Me and My girlfriend haven't had SEX in 1 year and 7 months... I don't know what to do?

[VitaBellaX]

■Me and my girlfriend are 3 years together at the start very intimate and all the last year and a half... no sex, no nothing, not even a grope, - I don't know I was asking about it to her and she just laughs it off, and I find out today she just uses the shower head to get off...

■Lovely. Anyway I don't know what to do I tried a few moves before but she kinda laughs it off and pushes me away... I'm honestly now just so pissed. It's like we are room mates, that hug sometimes and kiss on lips once in a while... any advice?

[BeenThereLovedIt]

You know what this means, and if you are looking for validation of that, then here it is.

You need to GTFO asap. Believe me when I tell you, as a guy who married that girl. I mean, I didn't have that kind of forewarning you have, mine went frigid after we were married. I got the same thing, at first. It was she would blow it off, deny there was any problem really.

Then she got cold, because I had the audacity to still try once in a while to initiate. I did grand demonstrations, spent hundreds at a time on decorating or planning romantic trips, etc.. The last time we had sex was September of 2015. That year was special, because it was the first time we had sex in 18 months. She obviously just wanted it to be over as soon as it started.

Not only did it make me feel worthless and drain my confidence in all areas of life, it belittled me, as I'm sure it does you, and it makes you feel like shit 24/7 without even realizing down penetrating that is in your life.

It only lasted 2 more years before I started seeing girls on the side. I needed love and sex. Love by itself just doesn't work. That's what so many women can't seem to understand.. that men are wired to feel love as both a physical and mental combined, and the lack of one destroys the other. We may still love them, but it's no longer romantic. I didn't plan to live with a relative the rest of my life, and I'm sure you don't either.

And believe me, when you tell her it's over - don't sugar coat it, just both barrels.. "It's over because sex is important to me, and not to you". She might cry, beg, plead, but it's all a lie, and she knows it. You decide to stay or leave but come back, she will bang you just as long as it takes to get things back to the way they were. Don't even bother with wondering why she is that way. She's never going to tell you the truth, women like this never do. If she were honest, she would either have sex and make an honest effort to enjoy it, or she would leave so you could find someone more compatible. She doesn't care about you, only herself.

I could literally type 10 more pages of reasons why you should leave, but I think you already know them, and just need a little validation. So yeah, run forest run!

[hellionthesagereborn]

Sit her down and don't for one fucking second let her laugh it off. This is a serious matter, you need to talk about it. If that doesn't work and she doesn't take it seriously, you need to break up with her (because its not going to get better and if she cares that little about cutting you off from intimacy, well she is clearly self centered and doesn't care about you).

If you want to keep her, then next time she stops your advances, don't treat her like a girlfriend i. e. next time you go out for dinner, don't pay for her, don't buy her jewerly, don't buy her flowers etc. When she asks why, you tell her out right, she is refusing to invest in the relationship so you have no obligation to invest in it either. These things are privileges which come with certain responsibilities, namely being intimate, being engaged in the relationship, actively participating in the relationship, if she wants to be treated like she is your girlfriend she needs to start acting like she is your girlfriend and not just a mooch.

If that doesn't work, agian, you should break up with her because clearly she is just using you for a free ride and doesn't really care about you.

[luvstoned4him]

This guy deserves mho 👏👏👏❤

[TruthBringer]

Very well said! Although she doesn't deserve all that time and attention. So the first thing he needs to do is ditch her anyway. No matter how much he will try to bandage the relationship, it will remain broken. It's over for him. I got a strong feeling she is cheating on him.

[hellionthesagereborn]

@luvstoned4him Thank you. @TruthBringer I disagree. I think talking is something you have to do in a relationship. Now if talking it out yields no results, then I would personally break up because I'm not wasting all of my efforts on some one that sees me as just a paycheck (we wouldn't tolerate a guy demanding sex from his girlfriend but then never taking her out, never showing that he cares etc. so the reverse should be just as unacceptable). But communication is important, some times people are afraid to communicate, people don't realize something is a big deal until the other person reaches critical mass, this is why we communicate to make sure that everything is understood. Then after they have shown they understand and still don't care, then you cut them out of your life because no one deserves to be stuck with some one like that.

[luvstoned4him]

@hellionthesagereborn your welcome

[TruthBringer]

@hellionthesagereborn I'm all for talking things out. But then again one has to recognize when a person or a situation is worth to talk about or it's just putting a bandage on something that is beyond repair. Which seems to be the case in this situation. He can talk it out, but he shouldn't be surprised if he finds out she is cheating.

[Screenwriter]

WOW! This is awful. Sounds like the honeymoon's been over for 19 months!
Something is wrong with her. And there is no way to get her to discuss it with you.
You have to decide how you want to live. If you want a partnership without sex, then she's your person.
Why have you waited so long?
Unless she's physically SICK, I cannot see why she hasn't wanted to have sex with you. If you KNOW she's having orgasms by herself in the shower, you should be MAD! What is UP with her?
Start looking for another place to live and when you find it, pack your things and leave. She'll know why.
When you get over this disappointment, look for a partner who's interested in having sex on a regular basis who you enjoy talking to and spending time with out of the bedroom. Maybe that's why you've stayed so long. She was OK on all the other fronts. But a sexless relationship at 27? That is all kinds of wrong. LEAVE!

[neverendingloops]

Quite a bit of paranoia in the replies here. Just cause they’re not having sex doesn’t mean anyone is cheating.

It’s going to be tough, but the only way to solve the issue is communication. You HAVE to talk to her about your feelings. Say that you’re missing feeling close to her and that the lack of intimacy has started getting you down. Hopefully talking about things will find if there’s a problem/what the problem is. It could be something like stress or even tiredness, but it has been going on for quite a while so maybe it’s something deeper rooted. There’s always the sad possibility that the relationship has run it’s course if this can’t be fixed and you’re both not willing to make it work - but it might just be a bump in the road. Hopefully you can resolved things with communication. Good luck!

[MrOracle]

She's using you to be "the provider" while she's having fun elsewhere. in my opinion, you've let this go about 18 months too long (probably more). The right call is:

Eject Eject Eject!

You gotta know when it's time to punch out!

[Torari]

Indeed. He is her wallet. Not her boyfriend. She wants to have sex with her boyfriend. Not her wallet.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Time for you to move on?
It sounds like you're not sexually compatible. And sexual compatibility is important for sure.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

If she's not willing to discuss why sex isn't happening anymore, and not willing to work on changing that then maybe it's time to decide if you really want to stay in a relationship like that. At this point, it's not just no sex, it's that she as a partner isn't showing any thought to your wants, needs, desires but just to her own, and that's not what a relationship should be...

[JuliaStyles]

Either she is getting what she wants without having sex - or - she could be getting it somewhere else or you just can't please her. Who knows the real reason? Maybe you should have a heart to heart with her and get to the bottom of it. My question is why are you staying with her instead of finding someone who also would be interested in sex?

[purplepoppy]

She's getting it elsewhere

[msc545]

I agree with you. She's getting it elsewhere.

[Screenwriter]

I'm unsure of this. He said she's satisfying herself in the shower. Maybe she has no sex drive or is disinterested in men. This has been going on a LONG time.

[JuliaStyles]

Who do you know? I say the same thing and get 1 like. You say it and get 5. I guess seniority rules here. ha ha

[msc545]

@JuliaStyles Stop complaining.

[JuliaStyles]

@msc545 No one is talking to you, it was to poppy - unless you are her. Are you?

[msc545]

@JuliaStyles What do you think, bitch?

[JuliaStyles]

@msc545 Ha Ha, you sure sound like her.

[Flower7]

This seems like a pointless relationship. And unhealthy also. I get the idea that she's not very attracted to you or possibly cheating.

[Wade8888]

Both of you need God in your life. Your woman is asexual, and not qualified for marriage.

If you were married, you could divorce her in court and would win on the ground sthat she's turned asexual. The man can win this case if they average less than two times having sex per week. This is the woman just using you for free food and clothing, and you're a fool to go on with this so long.

Tell her if she doesn't start putting out, you're going to dump her sorry ass.

[luvstoned4him]

Red flag

I think she has lost interest in you and found someone else.

[luvstoned4him]

@Asker but I can see u really wanna fight for this. I feel bad when good people get the shitty end of the stick. Try to talk and give us an update.

[iseekpinetrees]

she's probably fucking someone else. Sit down and have a serious talk with her. Go through her phone intensely. I'd say u definitely have a good reason to.

[loveslongnails]

Going through her phone is terrible advice, in my opinion. Let's say you find nothing! Then you still have to talk to the person if you want to know why the thrill is gone. And let's say you find "something" and are convinced that's why the thrill is gone. Either way, the thrill is gone and it's doubtful you could get it back even if you find nothing.

[AGirl_x]

Yes... not good. She's fuckin someone else. And from what behaviour you described, laughing it off... Don't do anything stupid in the heat of the moment like hit her! ... Try to get an open and honest conversation but I doubt that will happen... it would have happened by now. You need to move on. I don't know how you did this fir a year and a half, but don't waste year of your life this way. You need a someone who will take care of your needs and you take care of hers... it's a shame to live like this.

[summiter]

I'm sure jerking off is getting old. Ask her "Why no sex" and see what se says? Is she seeing someone else?

Maybe it is time to move on?

[ZackBan]

No way dude it doesn't add up. Girls are naturally hornier than guys. If you can go for a year and three quarters without anything no way she can too.

Many suggest she's cheating and it makes a lot of sense.

But regardless I think if you decide you don't wanna end things you gotta start rekindling the relationship. Get back in shape, get a new haircut and a nice set of clothes. Start taking her on dates again and have adventures. Dhe might say she's not in the mood for it but you gotta insist. Make her be the one to initiate sex because of how excited you're making her.

The other option, and if she is cheating I would recommend, is to dump her. Maybe you two are only together out of continence and routine. You got used to being like this and see no reason to try new things in fear of the unknown. But that is unhealthy and you'll live to regret it. So do yourself a favor and get moving don't wait around for her and make a call

[Tamera952]

Duh, break-up, ... the end.

[kikino]

Your being used and now friend-zoned even though your dating her.
End it so your not bring taking advantage of. If she were in your shoes she would have dumped over a year ago.

[TruthBringer]

I'm sorry what? You said you have a girlfriend? Doesn't sound like a relationship to me. Sounds like you're roommates. My friend you have A LOT to learn about women from the sounds of it. She pushed you away? How about you push her out of your life and find yourself a woman who isn't leeching off of you and is willing to be intimate with you (which is the whole point of having a relationship, to begin with).

I wouldn't be surprised if she is cheating behind your back. And who do you think she is thinking of when she is getting herself off? You? HA! That's a no for sure.
You need to grab your balls and work on your self-respect, confidence and masculinity. And starting off by ditch her. She doesn't fancy you.

[Kiss_Me]

Time to move on mate. Sounds like she already has.

[EmmaMary]

Sounds very much like she's getting it somewhere else... Cheating.

[SphynxUK]

Leave?
If she has a problem she would have told you by now.

[Dongtai]

How are the other aspects of your relationship?


Do you still go out on dates?
Do you talk to eachother about your days?
Do you guys spend time together just relaxing, laughing or just having deep talks?


Sex is only a single piece of a puzzle within a relationship and you left out a lot. We don’t know what your relationship looks like. All we know is in the beginning there was passion and it died down over time. What’s changed between the start of your relationship to now?

[kkirk4442]

It sounds like she's not interested in having sex with you. You have a decision to make. Do you want to have a sexless relationship, or do you want to move on.