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I remembered I was pushed into having sex. How do I deal with this?

Kitty_L
I didn't even think of this, and then i saw this scene at movie where guy quite forcefully pushed girl's head to his junk, and forced her to give him head. Then I just got flash back.

It was after work thing, we, our team just finished the project, and we were celebrating it, I'm strictly vodka kinda woman, but that night i did some whiskey, and i think that messed up my control, because i got drunk really early and easy. I remember going out of the pub, but i don't remember the night club, and getting to hotel. But i woke up at hotel with my co worker, we apperiantly had sex.

I was on my period, heavy flow, so i know even if i wanted to hook up, i wouldn't have started something that night.
And bed and sheets were like murder scene that morning.

I was just mortified that i bloodied everything. And awkwardly said bye and left, i felt like a shit, like this is my fault. And tried to forget it ever happened. And i was stressed that people at work would find out that we had sex, and if he would tell anyone i was bleeding, on period while hooking up, because at that point i thought i consented and had sex with him while on period, drunk, i felt like a whore.

But then, that movie scene was like boom, and i remembered almost everything from that night. I wasn't comfortable, i remember i tried to go home, but he and me went to hotel, and had sex, and he basically had oral sex with my mouth (i was almost passed out, i remember him doing it, but i didn't move or participated or anything), i felt like i got raped, but i feel that at some point i must have gave him permission because he is really nice guy at work, i just feel so messed up, because i didn't remember anything right after that happened, we just been doing what we have been doing at work, ignoring that night and joking at lunch time and being very co workerly, ish?

But now i remembered, i don't think i can be with him in same room, and not freak out, but it's already passed significant amount of time.
I remembered I was pushed into having sex. How do I deal with this?
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