My boyfriend doesn’t want me to move during sex?

Question

I’m usually quite happy with our sex life, boyfriend let’s me suggest etc (since i have more experience)
However, boyfriend has huge domination fetish! Not like a dead fish, but for example, he wants my bum in be air and my face in the bed and his hand on the back of my neck, and he doesn’t want me to move. He also wants sex when he’s mad at me, which I don’t like. Any advice?

Updates:

6 d

I’m fine with his domination fetish, he has anal fetishized too, which before him I hadn’t tried. I know for men domination (especially anal sex) can be about control, ownership, etc. it’s primal but him being aroused when he’s mad at me or the world just isn’t enjoyable.
He also watches me, all the time, from every position he has be able to see my face or himself fucking me. But I even saw him watching me on a camera mounted in his kitchen.

Answer 1

ChrisMaster69 | 655 opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Xper 7

He has problems that need addressed.

Dominating a person needs both to want it, one side needs to be a happy and willing submissive.

there needs to be respect and trust,

this is clearly missing. You should just take a chain saw to his cock.

he is not being a Dom, simply a bully, there is nothing Dominant with what he is doing,

At one level, it is an abuse.

the link between a Dom and sub, is based on mutual trust, love, respect.

he is not showing you this, I have done this stuff for years and would happily kick the shit out of a guy bullying a girl in this way.

move on or sit him down and talk to him,

I do not think he will listen or care, so be prepared to just leave him, at some point this type of relationship becomes more abusive.

Ewgies01

4 d
@ChrisMaster69 Google why chainsaws were invented lol
Asker

4 d
I never know his mood, but he knows I won’t see him if he’s mad. I think him feeling like I’m trying to control his behavior ticks him off. On Sunday, I was to go, we’ve been getting along better, he’s still be going on about me not moving but he’s been better. Ugh it was awful, as soon as o arrived he didn’t like me moving a pillow, I knew I wanted to go home, I even put my shoes on. I said if you want me to stay chill out, calm down, which he hated too.
Ewgies01

4 d
Doesn’t sound like a good guy. Kick him to the curb.
Show All Show Less
Asker

4 d
Sex was awful, just him being angry that I’m moving, which hello if you’re pushing into me, I’m going to move. I old him we could stand up or he could lay on top of my back, he knows I can’t move then. He also hates me suggesting positions most of the time, he’s aroused when I’m choosing positions etc. So why the vast differences? I was lying there like in a ball, hating it.
Ewgies01

4 d
Nope. Never continue with sex you are hating. Not worth it. What a selfish guy.
Asker

4 d
Getting rid of him has been hard, I’ve tried. He ignores me or guilts me into seeing him or his son and then we’re off to trying again. I feel badly, he’s obviously screwed up but I’d rather he be someone else’s problem. He calls himself my job. Wtf have I gotten myself into?
Ewgies01

4 d
Guuurl, delete his number. Get out.
Asker

4 d
So I told him how much I hated Sunday and then I can’t be completely immobile but I don’t know does he think I’m squirming around intentionally. Every other person I’ve shagged loved watching me squirm. Men and women. Help!!
Ewgies01

4 d
He’s not going to change. He’s fucked up. Not normal.
Asker

4 d
How do o get out? I’m usually such a strong person but I feel so warn down by him. I’ll break it off, he’ll leave me alone for a week or so and then he’ll ask me to talk, which turns into him nagging, badgering and arguing with me until I give in. Im too exhausting to fight with him, I’ve tried everything to make it work and then to cut it off.
Ewgies01

4 d
Don’t talk to him. Ditch him, delete his number and don’t look back.
Asker

4 d
I’m not an unkind person, it’s not as though I haven’t given him slack, or tried talking to him. Yet he makes me feel guilty, he accuses me of cheating- its just a hassle and behavior like this usually leads to worse and worse behavior. He literally ignores it when o break it off. Thing is he knows he can wear me down, your worst enemy is usually the person who knows you well..
Asker

4 d
I don’t want a big nasty fight, especially if his son is there and he knows that I won’t argue with him because of that reason. I actually feel some hatred for him, We both had terrible and very similar upbringings and I think he counts on that familiarity and my pity.

Answer 2

Ewgies01

@ChrisMaster69 Google why chainsaws were invented lol

Answer 3

Asker

I never know his mood, but he knows I won’t see him if he’s mad. I think him feeling like I’m trying to control his behavior ticks him off. On Sunday, I was to go, we’ve been getting along better, he’s still be going on about me not moving but he’s been better. Ugh it was awful, as soon as o arrived he didn’t like me moving a pillow, I knew I wanted to go home, I even put my shoes on. I said if you want me to stay chill out, calm down, which he hated too.

Answer 4

Ewgies01

Doesn’t sound like a good guy. Kick him to the curb.

Answer 5

Asker

Sex was awful, just him being angry that I’m moving, which hello if you’re pushing into me, I’m going to move. I old him we could stand up or he could lay on top of my back, he knows I can’t move then. He also hates me suggesting positions most of the time, he’s aroused when I’m choosing positions etc. So why the vast differences? I was lying there like in a ball, hating it.

Answer 6

Ewgies01

Nope. Never continue with sex you are hating. Not worth it. What a selfish guy.

Answer 7

Asker

Getting rid of him has been hard, I’ve tried. He ignores me or guilts me into seeing him or his son and then we’re off to trying again. I feel badly, he’s obviously screwed up but I’d rather he be someone else’s problem. He calls himself my job. Wtf have I gotten myself into?

Answer 8

Ewgies01

Guuurl, delete his number. Get out.

Answer 9

Asker

So I told him how much I hated Sunday and then I can’t be completely immobile but I don’t know does he think I’m squirming around intentionally. Every other person I’ve shagged loved watching me squirm. Men and women. Help!!

Answer 10

Ewgies01

He’s not going to change. He’s fucked up. Not normal.

Answer 11

Asker

How do o get out? I’m usually such a strong person but I feel so warn down by him. I’ll break it off, he’ll leave me alone for a week or so and then he’ll ask me to talk, which turns into him nagging, badgering and arguing with me until I give in. Im too exhausting to fight with him, I’ve tried everything to make it work and then to cut it off.

Answer 12

Ewgies01

Don’t talk to him. Ditch him, delete his number and don’t look back.

Answer 13

Asker

I’m not an unkind person, it’s not as though I haven’t given him slack, or tried talking to him. Yet he makes me feel guilty, he accuses me of cheating- its just a hassle and behavior like this usually leads to worse and worse behavior. He literally ignores it when o break it off. Thing is he knows he can wear me down, your worst enemy is usually the person who knows you well..

Answer 14

Asker

I don’t want a big nasty fight, especially if his son is there and he knows that I won’t argue with him because of that reason. I actually feel some hatred for him, We both had terrible and very similar upbringings and I think he counts on that familiarity and my pity.

Answer 15

Jamie05rhs | 3.7K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Guru

That's weird to me. I wouldn't want to have sex with someone if I was mad at them (or if they were mad at me.)

Regarding the particular position that you're describing: I suppose it can be fun (minus the holding the neck part). But I wouldn't want that to be the only position we do. It would be alright if it was like one of 15 or 20. Hopefully a lot of the other positions allow for movement by the woman. ;)

Jamie05rhs

6 d
Re: update: You shouldn't be going to his house anymore if he's going to be spying on you with hidden cameras. That's extremely inappropriate.
Asker

6 d
boyfriend is younger, 35, not had many relationships so I cut him more slack than I would anyone else, anyhoo, I showed him lots of positions, it’s just impossible to not move at all. Unless on my back.
Asker

6 d
I didn’t really think about the cameras, but we were about to go to sleep and when I came back the bathroom he was watching footage from the camera. I wonder if that’s the only time? And why?
Show All Show Less
Jamie05rhs

6 d
Yeah, I would wonder, too.

Answer 16

Jamie05rhs

Re: update: You shouldn't be going to his house anymore if he's going to be spying on you with hidden cameras. That's extremely inappropriate.

Answer 17

Asker

boyfriend is younger, 35, not had many relationships so I cut him more slack than I would anyone else, anyhoo, I showed him lots of positions, it’s just impossible to not move at all. Unless on my back.

Answer 18

Asker

I didn’t really think about the cameras, but we were about to go to sleep and when I came back the bathroom he was watching footage from the camera. I wonder if that’s the only time? And why?

Answer 19

Jamie05rhs

Yeah, I would wonder, too.

Answer 20

Anonymous

Being sexually dominant over a more submissive partner is very erotic for some men. Apparently that’s your boyfriend. That fetish will probably always be there, so if it’s not your thing, then you may not be sexually compatible with him. Angry sex is more of a male phenomenon I think. For some, intense emotions like anger lead to sexual arousal. Anger releases testosterone in his body. It can be a way to release frustration and alleviate the anger and also to re-establish intimacy and emotional connection with his partner. Females often feel the opposite when angry so it can be tough. Angry sex can be healthy so do t be afraid of it.

Answer 21

supercutebutt | 367 opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Explorer

Let him choke you and then come back and haunt him as a terrifying ghost.

Answer 22

Screenwriter | 845 opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Yoda

Something's off about this guy.
I suggest you find another boyfriend. This fetish sounds reprehensible: some control thing.
Sex when he's ANGRY with you?
He needs a therapist, and if you stay with him, so do you. Good luck.

Answer 23

JPrez | 1.7K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Yoda

Dude seems a bit over the top in his domination. Look for a new boyfriend.

Answer 24

Wise4myage | 5.4K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Guru

He sounds like a weirdo to me, but if your ok with all this, then I guess its ok.

Answer 25

Ewgies01 | 288 opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Xper 5

Talk to him. Tell him outside the bedroom what you like/don’t like, what is ok/not ok. If he doesn’t respect your wishes, get rid of him.

Answer 26

NaughtyByNature719 | 210 opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Xper 4

Just be straight up with him, sit down and tell him wht you don't like

Answer 27

Meldrum | 735 opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Xper 6

If you'll excuse the phrase, fuck him! You do what you need to do to feel satisfied.

Answer 28

bklynbadboy1 | 4.9K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Guru

Just tell him how you feel and to me make up sex is the best but if you don't like it just tell him

Answer 29

Anonymous

My guess is, you and him were in your 20s when you both met? Also, it sounds like you're implying he hasn't dated as much as you have

Asker

5 d
He hasn’t dated as much, he’s 35, I’m 47 but I was married for many years. He had a kid young, he’s raised him alone, makes dating hard, and he’s super shy.
Opinion Owner

5 d
Well this is inspiring, even though you are in your 40s,. Do you still have a high sex drive or high libido? Just asking because I feel I have been led to believe that, people are the most sexually active in their 20s, more so than any other decade in their life, plus I haven't dated that much either, when you say that he's kind of shy, are you implying that you made it obvious to him that you liked him or were interested in him?
Asker

5 d
I’ve always looked really young, so not looking 47 and being comfortable with my own sexuality and libido makes me come off as younger. But I’ll tell you this, where do men learn how to have sex properly? An older woman teaches them, that’s why everybody wants a MILF
Show All Show Less
Opinion Owner

5 d
Yeah but even women who are milfs or cougars still expect guys to make the first move or take the lead
Opinion Owner

5 d
Something I've always hated and resented, that guys are always expected to make the first move or be the initiator in starting a relationship
Asker

5 d
Two things1. I don’t wait for men to make the first move and I don’t know any women who do. 2. Don’t stress about it kid, it’s no big deal, Just talk to your girl.
Opinion Owner

5 d
Did you make the first move on your boyfriend or the current guy you're with? Asked him out first or talked to him first?
Asker

5 d
Me personally? We met on tinder, classy right? We texted, Phone calls and face time for a couple months. He’s a single dad, 16yo kid, anyhoo, I liked him first in tinder, he’s super shy
Opinion Owner

5 d
Sounds like he became a dad at 19, you were the one who messaged him first or contacted him first or initiated the relationship?

My guess is, you don't have any kids right?
Asker

4 d
You guys are terrible at this. boyfriend has a 16yo boy, I have three girls 17,17,18. We laugh and have fun but I think because he’s not had many partners, it makes his dom fetish worse, he’s also bothered by my bisexuality. Okay he’s clearly has no self confidence or that it has been over a year for him.
Asker

4 d
Might bug him too. He’s possessive and jealous, I don’t even understand jealousy, why bother. I make more money, etc.
so there’s all that too. Thing is we’re compatible, similar up bringing but we’ve had very different adult lives. All that just compounds for him I guess. I think of one person is dom and the other sub every time, it’s a problem. He’s been flexible in the past but shit, last summer sucked, every time, I was covered in bruises and I’d spend the next couple days in bed. I stop being available in the fall but I’ve ere trying again. And to add a little more wtmff he won’t discuss with me.
Asker

4 d
But he’ll literally look for reasons to be angry, if I move some thing out of the way or some minor nothing he turns into angry sex. So that seems too remediated or at the very least it’s a viable means of conflict resolution. boyfriend might want to dom me but he’s so inconsistent.
Asker

4 d
I introduced myself first- he's shy, but I waited for him to make the first move so be could feel good about it.
Opinion Owner

4 d
It's like why can't women go after men too right?

Answer 30

Asker

He hasn’t dated as much, he’s 35, I’m 47 but I was married for many years. He had a kid young, he’s raised him alone, makes dating hard, and he’s super shy.

Answer 31

Opinion Owner

Well this is inspiring, even though you are in your 40s,. Do you still have a high sex drive or high libido? Just asking because I feel I have been led to believe that, people are the most sexually active in their 20s, more so than any other decade in their life, plus I haven't dated that much either, when you say that he's kind of shy, are you implying that you made it obvious to him that you liked him or were interested in him?

Answer 32

Asker

I’ve always looked really young, so not looking 47 and being comfortable with my own sexuality and libido makes me come off as younger. But I’ll tell you this, where do men learn how to have sex properly? An older woman teaches them, that’s why everybody wants a MILF

Answer 33

Opinion Owner

Yeah but even women who are milfs or cougars still expect guys to make the first move or take the lead

Answer 34

Opinion Owner

Something I've always hated and resented, that guys are always expected to make the first move or be the initiator in starting a relationship

Answer 35

Asker

Two things1. I don’t wait for men to make the first move and I don’t know any women who do. 2. Don’t stress about it kid, it’s no big deal, Just talk to your girl.

Answer 36

Opinion Owner

Did you make the first move on your boyfriend or the current guy you're with? Asked him out first or talked to him first?

Answer 37

Asker

Me personally? We met on tinder, classy right? We texted, Phone calls and face time for a couple months. He’s a single dad, 16yo kid, anyhoo, I liked him first in tinder, he’s super shy

Answer 38

Opinion Owner

Sounds like he became a dad at 19, you were the one who messaged him first or contacted him first or initiated the relationship?

My guess is, you don't have any kids right?

Answer 39

Asker

You guys are terrible at this. boyfriend has a 16yo boy, I have three girls 17,17,18. We laugh and have fun but I think because he’s not had many partners, it makes his dom fetish worse, he’s also bothered by my bisexuality. Okay he’s clearly has no self confidence or that it has been over a year for him.

Answer 40

Asker

Might bug him too. He’s possessive and jealous, I don’t even understand jealousy, why bother. I make more money, etc.
so there’s all that too. Thing is we’re compatible, similar up bringing but we’ve had very different adult lives. All that just compounds for him I guess. I think of one person is dom and the other sub every time, it’s a problem. He’s been flexible in the past but shit, last summer sucked, every time, I was covered in bruises and I’d spend the next couple days in bed. I stop being available in the fall but I’ve ere trying again. And to add a little more wtmff he won’t discuss with me.

Answer 41

Asker

But he’ll literally look for reasons to be angry, if I move some thing out of the way or some minor nothing he turns into angry sex. So that seems too remediated or at the very least it’s a viable means of conflict resolution. boyfriend might want to dom me but he’s so inconsistent.

Answer 42

Asker

I introduced myself first- he's shy, but I waited for him to make the first move so be could feel good about it.

Answer 43

Opinion Owner

It's like why can't women go after men too right?

Answer 44

Valnac | 12.6K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Guru

He’s not too good at relationships.
If you aren’t right with any of his antics, I’d kick him out and find someone who knows how to treat a woman.

Answer 45

Massageman | 3.9K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Master

Find someone who respects your wishes.

Answer 46

OutdoorsForLife | 217 opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Xper 6

Avoid him when he’s mad

Asker

6 d
Yeah that doesn’t always work out. he knows I won’t see him when he’s mad, I guess he lies. He get mad about the silliest shit, it’s hard to avoid.
OutdoorsForLife

6 d
So you just take it?
Asker

6 d
Over the summer it started, the mad sex, so I told him o needed a break. We’ve been fine since December but yesterday he was irritable. We were okay, having sex, etc but he got mad, Over the summer I left like he would save things to be angry about so he could mad at me sex. It must be power reassuring to him.
Show All Show Less
OutdoorsForLife

6 d
Do you wanna move?
Asker

6 d
We don’t live together
Asker

6 d
I’ve tried to break it off. He literally ignores me.
OutdoorsForLife

6 d
I meant move during sex
Asker

6 d
Of course I do. I squirm when I c, which he likes but otherwise no moving and Hands on the bed.
OutdoorsForLife

6 d
If he doesn’t let you move and you don’t consent, that’s rape. Report to the police
Asker

6 d
I inadvertently pushed his hand away or something equally crazy, if I don’t leave them on the bed, he’ll hold them over
My head.
OutdoorsForLife

6 d
It’s rape, report it
Asker

6 d
It’s not rape, I don’t mind most things that come along with being the submissive person in a relationship, I was surprised how about erotic most of my experiences with him were but he’s so hung up on onwership, but what else could he possibly want?
OutdoorsForLife

6 d
Ask him. We don’t know what he wants
Asker

6 d
We have two totally different types of sex. He doesn’t force me, but he knows I won’t come to him if he’s mad. He was fine until 25 minutes in,(he’s not coordinated, I told him to hold my hips or will keep him centered, but he has to hold my neck. ugh, its frustrating
Asker

6 d
I don’t ask because I know the answer, ownership. Sometimes when we’re having sex he’ll ask if I love him or he asks “are you mine” meh
OutdoorsForLife

6 d
Oh. You are just venting. Why didn’t you just say that?
Asker

6 d
I’m not venting, I was married for quite some time, I’m just dating again this past year, I’m a bit rusty. I’m not sure of his behavior is bizarre or unhealthy. Do other men have similar fantasies or behavior. I’ll take the info I’m given and make choices based on that.
Asker

6 d
I didn’t really see the kitchen camera as that odd, but in hindsight, It is quite odd, obviously it wasn’t a live stream because I had gone from the kitchen to the bathroom and back to bed and there he was watching me on the camera from the kitchen. Okay it’s odd, but what does it say about him? Why was he doing it?

Answer 47

Asker

Yeah that doesn’t always work out. he knows I won’t see him when he’s mad, I guess he lies. He get mad about the silliest shit, it’s hard to avoid.

Answer 48

OutdoorsForLife

So you just take it?

Answer 49

Asker

Over the summer it started, the mad sex, so I told him o needed a break. We’ve been fine since December but yesterday he was irritable. We were okay, having sex, etc but he got mad, Over the summer I left like he would save things to be angry about so he could mad at me sex. It must be power reassuring to him.

Answer 50

OutdoorsForLife

Do you wanna move?

Answer 51

Asker

We don’t live together

Answer 52

Asker

I’ve tried to break it off. He literally ignores me.

Answer 53

OutdoorsForLife

I meant move during sex

Answer 54

Asker

Of course I do. I squirm when I c, which he likes but otherwise no moving and Hands on the bed.

Answer 55

OutdoorsForLife

If he doesn’t let you move and you don’t consent, that’s rape. Report to the police

Answer 56

Asker

I inadvertently pushed his hand away or something equally crazy, if I don’t leave them on the bed, he’ll hold them over
My head.

Answer 57

OutdoorsForLife

It’s rape, report it

Answer 58

Asker

It’s not rape, I don’t mind most things that come along with being the submissive person in a relationship, I was surprised how about erotic most of my experiences with him were but he’s so hung up on onwership, but what else could he possibly want?

Answer 59

OutdoorsForLife

Ask him. We don’t know what he wants

Answer 60

Asker

We have two totally different types of sex. He doesn’t force me, but he knows I won’t come to him if he’s mad. He was fine until 25 minutes in,(he’s not coordinated, I told him to hold my hips or will keep him centered, but he has to hold my neck. ugh, its frustrating

Answer 61

Asker

I don’t ask because I know the answer, ownership. Sometimes when we’re having sex he’ll ask if I love him or he asks “are you mine” meh

Answer 62

OutdoorsForLife

Oh. You are just venting. Why didn’t you just say that?

Answer 63

Asker

I’m not venting, I was married for quite some time, I’m just dating again this past year, I’m a bit rusty. I’m not sure of his behavior is bizarre or unhealthy. Do other men have similar fantasies or behavior. I’ll take the info I’m given and make choices based on that.

Answer 64

Asker

I didn’t really see the kitchen camera as that odd, but in hindsight, It is quite odd, obviously it wasn’t a live stream because I had gone from the kitchen to the bathroom and back to bed and there he was watching me on the camera from the kitchen. Okay it’s odd, but what does it say about him? Why was he doing it?

My boyfriend doesn’t want me to move during sex?

Most Helpful Guys

Most Helpful Girls

What Girls & Guys Said

Related myTakes