not cheating because it doesn't involve another person, just videos or pictures

[Asker]

Yeah but still, you are enjoying naked bodies of other girls.

[Opinion Owner]

yes, as much as i can