My girlfriend is never in a sexual mood. She feels depressed at night knowing she can’t please me even when I’m not talking about the subject at all?

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend and I have a great relationship except for the sexual aspects. When asking about each others flaws she tells me that I don’t make her feel valued or good enough. She says all I want is sex sex sex... my perspective... we are sexually maybe 1-2 times per month. When she’s not on her period, doesn’t have cramps, doesn’t feel moody... and I certainly can’t give her attention. If I do she gets upset and tells me “let me come to you”. We have talks infrequently now about it because she just starts crying and calling herself an ugly bitch. So basically the scenario has to be perfect. Her love language is acts of service and quality time, we definitely fulfil the second cuz we basically live together, and I try doing little things like making her snacks or taking her out during the day to do fun things. My love languages are quality time but also physical touch. And it’s barely there sometimes. I could be sexual 3-5 times a week is she allowed it. But if we ever do get into a situation like that and it’s rare, she’ll ask me “haven’t you had enough”. But it’s like no... because I know I won’t be “getting any” for weeks. She’s also been given the option to switch birth control to a IUD from the pill and is starting to be afraid. Even through it could completely change her moods. I love this girl but I’m sooooo sexually frustrated! Any advice on how to change/stirr things up? Cheer!

[boggboss]

Have to have a adult conversation about it sex is a thing I u one day stopped kissing her and only kissed her when u decided too it would be a issue sex is the same and if its not somthing that can be changed on her part or yours this relationship won't last

[Asker]

I’m not sure I understand this “advice”. I go to kiss her all the time. I’m the king of affection. She’s doesn’t like it. She doesn’t come kiss me unless she really wants it. I’ve tried the pull back method too aka giving too much. But there’s no response.

[boggboss]

I'm saying relationships are give and take both way if u stopped doing somthing she loved im sure she would have a issue with it so again talk to her about it and explain what u have said here

[btbc92]

What you're not getting is that she is your girlfriend. She is not your wife. But you picked her. If you love her. Then you deal with that. If you saying all you want is sex sex sex, and it's the truth. You need to pull back. Otherwise she's going to grow up to hate having sex with you and is making her depressed. Better for her to be honest with you now then for her to be cheating with another man just to feel good about myself. I'm not saying that she's going to be in the right but I'm telling you to respect her. Women don't want to feel like we're human sex toys. We want to be cherished and loved. Have self-control. What you doing makes people feel scared to have sex.

[btbc92]

When are girls like you going to really understand? You don't love her. You love the sex. Period. If she's telling you that you don't make her feel loved you're doing something wrong. That's why I don't agree with premarital sex. Because you're teaching yourself to want sex more than you want the person.

[btbc92]

Please understand what you doing does not come from from the language of love. It comes from the language of you wanting sex. How we know? You said you can have three to five times every week. If she is so happy having sex with you she would not be saying those things. The saying that because he feels unloved, she feels just, you have unrealistic expectations of her. All the more reason why I am so glad I am not sexually active and never happened. I cannot be with a man who treats me that way. I get treated that way and I never dated anybody. But I get accused for being asexual. And I'm not. A woman needs love. A woman needs a friend. A woman needs to feel safe. She needs to feel cherished. She needs to fill value. She needs patient. She does not need somebody hounding her because she's not giving sex. It's what's expected her and she's telling you she can't provide that for you. And I think you noticed too. When I like that have nothing to do with her birth control. That's for her is miserable too. And I'm just being honest. Don't believe me go ask her ask her if she's happy having sex with you and I promise you she's either going to really give you the answer or she's going to rain quiet and then you're going to feel like crap. The one that really needs to change is you. You need to change how you are handling the situation and how you are treating her sexually. You're only doing this for your own sexual gratification instead of assuming that you feel the same way, you need to learn who she is. While it's good that you both Understand Each Other's Love Languages. You need to learn and understand who she is and you have yesterday because all you're doing is just having sex.

[btbc92]

You are not having sex with discovery and knowing her. Sex is a tunnel from the thin, she has a truly desire that from you. She can't do that if all you do is take take take, and only give when you get to be able to take only. That's not love. That's selfishness. Control your sexual frustrations because that's your responsibility is not ours. And learn to love her. Not sex and not the sexy gives you. Learn to love her. Otherwise all you got in this relationship is that. Something that you want sex all time. Not my word. I hear that from a guy and he's responding that way I would not date him. I would not want to desire sex with that kind of person. And it ain't because I'm selfish. It's because I know I need love. And I'm not going to be used as someone sex toy.

[btbc92]

Sex is internal from within* She doesn't desire you because you don't desire her. You desire to sucks that she gives you. There's a difference. Just like you can not care about store, but you only care about the product that the store is selling.

[btbc92]

And please don't follow the others advice is no disrespect to that person. If you hold out on what she needs, she's going to leave you I'm not kidding. If that's what it takes an order for you to shape up then maybe you need to be with somebody who's more sexual as you want. But other than that don't shame each other. She already told you how she feels. She already told you what you want. You need to love her without using sex as an excuse. Any guy who says that they can't do what everyone else says I have not really learn how to handle themselves before they had sex first. Guys who held out on sex and learn how to love their partners are those who are sexually fulfilled. But it's too religious for you men of the world. You don't know how to love. All you know how to do it how to get sex. If a woman is behaving that way she starting to hate having sex with you she doesn't want if you anymore. It doesn't mean that she doesn't personally want to. But until you treat her as a human being instead of acting like a dog, no offense because if you're horny like a dog and you refuse to control yourself you got a problem. She is not responsible for your inability to control yourself. You are a grown man. That penis belongs on your body. The same way we women have to control also not to open up all the way and the same way you got to learn to control not to poke everything you want to touch. That's why women tend to have healthy relationship than guys.

[btbc92]

Also forgot to add. If she wasn't a virgin before you met. She is reflecting based on how she was treated sexually and or have seen growing up. Maybe she was raped and never told you. By either way, she is telling you about yourself she doesn't like. Your sex obsessed. And you wanting that 3-5 days out of a week is not the problem. Its HOW your having sex is the problem.

[btbc92]

For the ones who downvoted me. Stay single. If you're not going to learn to love your partner, don't complain about not having one.

[btbc92]

A woman doesn't owe you sex. You owe it to yourself to understand your partner so that your partner can safely have sex with you. Otherwise you're a selfish lover.

[Anonymous]

You can’t fix this. Possibly she could but as long as she doesn’t want to work on barriers to her own sex drive - which may not exist a it’s likely to get worse not better.

I’d strongly suggest you break up. If not now, when? This is what your whole life will be like if you don’t walk away.

[Waldoe]

show her this.. ask her what she would suggest the guy do?