Sexual Relationships
+1 y

I'm falling in love with my friend with benefits. I'm very unsure if I should try to have a relationship with him. I'm confused. What should I do?

Im falling in love with my friend with benefits. Im very unsure if I should try to have a relationship with him. Im confused. What should I do?
I'm falling in love with my friends with benefits. I became friends with benefits with him because I was confident I wouldn't get feelings for him. He's younger than me (I'm 42. He's 26). I thought being with a younger man was a perfect friends with benefits setup (sexy, rocks the sack, very low chance of falling in love). However, we gradually spent more time together outside of hooking up. We have a lot in common. He's super mature (more mature than many men my age-including my ex). To summarize we recently confessed we do have feelings for each other. He told me he wants to have a committed relationship.
That may sound great, but there's a lot I'm concerned about.1) He's in a very different stage of life than me (he's a bachelor in grad school. Im a divorced single mom with an established career).2) There are many ways he's super mature, but there's still a few ways he's a bit immature (Ex=he can be fairly messy).3) Id like to have more kids (if thats something he also wants), but I'm not sure if I could get pregnant now.4) If we started a real relationship he could become my kids' stepdad. I don't know if he's ready for that (not saying he isn't. I'm just unsure.).5) Im worried I wouldn't be able to hold onto him. He's sexy. There are gorgeous women his age who often notice that. I'm very good at keeping in shape and currently he is very physically/sexually attracted to me (despite being much older), but I am concerned I may not be able to keep him engaged long term. My ex left me for another woman. I'm not sure I could take that again.
I do have strong feelings for him. We haven't been exclusive & I have been dating other guys my age, but I haven't even close felt any kind of connection with them like I have with him. He is super funny, smart, thoughtful, sweet, crazy hot and great in bed. I do feel that he truly does care about me.
Should I give this a shot or not so much? If I do try it what can I do to overcome my worries and make things work?
Updates:
+1 y
PS-My ex and I split custody of our kids 50-50. He'd come over when they were with their dad. He hasn't met either of my kids yet. When my kids are with me my focus was completely on them. (aside from the occasion text messages back and forth). He understood that and actually has been super supportive of that. Also, my kids are 15 (girl) and 12 (boy) respectively (if you're interested)
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Most Helpful Guys

  • That's the thing about feelings, you can't control them. Try not to over think it at this point. You aren't considering marriage here or anything, just to see about possibility of something more. Just talk it over with him, tell him you're willing to give it a shot and take it slow and just see how it goes. This changes things now, and maybe it'll be great, and maybe not, but just take your time and see. Have open communication with him and just see how it goes. I wish my fwbs had felt this way lol.

  • It is okay to have these feelings despite not initially wanting them. You can continue the way things are whilst having these feelings. You don't always have to pursue feelings that you have.

    On a logical side, i'd suggest not getting into a serious relationship with the younger dude, it could create a lot of friction in many different directions in your family and personal life.

    If you wish to get into a serious relationship at this stage, you may want to start from scratch.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Hun, we don't know the answers to these questions. you're gonna have to ask him. I honestly don't think its the best thing for a young man like him to go for a single mom but if he's happy with it, then thats all that matters. You're just afraid to ask him, which is why you're asking us for answers.

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 15

  • You awncer it for your self friend with benefits dont mess that up frienfs are hard to find and to lose a friend that you enjoy already. leave the help alone im sure you'll lose your friend lol

  • That's a fairly wide age difference, but others have made it work. If you think he's your soulmate it's worth seeing if you can make it work. You could ask him if he ever sees you as more than a friend.

  • I always think step 1 is a conversation.

  • Just a suggestion;
    Let 'em go. If they come back they were truly yours.
    If they don't. they never were.

  • Ask him what he wants

  • Tell him what you feel.

  • Give it a shot.

  • Another friends with benefits whore story. You chased away your husband, now you are getting a young guy to fuck you (not that difficult), and you want to hold onto this guy who likes fucking you. Reality check:. Won't happen. You are just a piece of ass to him which is appropriate for him. You want more kids? You are 42!!! How stupid are you?

    Get a damn clue.

    • Oh look, another virgin who's mad at the world and channels that through trolling. Pathetic.

    • @Kimonono Another obese female incel who can only not be an incel by allowing random guys to fuck her.

    • I own my sexuality, and get what I need, unlike you I suppose ;) Hope you'll one day fuck some of that bitterness out, but I do already pitty the girl (? would it be a girl?) on the receiving end. Have a great day, I'm out and will not read your replies. Byeeee.

    • Show All

  • A friends with benefits situation is for sex only.
    As soon as you get feelings, it’s over.

  • sounds like a lot of "What ifs" do NOT live your life ruled by "What if's" it will be a sad and empty life

  • You can always ask. You had a discussion to get to this point, why not have another discussion

  • this is why you should not do friends with benefits, they are foolishly stupid

  • Cut it

  • Give it a shot. What do you kids think about him?

  • Of course you're falling in love with him. That is natural and normal. friends with benefits is not a normal situation and in 10 - 15 years girls will be angry that feminism pushed this in order to empower women. I wonder how many women have to go on prescription medicines just to be able to live up to the feminist ideal.

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