Could I have been sexually assaulted?

[Anonymous]

A month ago I asked GAG and most people shared their stories and I felt reassured and am a lot safer but I also asked because I read a story of a woman who discovered she was being sexually assaulted by her boyfriend in her sleep for a year.

I had got drunk for the first time (but still was coherent and could remember most of the night) and spent the night with a guy I was seeing at the time. From what I remember he took good care of me and didn't give off a rapeyvibe and I remember is talking. I'd spent the night many times before, He helped unbuckle my pants and bra and he turned on the shower and would come back periodically check on me (he left the bathroom when I started to undress) . I didn't have any pajamas so he gave me one of his shirts, I didn't have on a bra or undies only the shirt and my hair wrapped in a towel and that's what I fell asleep in. I have no reason to feel like anything happened to me but I've heard stories and seen rape so much in TV and movies I'm just a little uneasy thinking it could've happened to me in that situation.

I wasn't sore the next morning (he was slightly bigger that average and I would usually get sore around my vaginal opening after sex) and didn't feel any fluids around or on me. We always used condoms and I didn't feel or smell any residue and after we split I got tested and was STDs free but now I think what if something didn't happen would I even know when though I'm a really light sleeper? Depending on the guy that could have turn out a lot differently and I trusted him enough to drink with him but I believe you can't be too safe.

I've read people say you may not remember but your body would know and other people say the only way to know would be to see a doctor.
Have I just been watching too much TV?

[MrOracle]

Everything you described is evidence that this is a guy who cares about you and who took good care of you (got you home, cleaned you up, put you to bed, etc.), and there's no evidence at all that he did anything unwanted, so I'm pretty sure this is just paranoia and watching too many TV shows.

I'm not saying that bad things never happen in these situations, but when they happen, they are still the exception rather than the rule. I've known girls who got black-out drunk many, many times in situations that were BAD (at a party of a local "gangsta" a few times) - where being gang-raped wouldn't have surprised anyone - and somehow were fine. And the VAST majority of the time, if you're with your boyfriend or friends with benefits, you're going to be fine, even if you're completely vulnerable.

But here's a way to not have to deal with this paranoia: stop drinking or using drugs. Stay sober and in control. Then you never really have to worry about this stuff.

[Asker]

I'm not really a drinker or smoker anyhow so I haven't really drank since. I'm gonna stop watching so much TV though. Thank you

[chHaynes]

You've definitely watching too much TV I know it's worrisome for some females in that situation but you had somebody you trusted and he follow through with being a good guy with that guy I wouldn't worry about it as long as it as it doesn't get any worse than what you said

[Asker]

Yea that's what I'm starting to think. Thank you tho

[nachosaresexy]

Like you said, I think there would be *some* sign if sex went down. Sounds like the guy showed a lot of restraint (which he obviously should have).

I'm kinda confused tho - you've spent the night multiple times but it doesn't ever lead to sex?

[Asker]

In terms of me spending the night we were sexually involved and I would spend the night with him maybe 2-3 x a week so I felt comfortable enough to go to his house. Sometimes we'd have sex others we'd have plans to go out etc.. and yes he was my babysitter basically, I had thrown up on myself and he made sure I get there safely

[nachosaresexy]

Then yeah - he probably figured you weren't in the right mood for sex (and maybe he wasn't either).

[Asker]

Makes sense. When he was helping my undress he noticed I was wearing a bodysuit and said “ that'd be really hot if you didn't their up on it". So I think honestly he was just exhausted from watching me the whole night. Than you this helped me think it through rationally

[Asker]

Throw up**

[nachosaresexy]

Yeah bodysuit can definitely be hot. 🤙

[nachosaresexy]

I have a somewhat related question I'm curious to get your opinion about. Can I message you to try to explain?

[Asker]

Sure

[nachosaresexy]

It says I can't message you unless you give me a follow...

[OlderAndWiser]

Yes, it sounds like you are worrying too much about something that probably didn't happen, you had a previous sexual relationship with him, it sounds like he treated you respectfully, and there is no way for you to now know whether something actually did happen on that night.

Just reinforce your belief about drinking with a guy if you don't trust him.

[Asker]

That's fair and I did trust him enough to drink with him

[hahahmm]

Would you walk by a tiger with blood smeared all over your body? You're doing risky things so yes bad stuff can happen. That doesn't mean most/all guys would rape you but you never know. Being in a longterm committed relationship with someone is NOT the same as "a guy I was seeing" or a date.

[Asker]

We're weren't in a committed relationship but we were not than just hookups. Unfortunately we just didn't last 🤷

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

The way I see things I believe anyone could get raped/dated rape and realize the next day you just never know what goes through the head of someone your dating and you can't be too careful I am careful dating a girl who drinks cause guys got to be watched their self the same as girls got to watch their self and I think you are just being careful and I don't blame you?

[Asker]

Well thank you, and I feel like I am overly cautious so the fact I let my guard down made me nervous

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

@jackiejaii Your welcome, Best wishes on this 🙏

[Asker]

And to you as well

[Iron_Man]

Nope you were not assaulted And there’s no evidence

[Asker]

I can't stop thinking about the way it could've ended or of something did happen and I can't remember

[Iron_Man]

It didn’t and you have peace of mind so that’s good

[Asker]

I do kinda thank you. But I just want to stop worrying

[Iron_Man]

You have nothing to worry about everything is perfect enjoy your life. Next time just don’t drink that much

[Asker]

I will try to thank you and yea alcohol isn't for me

[Iron_Man]

Awesome I don’t hardly drink myself maybe once a year at my birthday one drink

[Juxtapose]

Jesus Christ women are paranoid, especially since men are violently assaulted more.

[Asker]

I don't know if you're the best person to listen to

[Juxtapose]

idgaf, do what you want.

[EduardoDealva]

I think your paranoid but sounds scary I would never do that to a girl😢🙂 they Soo sweet even when mean🥰🥰😘😘😉🤗

[Asker]

I know I'm paranoid but I can't stop thinking what if it did happen to me? I'm always on gaurd and that was my first time really being defenseless

[EduardoDealva]

Oo I'm sorry you're right

[Twalli]

If you don't fel like you were raped and you don't know if you were, you probably weren't. Most people aren't rapists.

[Asker]

Simple enough

[Guardian45]

What you described does NOT sound like sexual assault to me.

Why did you undress? Sorry, this sounds consensual to me.

[Asker]

I'm worried if something could've happened while I slept. I had been drinking that night and was throwing up so I undressed to shower off

[tHISpLACEiSbONKERZ]

You need a psychologist...

[Asker]

No shit

[Tstrbrainer]

No I don't think so.
If you are really worried about it, consider not getting drunk while you are with guys.

[Asker]

I don't anymore, I've only drank one other time at my own home

[Tstrbrainer]

Cool then. Anyway, I don't really blame TV.

[Asker]

Gotcha

[Tstrbrainer]

Yeah you can never take anyone for granted, some say

[Nayyr]

Lmao

[Asker]

How's that funny?

[Nayyr]

Read what you wrote

[Asker]

Are you a troll?

[Nayyr]

You're ungrateful

[Asker]

If you're not here to provide an actual thought or share your story I'm wasting my time with you aren't I?

[Nayyr]

Here's my thought: girls like you who are paranoid about getting raped or sexually assaulted still get drunk

[Asker]

You couldn't be farther from it actually. I don't smoke or drink, it's not my thing. That was my first time and last time actually being drunk. Now that was irresponsible to get drunk but as I said I did trust the guy enough to do so but I could've been hurt, and others have told me I'm just paranoid and watch too much bad TV. Don't put me in a " girls like you" catagory without all the facts.

[Nayyr]

Thats what everyone says

[Asker]

👍cool

[Dweezil]

If he is a good guy just ask him if you two had sex.

Maybe he was drunk too and assumed you were okay with it.

Like I say if he is a good guy he will be honest with you.


But this is a warning for all people male and female. Getting drunk makes you do stupid stuff.

There is no excuse for rape but as my father always told me "If you don't put yourself in bad situations, bad things won't happen to you".

Alcohol lessens ones ability to act rationally. So please think before you drink.

[Asker]

I would but we don't talk anymore. I think he talked the next day about all that happened, he didn't drink because he was driving us. From what I recall he says I immediately went to sleep and he watched TV or something before sleeping

[Anonymous]

Why do females so desperately want to be a victim of the “evil male”?

MOST male... and I mean MOST males will not rape a female. But if you are worried about males so much why do you get drunk and put yourself in stupid ass situations alone with males? It’s like being worried about getting mugged, so you cover yourself in gold and walk down an alley in Detroit. It’s just stupid.

[Asker]

First off, I don't know many women or men that want to be victims shit happens to people and they have to deal with it.. Second, As I've said I'm not looking for anymore opinions bc other here have helped me realize I was just paranoid and not used to being out of control of a situation and should stay with a close knit group if I plan to drink again.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps your best bet is to go and get examined by a Doctor or other specialist, and then make sure you never get drunk again. Maybe there is a way to view CCTV or security cams too.

However, TV and media are all fear generators. They do not promote love, strength or honor, they are designed to lower your vibration. There is no balance between good and bad, you're only being exposed to one side. Their depiction of men is one sided and this has clearly had an impact on you. Their depiction of women is also questionable too.

[Asker]

I'd only Seen a doctor to get tested and they didn't really see anything out of the ordinary that was suggest roughness or" forced entry". And I think you're right, most of my favorite shows will have rape scenes and I guess it had a bigger impact on me then I thought

[Opinion Owner]

Advertisers pay billions for TV adverts as you know. They wouldn't bother if it didn't have a powerful impact. This means that all of those scenes you watch will also have an impact. The question is why there are more scenes depicting violence, fear, and being over powered, than there are that promote being empowered. Willingly allowing that into our life is a mistake.

[Asker]

Well damn, should I just watch TV then? Bc most of the time the scenes add nothing to the plot and they just make me uncomfortable

[Opinion Owner]

You can just be more selective about what you watch. This is why i tend to watch a lot of the older stuff and cartoons. Some of the brain washing and programming in films is very subtle too.

[Asker]

I usually watch scary movies and dramas but even in comedy films I can't escape sexual assault scenes or suggestive situations