My boyfriend doesn’t want me to move during sex?

Anonymous

I’m usually quite happy with our sex life, boyfriend let’s me suggest etc (since i have more experience)
However, boyfriend has huge domination fetish! Not like a dead fish, but for example, he wants my bum in be air and my face in the bed and his hand on the back of my neck, and he doesn’t want me to move. He also wants sex when he’s mad at me, which I don’t like. Any advice?

Updates:

+1 y

I’m fine with his domination fetish, he has anal fetishized too, which before him I hadn’t tried. I know for men domination (especially anal sex) can be about control, ownership, etc. it’s primal but him being aroused when he’s mad at me or the world just isn’t enjoyable. He also watches me, all the time, from every position he has be able to see my face or himself fucking me. But I even saw him watching me on a camera mounted in his kitchen.

0 1

Most Helpful Guys

ChrisMaster69 Master
+1 y
He has problems that need addressed.

Dominating a person needs both to want it, one side needs to be a happy and willing submissive.

there needs to be respect and trust,

this is clearly missing. You should just take a chain saw to his cock.

he is not being a Dom, simply a bully, there is nothing Dominant with what he is doing,

At one level, it is an abuse.

the link between a Dom and sub, is based on mutual trust, love, respect.

he is not showing you this, I have done this stuff for years and would happily kick the shit out of a guy bullying a girl in this way.

move on or sit him down and talk to him,

I do not think he will listen or care, so be prepared to just leave him, at some point this type of relationship becomes more abusive.
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- Ewgies01
  +1 y
  @chrismaster69 Google why chainsaws were invented lol
- Asker
  +1 y
  I never know his mood, but he knows I won’t see him if he’s mad. I think him feeling like I’m trying to control his behavior ticks him off. On Sunday, I was to go, we’ve been getting along better, he’s still be going on about me not moving but he’s been better. Ugh it was awful, as soon as o arrived he didn’t like me moving a pillow, I knew I wanted to go home, I even put my shoes on. I said if you want me to stay chill out, calm down, which he hated too.
- Ewgies01
  +1 y
  Doesn’t sound like a good guy. Kick him to the curb.
- Show All Show Less
- Asker
  +1 y
  Sex was awful, just him being angry that I’m moving, which hello if you’re pushing into me, I’m going to move. I old him we could stand up or he could lay on top of my back, he knows I can’t move then. He also hates me suggesting positions most of the time, he’s aroused when I’m choosing positions etc. So why the vast differences? I was lying there like in a ball, hating it.
- Ewgies01
  +1 y
  Nope. Never continue with sex you are hating. Not worth it. What a selfish guy.
- Asker
  +1 y
  Getting rid of him has been hard, I’ve tried. He ignores me or guilts me into seeing him or his son and then we’re off to trying again. I feel badly, he’s obviously screwed up but I’d rather he be someone else’s problem. He calls himself my job. Wtf have I gotten myself into?
- Ewgies01
  +1 y
  Guuurl, delete his number. Get out.
- Asker
  +1 y
  So I told him how much I hated Sunday and then I can’t be completely immobile but I don’t know does he think I’m squirming around intentionally. Every other person I’ve shagged loved watching me squirm. Men and women. Help!!
- Ewgies01
  +1 y
  He’s not going to change. He’s fucked up. Not normal.
- Asker
  +1 y
  How do o get out? I’m usually such a strong person but I feel so warn down by him. I’ll break it off, he’ll leave me alone for a week or so and then he’ll ask me to talk, which turns into him nagging, badgering and arguing with me until I give in. Im too exhausting to fight with him, I’ve tried everything to make it work and then to cut it off.
- Ewgies01
  +1 y
  Don’t talk to him. Ditch him, delete his number and don’t look back.
- Asker
  +1 y
  I’m not an unkind person, it’s not as though I haven’t given him slack, or tried talking to him. Yet he makes me feel guilty, he accuses me of cheating- its just a hassle and behavior like this usually leads to worse and worse behavior. He literally ignores it when o break it off. Thing is he knows he can wear me down, your worst enemy is usually the person who knows you well..
- Asker
  +1 y
  I don’t want a big nasty fight, especially if his son is there and he knows that I won’t argue with him because of that reason. I actually feel some hatred for him, We both had terrible and very similar upbringings and I think he counts on that familiarity and my pity.
Jamie05rhs Master
+1 y
That's weird to me. I wouldn't want to have sex with someone if I was mad at them (or if they were mad at me.)

Regarding the particular position that you're describing: I suppose it can be fun (minus the holding the neck part). But I wouldn't want that to be the only position we do. It would be alright if it was like one of 15 or 20. Hopefully a lot of the other positions allow for movement by the woman. ;)
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- Jamie05rhs
  +1 y
  Re: update: You shouldn't be going to his house anymore if he's going to be spying on you with hidden cameras. That's extremely inappropriate.
- Asker
  +1 y
  boyfriend is younger, 35, not had many relationships so I cut him more slack than I would anyone else, anyhoo, I showed him lots of positions, it’s just impossible to not move at all. Unless on my back.
- Asker
  +1 y
  I didn’t really think about the cameras, but we were about to go to sleep and when I came back the bathroom he was watching footage from the camera. I wonder if that’s the only time? And why?
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- Jamie05rhs
  +1 y
  Yeah, I would wonder, too.

Most Helpful Girls

Anonymous
+1 y
Being sexually dominant over a more submissive partner is very erotic for some men. Apparently that’s your boyfriend. That fetish will probably always be there, so if it’s not your thing, then you may not be sexually compatible with him. Angry sex is more of a male phenomenon I think. For some, intense emotions like anger lead to sexual arousal. Anger releases testosterone in his body. It can be a way to release frustration and alleviate the anger and also to re-establish intimacy and emotional connection with his partner. Females often feel the opposite when angry so it can be tough. Angry sex can be healthy so do t be afraid of it.
1 0 0 0
supercutebutt Guru
+1 y
Let him choke you and then come back and haunt him as a terrifying ghost.
:)
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What Girls & Guys Said

3 8

Screenwriter Guru
+1 y
Something's off about this guy.
I suggest you find another boyfriend. This fetish sounds reprehensible: some control thing.
Sex when he's ANGRY with you?
He needs a therapist, and if you stay with him, so do you. Good luck.
1 1 0 0
Ewgies01 Xper 5
+1 y
Talk to him. Tell him outside the bedroom what you like/don’t like, what is ok/not ok. If he doesn’t respect your wishes, get rid of him.
0 1 0 0
JPrez Yoda
+1 y
Dude seems a bit over the top in his domination. Look for a new boyfriend.
0 0 0 0
NaughtyByNature719 Xper 5
+1 y
Just be straight up with him, sit down and tell him wht you don't like
1 0 0 0
Massageman Editor
+1 y
Find someone who respects your wishes.
0 0 0 0
OutdoorsForLife Xper 6
+1 y
Avoid him when he’s mad
0 0 0 0
- Asker
  +1 y
  Yeah that doesn’t always work out. he knows I won’t see him when he’s mad, I guess he lies. He get mad about the silliest shit, it’s hard to avoid.
- OutdoorsForLife
  +1 y
  So you just take it?
- Asker
  +1 y
  Over the summer it started, the mad sex, so I told him o needed a break. We’ve been fine since December but yesterday he was irritable. We were okay, having sex, etc but he got mad, Over the summer I left like he would save things to be angry about so he could mad at me sex. It must be power reassuring to him.
- Show All Show Less
- OutdoorsForLife
  +1 y
  Do you wanna move?
- Asker
  +1 y
  We don’t live together
- Asker
  +1 y
  I’ve tried to break it off. He literally ignores me.
- OutdoorsForLife
  +1 y
  I meant move during sex
- Asker
  +1 y
  Of course I do. I squirm when I c, which he likes but otherwise no moving and Hands on the bed.
- OutdoorsForLife
  +1 y
  If he doesn’t let you move and you don’t consent, that’s rape. Report to the police
- Asker
  +1 y
  I inadvertently pushed his hand away or something equally crazy, if I don’t leave them on the bed, he’ll hold them over My head.
- OutdoorsForLife
  +1 y
  It’s rape, report it
- Asker
  +1 y
  It’s not rape, I don’t mind most things that come along with being the submissive person in a relationship, I was surprised how about erotic most of my experiences with him were but he’s so hung up on onwership, but what else could he possibly want?
- OutdoorsForLife
  +1 y
  Ask him. We don’t know what he wants
- Asker
  +1 y
  We have two totally different types of sex. He doesn’t force me, but he knows I won’t come to him if he’s mad. He was fine until 25 minutes in,(he’s not coordinated, I told him to hold my hips or will keep him centered, but he has to hold my neck. ugh, its frustrating
- Asker
  +1 y
  I don’t ask because I know the answer, ownership. Sometimes when we’re having sex he’ll ask if I love him or he asks “are you mine” meh
- OutdoorsForLife
  +1 y
  Oh. You are just venting. Why didn’t you just say that?
- Asker
  +1 y
  I’m not venting, I was married for quite some time, I’m just dating again this past year, I’m a bit rusty. I’m not sure of his behavior is bizarre or unhealthy. Do other men have similar fantasies or behavior. I’ll take the info I’m given and make choices based on that.
- Asker
  +1 y
  I didn’t really see the kitchen camera as that odd, but in hindsight, It is quite odd, obviously it wasn’t a live stream because I had gone from the kitchen to the bathroom and back to bed and there he was watching me on the camera from the kitchen. Okay it’s odd, but what does it say about him? Why was he doing it?
Wise4myage Master
+1 y
He sounds like a weirdo to me, but if your ok with all this, then I guess its ok.
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Meldrum Xper 7
+1 y
If you'll excuse the phrase, fuck him! You do what you need to do to feel satisfied.
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bklynbadboy1 Guru
+1 y
Just tell him how you feel and to me make up sex is the best but if you don't like it just tell him
0 0 0 0
Valnac Guru
+1 y
He’s not too good at relationships.
If you aren’t right with any of his antics, I’d kick him out and find someone who knows how to treat a woman.
0 1 0 0
Anonymous
+1 y
My guess is, you and him were in your 20s when you both met? Also, it sounds like you're implying he hasn't dated as much as you have
0 0 0 0
- Asker
  +1 y
  He hasn’t dated as much, he’s 35, I’m 47 but I was married for many years. He had a kid young, he’s raised him alone, makes dating hard, and he’s super shy.
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  Well this is inspiring, even though you are in your 40s,. Do you still have a high sex drive or high libido? Just asking because I feel I have been led to believe that, people are the most sexually active in their 20s, more so than any other decade in their life, plus I haven't dated that much either, when you say that he's kind of shy, are you implying that you made it obvious to him that you liked him or were interested in him?
- Asker
  +1 y
  I’ve always looked really young, so not looking 47 and being comfortable with my own sexuality and libido makes me come off as younger. But I’ll tell you this, where do men learn how to have sex properly? An older woman teaches them, that’s why everybody wants a MILF
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- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  Yeah but even women who are milfs or cougars still expect guys to make the first move or take the lead
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  Something I've always hated and resented, that guys are always expected to make the first move or be the initiator in starting a relationship
- Asker
  +1 y
  Two things1. I don’t wait for men to make the first move and I don’t know any women who do. 2. Don’t stress about it kid, it’s no big deal, Just talk to your girl.
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  Did you make the first move on your boyfriend or the current guy you're with? Asked him out first or talked to him first?
- Asker
  +1 y
  Me personally? We met on tinder, classy right? We texted, Phone calls and face time for a couple months. He’s a single dad, 16yo kid, anyhoo, I liked him first in tinder, he’s super shy
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  Sounds like he became a dad at 19, you were the one who messaged him first or contacted him first or initiated the relationship? My guess is, you don't have any kids right?
- Asker
  +1 y
  You guys are terrible at this. boyfriend has a 16yo boy, I have three girls 17,17,18. We laugh and have fun but I think because he’s not had many partners, it makes his dom fetish worse, he’s also bothered by my bisexuality. Okay he’s clearly has no self confidence or that it has been over a year for him.
- Asker
  +1 y
  Might bug him too. He’s possessive and jealous, I don’t even understand jealousy, why bother. I make more money, etc. so there’s all that too. Thing is we’re compatible, similar up bringing but we’ve had very different adult lives. All that just compounds for him I guess. I think of one person is dom and the other sub every time, it’s a problem. He’s been flexible in the past but shit, last summer sucked, every time, I was covered in bruises and I’d spend the next couple days in bed. I stop being available in the fall but I’ve ere trying again. And to add a little more wtmff he won’t discuss with me.
- Asker
  +1 y
  But he’ll literally look for reasons to be angry, if I move some thing out of the way or some minor nothing he turns into angry sex. So that seems too remediated or at the very least it’s a viable means of conflict resolution. boyfriend might want to dom me but he’s so inconsistent.
- Asker
  +1 y
  I introduced myself first- he's shy, but I waited for him to make the first move so be could feel good about it.
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  It's like why can't women go after men too right?