I have never had an orgasm and I think I know why. I have plan. Do you think this plan is realistic?

[Anonymous]

First of all, I am a virgin but I do have a partner. I just can not see him thanks to the lockdown.
I started masturbating at a young age by mistake. I have however never orgasmed.
I think I know why:

1. I feel uncomfortable because I am afraid people might hear me
2. I have trouble concentrating and I rush most of the time
3. I can not seem to relax
4. I do not have a sex toy but I am planning on buying one once I live on my own (after the pandemic) and have enough money.
5. I was once really close to it, but I chickend out.

I have a plan:
1. First I need to learn how to relax. I have downloaded a meditation-app in order to help with that.
2. I need to accept the fact there might be other people in the house and masturbate when they are not around or when people are asleep.
2. I need to learn not to rush. I hope my meditation will hope with that aswell.
3. I need to experiment more (eventually sex toy).
4. I should pay more attention and not be distracted, but at the same time not fixate on getting an orgasm.
5. I need to talk my partner when I can see him again. I am easier turned on with him than without him.

Do you think this "plan" is realistic? Have you struggled with the same problem or do you know someone who has struggled with this problem?
What else could I do?

[Anonymous]

It's a good idea.
But I think when you masturbate dont think about the orgasm as trying to force it out will make it harder to achieve.

Think of masturbation as time for yourself.
Lock your door
Lie back on your bed and just take a few deep breaths and relax.
DO NOT put your hand straight between your legs, you need to warm up first.
While still taking slow deep breaths use your hands to explore your body. Don't worry if it turns you on or not, just touch places the feel good to touch. I like to run my fingernails down my chest and belly.

Just continue this for a while, just touch and play with all the places on your body that feel good. Play with your boobs, massage your nipples. Again not thinking at all about orgasm. Just enjoy the sensations in the moment.

When it feels like the right time you can slowly start moving your hands down between your legs. Do not touch your clit at first. Instead massage your labia for a while and then start teasing the opening of your vagina ( I like to move my finger in a circular motion around the entrance but everyone is different). Once you feel like your vagina is hot and wet, get some of that wetness on your fingers or use saliva if you aren't wet and then finally begin playing with your clit in a way that feels good.

Again, dont think about cumming. If you make it your goal you won't cum. Just enjoy the good feelings coming from your pussy. Let your body guide your fingers and take some time to try different movements and strokes and enjoy the sensations.

You should give yourself at least an hour maybe more for this whole thing. The most important thing is to make time to explore your body. Don't think about the orgasm. You'll find that when you you take the pressure off and enjoy the pleasure in the moment that your body will naturally build to an orgasm when its ready for release.

If you just stick your hand between your legs and start furiously rubbing your clit you will probably never fun.

[Asker]

Thanks for your advice!!

[Dargil]

Yes and the idea of a plan prevents you from feeling helpless.
Two things you can consider.
*Acquire a quiet, effective sexual stimulator. They are not expensive and your guy can help out with the cost. The right one (I'll post it) is almost hands free. Just hold it there and it does the work. Then just let yourself reach orgasm as (the reviews indicate you inevitably will). If you order one, you can arrange to pick it up as a FedEx or UPS store or an Amazon drop box if you are near one, so nobody snoops. Here it is. Please. Read the reviews.
https://www.adameve.com/adult-sex-toys/vibrators/clit-vibrators/sp-satisfyer-pro-next-generation-104151.aspx
*Develop a means through online connectivity to masturbate together. Watching your partner self-pleasure is more effective and intimate than you might think.
Good luck.

[integrale77]

Sounds like you have thought things out.
An anonymous lady has covered most of the stuff that to consider.

Other things to consider that might help is picking a venue for your masturbation that will mask sounds.
A couple if places to consider is in the bath or shower loads of water splashing sounds and a shower will make more noise naturally with the added benefit that the jet of water from the head can be used during masturbation. In the bath you could chill out with some music to cover for any sounds that er aren't splashing.

From a male perspective most men learn to be quiet but in a lot of cases might start younger so get more practiced at keeping quiet. This might be off putting when your masturbating but something to consider learning.

[havingfun101]

I wouldn't want to pay full price for that deal.
The latest data from the Kinsey Institute indicates that 20 to 30 percent of women don't have orgasms during intercourse. But the number is likely much higher, says Carol Queen, staff sexologist and researcher at Good Vibrations, a feminist adult toy shop and education center in San Francisco.

[Danish87]

You are thinking too much that's the problem.

Just imagine something about what make you wet and urge for sex. And masturbate with flow.

Just keep in mind you control your voice, and there is less chance of anyone interrupting it.

And there's your orgasm.

[Nalix]

The partner should make the different. Tell him you want an orgasm and that you chicken out when you try to do it yourself. Once he figures out the right way to get you going, he'll be able to keep going even when you would have stopped on your own.

[Iron_Man]

what do you want me to tell you?

[okeydoke]

That plan sounds like a great place to start!
It sounds like you’ve narrowed down why you struggle and have found a good way to address it.
Best of luck!

[Valnac]

You can watch porn.
You can masturbate in front of a mirror. Watching that naughty girl playing with her pussy.

[Yourman89]

Sounds like a great plan! I wouldn't worry about others at the house. If you need it, you need it. Trust me, they aren't gonna not do it because you are home.

[bclbn77006]

I don't you are male or female but all the virgins undergo same feelings.

[Board_Tennis77]

I belive you just do it

[Asker]

Yeah it is not that easy for most women.

[Board_Tennis77]

Did you manage your plan