If monogamy is unnatural, am I unnatural for being monogamous?

Question

In before you will say that I am not monogamous and that society/family forces me to be blah blah blah...
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Read
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Any sexual idea that turns me on are linked to one man only. The idea of me having more than 1 sexual partner gives me feelings of disappointment and an impression of me being asexual. I mean it turns me off so much that I feel no sexual desire. But when I think of being with the only man of my life whom I love and who loves me I feel sexual desire with all the cells of my body.
These 2 are such extreme feelings.
The one is a huge turn off that reaches to the extent of PHYSICAL disgust.
The other is a huge turn on that reaches to the point of... whatever 😜

AmandaYVR · Accepted Answer

You could take out the word "unnatural" and substitute with any number of other words (which I can't think of at the moment), and it would bring a different discussion, yet be just as true.

There are 'natural', primal drivers in all living creatures, that want fun, excitement, and physical sensations. Some people think that is best satisfied by hopscotching sexual partners. Others, like you, feel very differently.

There are also higher-minded, practical advantages to making some choices over others. We use the grey matter prefrontal cortex to decide complex decisions, when multiple variables are at stake.

Then you've got societal norms. And societal pressure. Some fall easily in line with that bell curve; others rail against it, hating to be told what to do by others.

It makes good sense to pair up, partner up. It maximizes resources. It's obviously great for raising offspring. When people fight you on this concept, that monogamy is 'unnatural', they are justifying (and explaining) their preferences, for prioritizing their primal, over all else. They also probably benefit from not having to compromise. They can live singly, and do whatever the f they please, never answering or being accountable to a partner, who might have very different opinions on how to live.

There is no one answer here. But don't let the people (the ones you referenced) attempt to railroad you into conforming, or agreeing, to their idea of what is 'right' or 'normal.' Your model is a tried and tested one. It has benefits. It also isn't iron-clad, and many relationships do split up, eventually people going their separate ways. But that's a whole other topic. It doesn't mean it's an abject failure. It means it's a challenge, it means humans are fallible. It has pros and cons, and some people decide against it, while some throw everything they've got into it, and hope for the best. Or decide to make it work. Commitment is a decision. It's not about luck.

So you do you, girl.

(And p. s. I am married 20 years and I do recommend marriage. It's not for everyone, but if you want marriage and/or monogamy, then you go get it, and don't let anyone tell you you're wrong for it.)

psychoticanimaIIover · Accepted Answer

Wow, are you implying that you masturbate when you think about that one special guy? You do realise that if you masturbate, you’re no longer a virgin, right?

NamerOfStars · Accepted Answer

The enormousness of human brains mean that even with our widened hips, our babies are born in a late fetal stage; they're almost completely helpless and need constant watching. The only really viable way to do that is with pair bonding; humans that don't didn't have their offspring survive. Why would monogamy be unnatural for us? If it was, either our species or our environment would be radically different.

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

I hate the argument that something is natural and must be good, or it is unnatural and must be bad.

Asbestos is a naturally occurring mineral. Hemlock is a plant that occurs naturally.
Atropa belladonna is a poisonous herb. Cannibalism occurs naturally among the great apes and it occurred in Neanderthals.

Hurray for something being natural!

kkirk4442 · Answer

Monogamy, or not, is matter of choice, not what we are born into. Monogamy is definitely natural.

Smoothing · Answer

Being monogamous is natural because jelousy and other emotions associated with monogamy are natural.

Monogamy is as natural as polygamy.
The choice of one over the other however, is based on social dynamics.

Don't ever let anybody tell you monogamy is unnatural.

pigoat · Answer

Monogamy is unnatural to those who find unnatural  Might be the obvious answer but what did you really need to know Lmao

NoOneEver · Answer

👀 who’s your man? And why isn’t he taking advantage of all your passions? 🤔

es20490446e · Answer

Once I dated a girl that I liked a lot, and she claimed to be poly. Because of that I broke up with her.

Yet I questioned myself on if monogamy was the natural thing for humans. So I did an experiment and had sex with plenty of different people for a short period of time.

My experience has been that no matter how nice and hot those people were it really didn't turn me on. Masturbating and having sex with a monogamous partner, even if not the ideal, always felt way better.

So the most likely answer is that humans have imperfect monogamy. They lean towards monogamy as far as possible, and consider other options if that looks unreliable in their particular life situation.

NYCQuestions1976 · Answer

You're not unnatural.

AmeerX · Answer

It is different for everyone. Some cultures and religions allow multiple partners while others don't. Being polygamous certainly doesn't mean the partners can be neglected and differentiated

Jamie05rhs · Answer

I don't think monogamy is unnatural at all. I think it's the most natural thing.

DWornock · Answer

Regardless, I suspect you are like most women. Since most women cannot have both in marriage, they square the circle. That is, they choose a guy that is dependable and a good provider, then when they are ovulating, the opportunity present, and risk of discovery is very low, they have sneaky sex with a hot guy and thereby seek the best available genes for her eggs.

007kingifrit · Answer

i don't think manogamy is unnatural

888theGreat · Answer

That used to be the norm, now it is the exception.

Luckycharms12 · Answer

Lol you are still virgin if you play with your clit. Plus it's natural. Who doesn't want open there mind and body to new experience.

Valnac · Answer

That sounds perfect for you. Whatever you are comfortable with.

Waldoe · Answer

I get it.. BRAVO monogamy is a choice, and should not be forced on anyone, its only for well balanced people in a healthy relationship... (how's that?)

ChefPapiChulo · Answer

No it’s not unnatural. It’s half n half. Between the 2.

jimmy2 · Answer

Honey that is Hid will for you enjoy

Anonymous · Answer

It’s not natural for men.  It is natural for women.

Anonymous · Answer

My sense is that's a pretty common sentiment for most healthy women. Particularly if they have a high value man. My sense is that women are generally more in to the idea of less monogamy if they don't have a high value man in a committed relationship but could potentially get some one-off mating with one.

Anonymous · Answer

It's like arguing what came first; the chicken or the egg. To some people it feels natural, and to others it doesn't. Some people just aren't cut out for monogamy, so for them, they shouldn't even try.