I made out with this guy from the club and totally regret it?

[Lxcylxcy]

Hey,
So I’m a girl and 19 years old. Last weekend I was clubbing with my friends and we bumped into these guys and one happened to be my friends ex or something. We left the club with them not knowing where we about to go and they brought us to a hotel. I made out with one of the guys in the club before we left. So don’t ask me how but these guys really convinced us to stay with them at the hotel (it was already like 5 am or something anyways) so they paid for 3 rooms and I was in a room with the guy I made out with at the club. In the room we made out again but then I told him I didn’t want to anymore. We stopped and were talking a little then we went to sleep. When we woke up we made out again but this time it was a heavy workout. Like he was sucking my tits and was rubbing me, we had dry sex... I was kinda uncomfortable tbh especially since that was only my second time kissing a guy and I didn’t even know him... yet I didn’t stop him... well he clearly wanted to gave sex with me and told me he had protection , he tried to finger me and unzip my jeans but I gladly stopped him from all that. Even though we didn’t have sex, after our make out I felt Very bad about myself. I honestly feel very slutty. It’s like I’ve never even done this things with a guy and I can’t even believe I did all of this with a guy from the club! I don’t know but I think I’m kinda traumatized... I mean he didn’t do all this stuff without my permission yet I was so uncomfortable and I think we shouldn’t have gotten any further than kissing. I just don’t know how to let go of that night and forget that guy. I would like advice and yalls opinions please.

[Laura_Marx]

There is nothing to regret; its over now, and you don't have to do it again. So don't worry! I think it can be hard to enforce your boundaries in an unfamiliar situation like that. And anyway, we don't always know what we want until much later. If you agree to something and then change your mind, it can be difficult to articulate that. All of this gets better with familiarity. Next time you're in a situation like that you'll know better what your boundaries are and how to articulate them.

And, I don't think anything you did makes you a 'slut' or anything. There's really nothing unusual about heavy petting in your 20s. But staying in a hotel with someone I just met that night is something I probably wouldn't do, even as someone who has a *lot* of casual sex! for the specific reason that it is hard to have boundaries in such an unfamiliar situation. What if things don't go well and they kick me out, at 5am in the middle of nowhere? That's not a situation I want to worry about when I'm cruising!

[Lxcylxcy]

Yeah it was a pretty stupid and naive idea to stay with him at the hotel...

[Alexandrubaschet08]

Why do you feel bad, that what you wanted. Is not like you force yourself or he forced you.
Olso if he didn't akt like a bad guy why feeling bad?
It whas an experience for you, in sex is needed a lot of comunication. If you want it say it, if you don't then say it olso.
Say that you feel unconfortable, the guy can't read your minde.
In my opinion you don't have why to feel bad, make shure to be more in control next time will be my advice.

[Lxcylxcy]

I definitely will be taking your advice thank you

[Alexandrubaschet08]

thanks as well :)

[JPrez]

Live and learn from it. Own it. You made a mistake. We're human and we all do stupid things. If you are ashamed of your actions, vow to yourself to avoid that kind of situation going forward. Forgive yourself. Guilt is pretty powerful but if you are true to yourself and then flush it, you'll be the better for it.

[Lxcylxcy]

You’re right... I don’t think this experience was worth it but the lesson of it is worth a lot...

[boggboss]

Use it as a learning experience and just be smart with what u want

[Lxcylxcy]

That’s true... like even though I enjoyed it in between I feel like I should never have gone that far... I kinda lowered my standards for a casual make out... but I’ll definitely take this as a lesson

[boggboss]

I would put it down to going back to the hotel itself was stupid idea but thats your perogative

[Lxcylxcy]

Yeah! Everything that happened after that was a mistake. But these guys really tricked us. One of my friends was with her ex an they really wanted to stay the night together and my other friend and me didn’t want to so the ex of my one friend told my other friend that his friend and me wanted to stay too and that if she didn’t come all of us would go home and that she would ruin it for us... the funny thing is that I didn’t even want to stay, but he made her stay by staying that and she acted like she wanted to be with the guy so we could have fun with them...

[boggboss]

But thats what I mean u can't really say u was tricked as it was somthing u decided never be a friend to say no and be the bad guy for your own safety luckily it ended fine but this is a situation u see all over the net of how someone was raped

[Lxcylxcy]

Yeah you are totally right... it was naive to stay at the hotel no matter what they said. So much worse could’ve happened...

[boggboss]

But nothing did its just good to know what could off happend so u are never in a situation that it can but you seem like a smart women so 👍🏽

[Lxcylxcy]

Thank u so much

[bowenw]

You should feel good about yourself because you stopped him before you had intercourse.

[Lxcylxcy]

If I had done that, I’d hate myself for the rest of my life... but yeah

[worldscolide]

The only time you told him no was the night before.. In the morning you did not tell him no or even try to stop him.. My only advice on this.. Dont go clubbing. Its a waste of time, and money, and all you will find is low quality trash men to begin with.

[Lxcylxcy]

I never said no to the kissing or making out, but to him fingering me, undressing me and having sex with me. And that I did too in the morning since he basically tried it again... and you’re right but I actually don’t club to Make out with guys

[worldscolide]

I didn't figure you did.. Its just not a fun activity to me and most grown ups lol..

[Lxcylxcy]

It was all fun for me too but It was not my boundaries at all. But I guess I just need to take this one as a lesson

[worldscolide]

sounds like a good choice

[havingfun101]

#metoo in 3...2...

[Lxcylxcy]

This is not funny. This guy never raped me and I never claimed that but this is very disrespectful to all the girls and women who actually go through stuff like that

[havingfun101]

See what I mean? He's one rejection away from being fired.

[RingOfFire]

Let it go and don't be so hard on yourself. You are only human. You lost yourself in the moment and had a lapse of judgement. But you still had the sense not to go very far past your comfort zone and your circuit breaker tripped. You should feel proud that you were able to stop before something much more upsetting happened. Treat yourself more gently and don't be so harsh.

[Lxcylxcy]

Thank you and I’m really glad I didn’t let anything else happen.

[RingOfFire]

You would forgive someone else if they made that mistake. So it's important for you to forgive yourself too. You deserve the same kind of understanding and compassion that others do.

[COMMODOREII]

It sounds like you are exploring new territory and it can be frightening. The good thing is you didn't go all the way and he did not force or pressure you. Just take what you learned about yourself and move on. What matters is what you do now and where you go from there.

[Lxcylxcy]

Thank you you’re absolutely right!

[Twalli]

Don't do it again l. You were a willing participant and he didn't do anything you were against enough to tell him.

[Valnac]

You’ve got strong will power to let it go that far without going all the way.

[Lxcylxcy]

I don’t think it’s about will power. Before I entered that room, I already knew I would never lose my virginity that night. It was never my intention. And if I did I think I’d hate myself for that

[Valnac]

I hope you don’t meet someone who could overpower you.

[Anonymous]

What clubs are open right now?

[Anonymous]

My opinion is you should have got up and left and called someone to pick you up or something. There is no point in dwelling on something like that. You totally let it happen and you should just move on. You live and learn , maybe you won't let it happen that way next time. Its really not a big deal.

[Lxcylxcy]

Thank you and you’re totally right. I guess it was because it was my first time making out with a guy like this... i didn’t know how to say no and since I already stopped him from doing all the other stuff he wanted I just let him... but I will definitely not bring myself in a situation like that