Sexual Relationships
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Am I being unreasonable for turning down a nice, rich man because I'm not physically attracted to him?

He has been after me for months. He is extremely nice and treats me with respect, he is hands down amazing. On top of everything he is also very, very rich. And very serious about me. I gave it a shot in hopes sexual/physical attraction will develop, but it didn't. Now it's safe to say that it never will. I know it's superficial but I just don't find him physically attractive. To the point that I feel resentful kissing him (we didn't have sex yet). I felt bad and guilty and repulsive and stressed and I ended it. I broke his heart and he doesn't understand why. I tried to explain the best I could that I just don't feel the urge for intimacy with him, but all he says is we can work on it. But we can't. I am trying to ignore him so he can move on.

My friends and family are giving me shit now. They all loved him and they think I am being an immature brat for dumping a man like him for such a "stupid" reason. My mother said that I will never have family and kids if I continue being like this. Some of my friends think the same.

I know he was "perfect" and that I probably lost the best opportunity for safe and comfortable family with a man who loves me more the anything and was wiling to give the world to me, but I do not regret. I simply cannot fake chemistry.
0 2

Superb Opinion

  • You are certainly allowed to reject a guy because you have no chemistry with him. However, that doesn't necessarily make your friends and family wrong. It may be that the guys you have chemistry with are guys who would make terrible relationship partners, for one reason or another. (I obviously don't know you or know anything about your history - I'm just pointing out that this is a possibility.)

    Some people can't seem to attract a partner, or hold on to a relationship, because they are only attracted to the wrong type of people, and so when they do have a partner, it's a trainwreck. If that sounds like you, then it may be that you need some therapy to explore why you are attracted to the wrong guys.

    Certainly, you may never have another chance with a wealthy guy who cares this deeply for you. It may be that you can find a decent guy who you are attracted to at some point, but that guy may struggle with his career for the rest of his life, or may have a low-earning career, or whatever. And maybe you don't care about that, which is fine too. But if you think you're going to "get it all" - a handsome, attractive guy who cares about you and is wealthy and successful - well, you might have watched a few too many Disney movies, and you might need to get realistic.

    Again, I don't know you, and I might be completely off base here, but if your friends and family are trying to warn you, then you REALLY need to listen to their concerns, and even if THIS guy isn't the right guy, that doesn't mean that what they're saying doesn't apply more generally.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I mean this as polite as possible, fuck them. This is your life, who cares what they think, they aren't you. Who cares if you don't have kids and all the rest. What you want is important to you. Nothing else in the situation matters.

    You told him how it is, you gave it the opportunity to see how things would go. You don't owe anyone anything.

    And you know, all the riches and perfection in the world are nothing next to a love that's real. I would rather live in a tiny unit or something, driving my buz box car, with the love of my life any day.

    (sorry for the swearing, just makes me mad people in your life judge you like that)

Most Helpful Girls

  • No. You can't force yourself to love them. At least in this generation ;) I'd much prefer someone who I am attracted to for his.. Everything. And that means looks too

  • No. Your friends & family are being totally unreasonable. Tell them that. How do they have any right to tell you to let some guy hit it or date you.

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What Girls & Guys Said

3 16

  • What? No. You don't owe someone a date just because they want one.

  • No, you can't have a relationship without attraction.
    Attraction is the most important thing.

  • Not at all, it would have been unfair to him to date him knowing that was a dealbreaker for you.

  • No. You don’t have to date anyone you’re not attracted to.

  • You've done nothing wrong. If it isn't meant to be better to be honest them string it along.
    You're family are probably just peeved that they won't be getting slice of the money he has.

  • The attraction is either there or it's not. Resentment shouldn't be a part of the equation when someone is touching you, so I don't think you are being shallow by not wanting things to continue. I will say this though: you best figure out what the missing ingredient was because then you'll be able to look for it in other men. I have heard so so so many horror stories about people who compromised on attraction for a better payday, so it's definitely good to recognize when you are headed down that road.

    I think you just need to be realistic about what you are actually attracted to, and learn how to identify those individual traits in men. Suppose you have a thing for guys who ride motorcycles; what is it exactly about those men that appeals to you? Is there another way those traits get expressed that you find similarly attractive?

  • Yes , you are being unreasonable.

    Imagine how many women dream of the day when a rich man will even look their way ; a nice big house , the best restaurants, expensive vacations , fine cloths - it could all be yours.

    All you have to do is think of England.

    Once the wedding is over and the hubby is off making money then you can bang on the pool boy.

  • I don't think so. Attraction is very important. Your friends and family are being shallow.

  • You did the right thing.

  • Nope not at all

  • Money will never give sexual satisfaction

  • Quite to the contrary it means you're not a Gold Digger

  • Money means nothing, happiness means all and cones in furts place

  • You're a heartless bitch and kind of stupid

  • No, not at all

  • No, I've done that before.

  • No, you're not being unreasonable at all. You're doing the right thing by holding out for someone you love and find attractive. That's how it's supposed to be, and you are doing the right thing by him, too, whether he realizes it now or not. Unfortunately, many women would compromise on love and sexual attraction in favor of wealth, status and security, and in those cases they are hurting the man (and potentially their children) as much as they are hurting themselves.

    I think it's a sad commentary on modern women that you felt the need to ask this question.

  • Yes you do have a choice and attraction cannot be forced.

    Just dont go crawling back to him wanting his money in a few years after you have your fun with the hot guys.

  • I don't think so. You should find your partner at least somewhat physically attractive.

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