My SO has emotional issues with blowjobs?

[Anonymous]

This is a question for the ladies.

My SO has massive emotional/psychological issues with giving blowjobs. She hasn't said much with regard to the physical sensation, but on multiple occasions she mentioned feeling ashamed, low, or dirty (not in a good way) from doing them. So naturally I stopped asking and haven't for a loooong time.

She grew up in a household where sexuality was heavily repressed and shamed. No locks on doors, no boyfriends, no sexuality of any kind. Even though she was curious from a young age.

Ladies, how can I help her through these traumas so she can express her true self sexually? What thoughts help you feel comfortable with yourself in that way? What turns you on about pleasing a man? How can I make a space for her where we can get her limiting beliefs out in the open and get past them? I want her to be happy.

[SnowyOwl]

" She grew up in a household where sexuality was heavily repressed and shamed. No locks on doors, no boyfriends, no sexuality of any kind. Even though she was curious from a young age. " --> this makes me believe that perhaps she had a religious upbringing, but one that was unhealthy and based on control, and not really understanding... anyway
Personally, I've had a religious upbring (not being aware of it because I didn't go to church, my mom would just make us do weekly activities to reflect about life and values and principles...), and I kind of understand the struggle between not knowing what is right when it comes to sexual intimacy.
Here's where I stand with it though: A couple that is married is a team of two sould that have decided to unite to undertake this learning journey together, and that will support and love each other for eternity. The church that I "follow" affirms that sexual intimacy is important to strengthen that spiritual unity in married couples. What happens behind the doors is the couples business and they don't interfere/judge really in current times (a lot has changed in history).
So personally what I would do is talk it out and agree with my partner that our goal is to strengthen our spiritual bond. We should express our needs that will make us feel connected, and protected, and we should understand those of our SO. With this goal in mind, I would try to ask her about why is this difficult. But honestly its really important that you show love and affection regardless because if she gets insecure about her capacity to "love you", that anxiety can grow and disconnect you deeply.
Maybe you guys can go to a hypnotherapist together, to get those unresolved traumas out.
I used to not be ok with bj because I thought it was disgusting when I was younger, but I have another kind of understanding now, and I think that when I love a person deeply I want to give to them and make them feel that they are mine and that I am theirs, and there is just a really strong connection happening beyond the material act, because the right kind of stimulation triggers altered states of mind, and its like accessing another reality. I think if there was no deeper connection I would not do it. And if you guys are married than it makes a lot of sense to seek that connection (:
If this makes sense you I suggest you talk it out with her

[Asker]

I appreciate this response and you sharing your experience with this :) thanks for your vulnerability here

[FictionalCharacter]

I think the root of problem is hypocritical. Since your significant other was raised by parents who obviously had sex themselves, which is why she was born. I understand and respect parents educating their children for safe sex to prevent STD/AIDS. But to hinder them from it does cause problems.

But yeah, BJ is considered a problem for some religious people. As they see it as something dirty and low.

[AshleyTaylorDanny]

I suggest giving this a read

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/9732862-getting-wild-sex-from-your-conservative-woman

It was written by porn star Brandi Love. She was kinda raised in a similar fashion as your girlfriend and well obviously she got past all of those inhibitions 😃

[Asker]

Downloaded the audio. Thanks :)

[Agape93]

Talk to her, ask why she feels that way.

[Anonymous]

I think a woman can be PERFECTLY happy and not give blowjobs.
Personally, I don't like doing them because they're uncomfortable and I hate someone pushing on my head or grabbing and holding my hair!
I don't expect a guy to give me head either. It's OK, but it doesn't get me off anyway.
Is this about repression? No. It's about what feels good to me. Blowjobs don't turn me on doing them. Cunnilingus doesn't give me orgasms. I get them from fingering and from sex. So there's nothing wrong with me.
You seem to indicate that a woman needs to be able to enjoy blowjobs to be sexually liberated or fulfilled. Sounds like you WANT her to enjoy blowjobs because YOU want them. This isn't about her. It's about you.

[Asker]

No. How you interpreted what I said is not how I meant it. But I appreciate your input thank you :)

[Opinion Owner]

Well then, please. Explain what you DID mean.