Standing at the cross roads, can you share your thoughts?

[Anonymous]

I’m standing at the cross roads, processing a BIG life changing decision.
I love the man I’m with deeply.
We have been together for 5 years.

I’m at a point where I’m finding it hard to deal with an issue in our relationship.
my partner is addicted to porn, watches it daily, I struggle with this because he watches young girls & I’ve been sexually abused at a young age being the young girl/older man scenario, its significantly affected me, what it’s done to my soul words words can not convey.
I’ve acknowledged this been a trigger, got counselling & working through the best I can.

my partner knows of my past.
Recently I told him clearly what I need he admitted the following;
I’m not the right guy for you, I’m just stringing you along.
Its about something I’m after it has nothing to do with you, I’m highly sex driven & like the feeling of been turned on. I want the feeling you can’t give it to me all the time.
I’m wrestling with not wanting to give it up.
Isn’t the addiction obvious.
I don’t care about how you’re feeling that is why it’s all fucked up, if I really cared I wouldn’t do it.
This decision has brought to me thinking that I could have a life without you.
I’m sorry your had to battle with this, you don’t have to be okay with it.
I know porn effects emotional intimacy so his response is no surprise, but hurtful.

He went away then returned (2 days) saying
”he is totally committed to me, he doesn’t want to lose me, he loves me, can’t imagine his life without me, will do what ever it takes & seek someone to help with his porn addiction”.

It’s been a week since the huge turn around.
Today I’m feeling like I stand at the crossroads, he hasn’t said anymore since last week.
I basically don’t want to be stringed along, I don’t know much about how to read this situation I feel emotional tangled in this and I’m keen to get outside optinions 🙏

[bowenw]

I would ask him how he is dealing with the addiction. Has he seen his doctor, arranged counselling, or joined a support group? If he hasn't done anything to prove to you he is committed to getting better, it may be time for him to find a new girlfriend.

[Asker]

Thanks for your opinion really appreciate 🙏

[bowenw]

I wish you all the best. Stay healthy and safe. 🤗

[Asker]

Thanks right back at you too 🙏

[Twalli]

If he's seeking help then stay with him, but if not he can't commit to you yet. I would caution you by saying it may not be easy for him to find help now, but if he is at least looking it at least means he as nts to commit, which is the important thing.

[Asker]

Thanks for your views 🙏 Yes agree if he gets help it’s good sign he is an addict not just leisure viewer. A guy saying he loves you & doesn’t want to lose you but is not sure if he can choose between you or the porn addiction has got to be a big warning sign that the issue is huge. He told me yesterday when I followed up progress he will sort in the next 2 weeks, thinking 🤔 should I wait 2 weeks for him to ease in to sorting or do I push for him to do something this week, no time like the present attitude?

[Twalli]

I would wait. COVID-19 messes everything up. If I had sn addiction I couldn't seek help n. v until COVID-19 ended.

[Asker]

I live in New Zealand so not too bad over here compared I the rest of the world... but yes can understand the stress is high and real with convid... hope all is well with you.

[Hogwheels]

I think he's not right for you and heaving hill m will hurt, but you'll thank yourself for it in 10 years when you're with someone you deserve.

[Asker]

Thanks 🙏 appreciate your time and view point on the issue.

[Meldrum]

If he's turned on by seeing little girls getting fucked or giving blowjobs, in real life or in LOLI land, if you married him you might find he will abuse your children. Just a thought.

[In_Trance]

I really don't see what you need an outside opinion here for. you need to move on and probably need to get some professional help as well

[Asker]

I am getting professional help for the many sexual abuse situations I experienced in my younger days. I’m seeking help here on people’s opinions as I’m emotionally confused at the moment with the whole situation and was keen for outside views as it may help me see clearer. I don’t want to talk to friends about this and thought this is a neural place to come.

[In_Trance]

Every person with internet access has watched porn. To varying degrees. It's not a big deal unless it's interfering with daily life. Like, he calls in sick to work so he can stay home and watch for example. I really don't think it's that big of deal

[Waldoe]

just ask him..."what have you done to fix yourself" go from there, maybe he has gone cold turkey and is doing ok

[Asker]

Thanks 🙏 for your comment. asked him yesterday and he said he will do in the next week. I then followed up the divorce he said he would get from his ex wife since it’s been 6 years since they parted and we have been together for 5... as he said he would do settle this to me last week and he got quite annoyed and said will do this week 🙄 So do I give 2 weeks for both, or just say sort it this week I’m so distracted right now 😕

[Waldoe]

Addiction is No joke, Drugs, Alcohol, Porn... it's psychological, he will not do it on his own, nobody can or does. He will get angry, he will be in denial.. he is an addict, in the true sense of the word... Just thatnk God that it won't kill him or some stranger on the roads coming home from a bar

[harry7825]

Why he doesn't likes you

[Asker]

Interested to know why you say this comment, guys perspective maybe you can see something in his behaviour, can you please expand on your view thanks 🙏