Sexual Relationships
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Boyfriend asks for a lot of sex?

My boyfriend (26M) and I (23F) have been together for quite some time now. We originally started as a long distance relationship until he moved to the same state as I. We were having A LOT of sex at the beginning of our relationship. We were excited to be together finally and had been long distance for 2 years. We had sex 2-4 times a day though only saw each other 0-3 times a week because of our schedules. So when we did see each other, there was sex all the time.
2 years later we decided to move in together and our sex life was healthy. We were having sex 2-3 times a week and maybe on special occasions twice a day ;) lol. I feel like we established a healthy regime for our sex life that allows us to be intimate and spend quality time together but also not interfere with our day to day chores.
We have now lived together for 5 years, and just moved to a new apartment. Since moving, his sex drive has shot up. Every morning, he asks me for sex and when I say no he still gropes me or tries to get me in the mood. Then I reply we have things to do and we don’t have time which results in him acting like a baby and complaining that it will be quick. OR I could just “help” him out with no sex involved. Then later he asks again if I want to have sex or do any favors for him, I say no. He then again throws a fit. Starts saying “I’m not attracted to him anymore” etc. In the evening, he will ask for sex and if I say No he gets very upset. He will ask me for sex or favors despite feeling sick or busy, which leads me to think he just wants to have sex with me and nothing else because if I’ve expressed “I have a headache” why would I want to give you a blow job right now while my head is throbbing (is my perception of what that means). He has an addictive personality so I thought maybe this could mean he has become addicted to sex.
Is this amount of sex normal? Am I just being a prude? Being harassed for sex all day everyday has affected me mentally. (I’m a sexual assault victim)
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Superb Opinion

  • If you would allow me, I had gone through similar life like what you did, except I'm a guy. Hence I hope my writings can express this few years from guys point of view.

    1) 3 to 4 x sex a day. Yes, my first 6+ months with my SO was such too. I call it our "honeymoon phase". We literally fuck after we woke, after lunch and before sleep everyday.

    And I like those days.

    2) then life back to normal and we back to work. The mundane of life and work pressures reduced our frequency to about 3 to 5 times a week. Normal too.

    3) then there were "dry season". Sometime by her, sometime by me. Ya, I did have a few periods (stretching weeks or months) that I have no mood. And of course I suffered when she lost her libido. It happened.

    4) then during some period, (especially holiday seasons), we're back to lovey dovey again. At least once or twice a day for weeks until the holidays is over.

    To conclude, I think all your wrote are normal part of sex life. Just assure your love to him and communicate more. And if at all possible offer him what he wants.

    (A suggestion for fun: tell him in the future when he loses libido, remember how you offered him willingly now. Add as post on your private social media. Yes, one day you'll ask and not get 😁...)

Most Helpful Guy

  • You know, that's why I am not into LDR. Despite experiencing a 3 years LDR, that ended, around 4 years ago, I can say with absolute certainty that it's far more complicated and risky than meeting someone in person. Now that I'v said that, my advice for you is to be true to what you are really looking for in a relation. He won't change for you, and you shouldn't change for him. Ask yourself these questions:"Am I happy with him? Do I see a future at his side?". Please, don't give a one minute answer. Meditate. I forgot to mention that perhaps he is a sex addict, perhaps not. If it's something that affects other aspects of his life, negatively, it may be. Do not focus on what he should solve. Concentrate on your wellbeing. A relationship is to enjoy. If there is more sorrow than enjoyment, it's important to think things over.

    • Thank you for your words. It’s actually made me consider and think over some things. I will definitely be putting some time aside today to think.

    • Thanks for the MHO.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Like you, I've been victim of sex, but differently, I've been abused. That said, I do have a boyfriend too, and guess what? We're in a long distant relationship. Now, from what i read, It doesn't seem to me like he has a sex addiction. The reason why he's sex drive has sky rocked is probably because he's excited of living in a new apartment with the girl he loves and happy to start a new chapter with your life together. All those observations, put together, result to me as he's feeling more in love with you. Deeply in love, and that he cannot get enough of you. He "craves" you, let's put it this way. Is gonna get better! Don't you worry : ) It's just a faze.
    My boyfriend and I always talk on ft about how we would like to live together in the future and we both admitted that we were exited to have a "love nest" were we would go freaky all day everyday. I cannot wait for that to happen💞

  • You guys need to communicate better with each other. You also need to be intimate with each other, it’s healthy. Of course if you’re feeling sick or unwell then rest and he should understand you aren’t well. Though to say no because of being busy is wrong, this is your partner and no job or chores is more important than your partner. Be happy to know he’s attracted to you and wants to be having sex or to just have you help him out.
    Communicate better with each other. Sit down and tell him how you’re feeling and have him tell you how he feels and tell each other what you want from the other.
    I would hope my someday partner would be okay with doing things very often because not only do I have a high sec drive but imagine you love and care for a person, my sex drive would be through the roof haha.

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What Girls & Guys Said

13 14

  • That's abuse, and it's very much rape because that's against your will. First of all it has nothing to do about it being normal you're supposed to be married first and then have sex. He's asking for a lot of stuff because in the beginning all it was about is sex, now it's still about sex, and he and he only got with you for one thing and one thing only


    SEX.

    • The fact that he touched you without your consent is rape. What everybody else is saying otherwise is nuts. You're not being approved he just doesn't respect you sexually because any and all he cares about is his own stuff and gratifications. The fact that you missed it for the entire 5 years of your relationship more is a lot of red flags on your part. The very first sentences told me exactly what it was. He doesn't care. If you attempt to leave him he's going to get even more abusive and aggressive.

    • You're crazy, and likely have been abused yourself in the past. You're talking about 2 people who have been in a relationship for years, he touches her boob and now he should be stoned? She should talk to him about primarily, explain what he does that bothers her with specifics and if that doesn't work then maybe you can start this type of harassment talk. This is like allowing a baby to throw food on the floor for months then one day getting mad about it, how is he supposed to know?

    • @zozo7880 I understand. I don’t think anything my boyfriend has done has been out of harm. I know he loves me dearly and a lot of my interpretation of sex is due to my own abuse. Which I’m working through because I want to have a healthy relationship with the idea of sex. However, I feel it is inappropriate to keep asking me for sex despite me say no already a few times. Then proceed to start homework and he continues to try to get me in bed despite me having things to do. It translates to me at least “Idc you have things to do. I want sex.” That’s my biggest problem, having a mutual understanding of when we can and cannot have sex, despite wanting to have sex or not. As 2 adults, we cannot have sex all the time simply because there are things that need to be done.

    • Show All

  • This is the longest troll question I have read on G@G so far, because you are only an assault victim if you allow it. If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen. It doesn't take rocket science for you to get it.

    • It's not a troll question. When you're a victim of abuse, you normally wouldn't know what is and isn't normal. These people, especially claiming Christian pick and choose what they want to hear. What she had explained is from a place of predatory actions towards her at 18. This guy was old enough to know. All pointing to red flags.

    • @btbc92 I may have been a bit hasty to judge, but I stand by my assessment. If you don't like being a sexual assault victim then it's time to get out of that relationship. I know that it is not easy, but the longer you are there the harder it will get. It almost sounds like he watches porn and then goes to her for sexual relief which would explain the increase of demanding sex.

    • Oh trust me I know exactly what you're saying. But a lot of these crazy behind people's you actually read and one afrikaburn me is saying it's not. And that's exactly what it is. To be honest no he already had his long before he met her. You can tell just by what she had wrote. The guy just met her right as she just finished high school. So it's very clear what it is. You're right on point about the pornography. But this dog was already targeting her from the get-go. It's not about going to her for such a relief, he just using her for it.

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  • Yea its normal for guys to want sex a lot. Sounds like he's not self disciplined. Have him get his hormones checked

  • You shouldn't be complaining that he's so into you. Some people would die for that sort of attention.

  • Give it to him.( of course if u r not being hurt or so) U r still young and u can take it. At my age i am not as active and able to keep up as if i was 23. So make the most out of it. And expect guys to be extra sexual. That is how they are built

  • No you are not a prude I understand that you love this guy.

    I’ve also been SA and what your guy is doing is totally not consensual. I broke up with my last boyfriend because he tried to force me to have sex with him and I was like naw fuck that.

    Two to three times a week is normal.

    You can’t grope someone without consent, you can’t beg someone for sex or try to guilt trip them. What he’s doing is completely unacceptable.

    I would break up with him (but I’m a cut and run sort of person and can’t forgive consent violations)

    You could also get a sex therapist involved they will totally take your side but he may agree to it sense he clearly thinks your the problem.

    You could also just talk to him but he doesn’t seem very mature.

  • First I don’t think there’s anything wrong as he is still in his prime, has a high sex drive and obviously finds you so attractive and your body attractive that he wants to have sex frequently. Your drive seems to be lower than his, however most women in studies have shown that while it takes some prodding to get in the mood, they are extremely happy after having had sex especially if it it results in an orgasm. We men are simple creatures, sex, food and you appreciating us is really all we need and we will do anything you ask of us. He will probably not always be like this as his drive will eventually wane. I will tell you most guys that get rejected for sex from a partner eventually get frustrated and will internalize that frustration and could seek sex from someone else if continuously rejected. Not saying he will do this but just alerting you.

    • Of course, I hear what you’re saying. When I know I have kept saying no, I will somehow force myself into the mood or give it a try because I don’t want him to internalize us not having sex all the time as a negative thing. I know my sex drive is lower for multiple reasons but if I am in the middle of doing something or busy, it feels inappropriate for him to continue asking for sex. If he were the one to be extremely busy and I asked him for sex he would be quick to say “I can’t right now” which he isn’t the only one to be rejected.

    • You do bring up excellent points in that he should not be guilting you into and saying all those things. That’s totally unnecessary on his part and he needs to work on that. I can see where that would become annoying. If you’ve alerted him to this and he refuses to change then I would re-examine the relationship and consider moving on from him. Perhaps a calendar with special times set aside might be a compromise.

    • I like the idea of setting special designated times to have sex so that way we both can clear our schedules and make time for just the 2 of us without interruption or excuses. Thanks for taking the time to reply :)

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  • Sit down and have a talk with him you know be honest with him the fact that you’re having sex so frequently as you have been far away for so long we finally got to be in the same location but if there’s things bothering you need to talk about it don’t let it build up don’t sweep it under the rug if he truly cares about you he will listen

  • If you don't want sex from him that's absolutely ok. But it also means you are losing sexual compatibility. He's 26 his libido isn't going down anytime soon. You guys may be better off with other people.

  • just an fyi the “I have a headache” excuse is invalid, sex cures head aches.. But on that same token. If you're controlling the frequency at which you have sex that's on you. I do see where you're coming from, but if that's not enough for him, he need to leave you and find someone who is more willing. Were i in his shoes i would do just that. My wife and i have been together 8 years.. And we still have sex daily, some days more than once. Him throwing a fit is not good, he should just simply leave.

    • I personally had a rule in past relationships. Two rejections = im gone, Constant rejection is hard to deal with, it does get internalized, and makes one feel very much unloved. men express love differently than women, Sex is our basic way of feeling connected to the person we are supposed to love the most. Now from what im reading he is just doing it at times where its just not a good choice. He is acting like a child, which he should not be..

  • I don't require my partner to want as much sex as I do.

  • its nice

  • Have a serious talk with him about this whole topic. I think he's taking it bad when you reject him, but perhaps he doesn't truly know how you feel. If it continues after you try talking to him about it then it's time to move on.

  • I have a high sex drive, luckily my girl has one too.

  • wow... just wow.. you are complaining? because your boyfriend is attracted to you? or because he won't look to other woman? or because he has a strong attraction to you? you have a horrible boyfriend dump him

  • Yes, it is non consentual. You two have boundary issues. One if the most common challenge in relationships. You try to sey boundary and he throws fit. I think it is whole lot of sex. Do you have job. Who brings in most money out of you two? He seems to have very healthy sex appetite for his age but that doesn't mean that's the only thing you do all day every day.

  • he just wants sex

  • Omg he loves having sex with you with is great. You should be worried more when he stops asking you and don't even touch you because when we do that it means we have found another girl. And she's the one getting our attention and sex with her so you should help him lol or may be. Do it at least once every morning. Not every day either.

  • I cnt really input cause im hypersexual and would say yes all the time but i get why you would feel that and you should probably tell him outright

  • It's not really abuse. He tries to be persuasive, let's say. You are not prude. Maybe you just aren't attracted to him anymore or not so much because novelty always wears off.

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