Lying is never the best way too begin a relationship, and if you feel like you have to embellish the truth and iether withhold information your new love interest thinks is important, but you don't see as a relevant issue in a healthy relationship dynamic as you see it, than there really isn't much of a point in waisting each other's time trying too build a relationship based on lies that will only get bigger and more frequent, and more complex and confusing, as time goes on, too cover earlier lies that will only increase the size of the metaphorically relevant wedge between you, as you become increasingly resentful of the intolerance this person you love feels toward your values, beliefs, and lifestyle choices, until escalation of that resentment leads you too bludgeoning that person in the back of the head with a candle stick, forcing you too hire some pink from the wrong side of the tracks too help you get rid of the body... look, you will iether grow closer too this person over time, or apart, and lies don't help too facilitate a healthy relationship romance model.
Besides, if this person actually cares about the history of your sex life, and you actually allow them too think that it's O. K. too ask you such invasively private questions about your sex life, than it can only go downhill from there, so why bother.
What did she lie about specifically? That she was a virgin or that she was not? One is worse then the other, if she wasn't a virgin and said she was that shows she knew you would reject her on her past behavior and decided to manipulate you. Now the reverse is also true but the difference is it doesn't show she has repeated this behavior, it doesn't show that she has a history of bad decisions. Both are inexecusable but in my opinion one is slightly worse then the other.
As for it being a deal breaker, only you can decide that. I think you both need to talk through this and you should think deeply about it. If this is a one time thing that happened, I think that, given time, you can move on from it and maintain your relationship. If however this is one of many I think it would be wise to move on. But again, only you can decide whether or not this is a deal breaker for you (as your the one with her, your the one who knows what value she and your relationship with her has for you).
Why would you even ask her if she was a virgin? And what is it with all the virginity questions on this site? In this day and age you would be hard pressed to find a virgin to begin with. Let me ask you, are you a virgin? If not you have to be one big hypocrite! If you are , did you tell her you were?
This girl apparently thought you were worth keeping so she lied. That probably wasn't a wise decision - if you had informed her you were a virgin and wanted a virgin too. Just remember, just having one sexual experience erases your virginity but it doesn't make you a slut. Maybe a better question would have been - and this is another question that keeps get asked mostly every day here - what her track record was. I wouldn't blame you for not wanting a country girl who had been plowed more than the fields on the family farm. I guess you will just have to move on. Where did you meet this girl anyway? Some back story would have been nice.
I disagree. Having one sexual experience DOES make you a slut. Because sluttiness is a mindset. It's the willingness to have sex with someone you're not married to. It's a lack of boundaries. Whether you do it once or do it 20 times, that fact remains that you did it.
@Jamie05rhs Not true. Just because you experiment with sex one time - maybe you were pressured by a guy - doesn't make you a slut any more than experimenting with gay sex one time with some making out makes you a lesbian. If you make it into a habit, then you are labeled a slut.
@daniela1982 Sexual intercourse is not something to be experimented with.
Lying is always a red flag be it something irrelevant or something important. Because now she lied about her virginity (which isn't something important but one shouldn't lie about it), what if she lies about something else which is important in the future? Being in relationship with a liar is like living with a ticking time bomb. She lied to you for one whole year, so mark my words, she's lying to you about many aspects of her life. She obviously has a PhD in the art of lying, I've been in a relationship with a guy who lied to me about his family for one whole year, I was totally heartbroken because I trusted him a lot... Yet, my love for him didn't allow me to dump him... So I forgave him, guess what happened? A liar will always be a liar... He broke my heart!
Remember : Once a liar, always a liar. Dump her and find someone whom you can trust and someone who is honest!
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What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!A MAJOR DEALBREAKER. Because if you caught an STD. You're screwed. That is not a relationship you need to be in. Point blink. Anybody who lies for love has problems. That's why you don't date strangers.
It's up to you whether you can trust her again, and whether you feel her intention justifies her actions. (Don't let others here decide this for you. It's too important to let strangers decide.)
How many other things has she lied about? Analyze that.
And also take into consideration that there is still a massive double standard in society, where women are judged harshly and unfairly, on this sexual history. There is no justification for men being lauded and women being demoralized.
harshly-but not unfairly. i wish my gender got the same.
@Sabretooth She lied to make herself seem more innocent, no? Then what do you mean by "I wish my gender got the same"?
that we were treated as harshly for sleeping around.
I wanted my cousin to dump two of his girlfriends over lies they told. One was on welfare but pretended to be a piano teacher and claimed to have a masters degree in music. Another claimed to have a 3.75 GPA in commerce when she only made $20.00 an hour at her job. Like people with 3.75 GPA’s should be making $30 - $45 an hour, not $20.00. She was clearly lying about her GPA. Even guitar teachers with no BA make more than that.
I graduated with a pretty good GPA in Exercise physiology and I earn like 14 an hour as a PT Aide (I do admit that I am only doing this job to go to grad school). I don't know why you think the second person must be lying.
Frankly? You’re just looking for an excuse. Were you a virgin before meeting her? People attach too much weight on (mainly female) virginity. Not saying that being ‘white lied’ on is not a bad thing but something tells me you’re subconsciously more having an issue with the virginity than with the lie.
I was a virgin yeah, and still am
Yes it is, but there's more here.
1.) She lied and misrepresented herself and more importantly: She has demonstrated she will lie to get what she wants and will almost certainly lie to validate her lying to you.
2.) Carrying the lie, she confirmed that after a year of being in a relationship with you, she still isn't comfortable with telling you everything about her. Honestly, this is a bigger deal breaker in my opinion.
3.) In lying, you really have to ask yourself (again), do you really know this person? Because of the lies, you can't trust what she told you, so she might as well be a stranger.
4.) What do you have to do to trust her going forward? At this point, A woman who can tell the truth has a chance.
5.) She proved through her actions, that what she wants is #1 and what you felt about dating a virgin was invalid.
6.) What else is she lying about?
It's up to you if you want to stay with her or not. I want to point something out though:
Even if you forgive her, if you stay, you're saying a lot of things which could be positive, but the negative thing you're saying is, "You can lie to me and I'll stay."
She can say she cares about you, but on an issue that she knew you had a strong position on, instead of being honest with you, she was selfish and discarded how you felt about it.
She took your choice, man. I'd leave her with no choice and end the relationship to balance out the equation.
You asked, I answered. I hope I helped you or other guys in your situation. Good luck and be safe.
what was the lie... that she wasn't a virgin, or actually is one? or that she is a virgin, and actually isn't...
you also give no context.. what are her family like.. are they ultra religious.. this "lie" cannot be properly weighed in such a vacuum of care or interest as to the unique experiences and reasonings of the people involved...
A lie is a lie is a lie... Cuz they lie about one thing, how will you"ever" know what else they will or won't lie about. That's something liars "don't" get... It ain't just about "them" and "their" lies it's about "me" and not wanting to spend the whole time wondering if what they're telling me is a truth or lie... I want someone I know will respect me enough to tell me the truth...
This is concerning, but not, necessarily a deal breaker.
How did you find out? Did she tell you.
If she did, it seems that now she has a much better understanding of who you are as a person; and respects you enough to come clean - despite what the consequences may be.
Be clear with her that it is not the content of the lie, but the lie its self that concerns you - and that you expect honesty from her; and give it her in return. It's definitely somthing you can work past.
To get into depth this is what she said summed up. She was 'sexually assaulted' when she was 15 and it was against her will. When she told me this story I immediately tried to comfort her and said it was fine. However right after that we got intimate and she whispered in my ear 'at least he did the dirty work for you' and then giggled. As soon as I got home it didn't stick with me well. I also took note that before she told me this story, she mentioned months ago that she had an argument with her sisters one time and they responded back to her by saying 'at least we're virgins'. I feel like all of that is somewhat of a fair conclusion that she possibly could have lied to me about her virginity. I'm not sold on it 100% but what do you think?
Thats an incredibly traumatic event - and something that must be so hard for her to talk about, especially a romantic interst.
See, no. That makes no sense. Veryyyyyyyyyyy few people would tell you that they were violated then jump your bones. That would be next level, serial trauma. Someone who is in a healthy place for sex and has their trauma under control would not joke like that about what happened to them while being intimate. I'm not saying that she couldn't have been violated but this all sounds fake as hell tbh.
I would feel like I couldn't trust them. Such lies does nothing good and I would wonder what else they would lie about "just so they won't lose me".
A huge red flag, honestly
This
Any lie is a deal breaker for me normally. But why she lied should play a key role. She said she was afraid she was going to lose you. Why? Were there circumstances surrounding how she lost her virginity? Were they embarrassing or something painful for her? Ask some questions first. Then make the call. A senseless lie with no legitimate reason is a definite no-go. But if the reason is acceptable to you, draw a line there.
The issue is LYING.. that is the deal breaker.
Trust is the basis and foundation of a relationship. If a lie it told, no matter for what reason, it is still a betrayal of trust.
I think it is a deal breaker. However, I think it'd be best to ask her why and what it was that was bugging her. Some people lie for a reason, while others don't have a reason to lie at all. But that's because some people lie when they're scared and/or anxious to admit something that they know they should be honest about from the start.
I've fibbed on a few occasions but only for hook-ups never in a relationship.
They don't believe me when I tell them at my age so I just don't say anything and read up on the proper areas to touch a women and such. Like how to place your hand on the side of her neck/face. My lack of experience has never been an issue and in my opinion it's none of a girls business anyways. If I go around saying I'm a virgin that would cause a whole array of problems then just faking it and playing the part. Besides I've done enough with girls now to not really consider myself one anyways.
It's also fun to get to be the teacher showing how to do things. Very hot
Thar is up to you if you love her it's no big deal she said she was to keep you so she cares for you
what's the context.. did she just not say anything until after it happened, or just told you she wasn't a virgin before having sex?
It's not a deal breaker. Some people do have anxiety and fear of abandonment about this and think they will be looked down upon. Try it to see it from her shoes
Can you understand her fear, forgive her, and be able to trust her completely in the future? If you can't re-establish trust, then any relationship with her will ultimately be doomed.
Not a deal breaker but that's a stupid lie lol. Like surely you discovered that's a lie the first time you had sex?
if you don't know the "rule of three", it's time to watch "American Pie 2".
yes, lying can be a problem, but not if it's about virginity.
you shouldn't have asked her in the first place!
if are you seriously considering on backing away from a year long relationship because she lied about being a virgin then you should just give up dating seriously entirely
If a woman lies to her man about being a virgin then she should just give up dating entirely.
what I was going to say..."lying" is the problem.
that's up to you. you could equally give her credit for opening up. but if virginity was essential to you, then I guess it is.
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