Sexual Relationships
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I developed a fear of being disposed after sex. How do I heal?

I haven’t had sex in 3 years. The exact date was September 3rd, 2018. So it’s been a little under 900 days since I had sex. With my friends I might joke about how “I need some d😂” but deep down I just don’t feel comfortable with it. I received oral sex from a boy a few months ago but I was not comfortable with progressing to anything more. I understand premarital sex isn’t supposed to be a thing anyway IF your religious which I was before I had some pivotal moments of change in my life. I didn’t know what to believe anymore so I just stopped believing in God for a chunk of these 900 days, but 2020 I had rediscovered my faith and haven’t really been interested in sex. What I actually secretly desired was healing. I have a huge fear of sex now that I didn’t use to have. My ex was the first and only boy I have ever slept with and we had a romantic and sexual relationship for almost a year before he ghosted me and got with another girl. He never revealed the truth to me and I actually discovered the truth on my own a few months after he ghosted me. After a while passed without an apology I started to feel disposable. I started to fear that sex was a tool meant for people to use me as they please and so that’s why I essentially gave up on it. I understand that it happens to a lot of people but that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with. I had consensual sex-there is no denying that. But I was manipulated and lied to and then disposed of. I don’t really want to think about it but I can’t help but to do so sometimes when I feel lonely (as people do from time to time) and then I look at the lengthy time period in which I actually trusted any man. I have dated and even felt healed at times, but I couldn’t just completely let go of the idea that I would be disposable to every guy who came into my life so I didn’t really believe in the possibility of a new relationship working nor did I feel a connection to any man. I felt like that was something that only other girls got
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Superb Opinion

  • Thus fear is completely normal and you have nothing to be shamed of. You should never have sex with a guy unless your comfortable. If any guy your dating gets mad or pressure you, he's not worth dating anyway. I promise you there are guys out there who will love you for you, and will love your body too, but they won't love you for your body. When you meet someone like that and you're with them long enough that you've developed a trust, you'll know when you're ready and he'll respect your decision.

    • Sorry, I only read the first third before giving my response. I just saw you said you rediscovered your faith! That's awesome! I'm also a believer and for me that means saving myself for marriage. If you're convicted to wait as well, know there are guys out there who are believers and will love you for making that choice!

Most Helpful Guy

  • Well believing in god is really good but if it makes you hate something that's not good anymore if you read the history correctly god wants you to do what your brain tells you is best if he wanted all humanity to go in only one way the life would become boring for everyone.
    you need some time to change your mind about sex if you believe you need it in your life but if you feel great just having a relationship you don't need to have any fear about not having sex

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Thats shows u are clearly not ready to be in a new relationship because u still think everyone man is just like your ex

  • What happened to you is very real and very common. And I'm very sorry. I believe in abstinence before marriage, and that is one of the main reasons why.

  • Well perhaps that meaningless sex doesn't appeal to you, for many reasons as you've stated. Perhaps when you find "The One" the sex will be amazing and you will actually feel comfortable safe and respected.

  • If you're looking for something for more long-term in a relationship for you I was just think about what you want want and go for it but you will fail so you can't be afraid to fail start first off the friend of guy and see what he's like and go from there

  • I’m tired of hearing girls complain that they were used for sex only.
    Why can’t girls use guys for sex only.

  • 1st.. no one is disposable... it was not a failure on your part, he was a failure... he was the "broken" person, I doubt you will ever meet another like him, you are wiser now. You aren't disposable and never were... he was a creep, and that's not "your baggage" to carry, that's his issue... Go on with your life, you are wiser now...

  • So what are you trying to say?

    • How do you begin healing?

    • I have tried to heal by forgiving, trying to forget, trying to stay single or trying to force myself to move on. And I can’t because I have a fear now that I can’t have a real connection. I have a phobia of falling in love and I simply didn’t use to be like this

  • Just fuck with someone

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