Is it normal that my boyfriend got soft during this time?

[Anonymous]

He was originally hard and then I started looking for something naked with the light on (it’s the first time he sees me naked with the light/flashlight on) and I he was looking at me jerking off but then his dick was soft and then when I asked him if he wanted to continue having sex (go for a second round) he said no that it’s fine and that’s the first time that he’s said that. I got really sad and I cried I probably overreacted but I felt very unattractive I felt disgusting even and I was crying so much. Sex also sucked today it hurt so bad the whole time. I’ve also been feeling very down and sad in general. I was looking forward to today because it was one of the only times that I saw him in the week (I only see him twice a week) but it just ended up being another sad day for me

[Gwenhwyfar]

The getting soft part is normal the scene you described was more domestic than erotic even if you were naked. It’s not your fault he wasn’t turned on guys aren’t always horny 100% of the time either but you need to message your doctor soon! It’s not normal (in my experience) for sex to hurt that bad after you’ve been having it for several months. I don’t wanna give you advice cause I’m not a doctor but I’m seriously concerned.

[Asker]

The first round was just normal for me just some pain when he’s inserting himself but the round after I was crying a lot I was just sad and had lost interest in it because I was so sad and it just hurt the whole time because I wasn’t really in the mood for sex and I just let him do it

[Asker]

It was also the first time that we tried doggy style and it just hurt so much because I wasn’t in the mood for sex

[Asker]

He had to like really push himself in me

[Asker]

I made an appointment for Thursday he’s going to take me to the gyno

[Asker]

I have a feeling that I just need more foreplay he gives me oral but that only feels a little good to me but when I touch myself it feels really good

[Gwenhwyfar]

Tbh I think you’re right some girls (like me) need a lot of foreplay but just in case you’re doing the right thing

[Ewgies01]

Get some lube! Don’t ever continue with sex when you are too dry.

[Asker]

Yeah we used lube but i think it was causing me to have a burning sensation

[Asker]

He’s had the same lube since September I think

[Ewgies01]

Maybe you were sore from yesterday or something? The second it hurts STOP. Not worth it.

[Gwenhwyfar]

@Ewgies01 agreed

[Gwenhwyfar]

Thanks girl 😊

[Asker]

No prob

[Pink2000]

Omg I’m so sorry. I know how you feel and I’ve been depressed because of it. The only thing I can tell you is that he loves you and he does find you attractive. Otherwise he wouldn’t have been hard to begin with.

[Asker]

I’m sorry

[Asker]

Why are you depressed? Sometimes after sex I just get super sad and I don’t know why I think maybe it’s because I’ve never been able to come before and I just sometimes feel bad because I wish that I could feel good too

[Asker]

I don’t know maybe I just have been feeling empty after sex?

[Pink2000]

I messaged you on snap. But it’s a common thing for girls not to be able to come with their partner. I think you should start exploring with him. Figure out what really does it for you.

[DrunkAss]

That's round two, no? You shouldn't assume a guy finds you unattractive in this context. Try to find your voice here and talk to each other, no rush. Try to slow everything down enough so that you two are on the same page and so that it doesn't hurt for you.

[Asker]

I was feeling very sad and I tried to ignore it and have sex anyways and it just hurt I think my mood had something to do with it it is also frustrating that I don’t feel like I could feel as good during sex I look forward to it a lot but it just ends up being a disappointment even if he lasts long I just felt sad after having sex I don’t know the feeling

[Asker]

That I have

[DrunkAss]

I tend to think sometimes that there's a bit of a disconnect sometimes with sex, and that can hurt girls more and it might even make it more difficult for guys to get into it. It's a mental thing and a communication thing. And guys can go limp for any number of reasons, especially during round two. Try not to jump to conclusions. You're still together, you can have a better experience next time. And try to have some fun -- a little laughter in the bedroom isn't necessarily a mood killer. You enjoy each other. It's not a performance.

[DrunkAss]

Also if you've been having sex in the dark, maybe it'd help to each try having a shower together. Touch each other, wash each other's backs, kiss each other. Talking, sharing, affection, sex -- they all sort of blur together. Most of all you need to feel very comfortable with each other.

[Asker]

I’m going to have to move out for that because I’m not allowed to do anything and he lives with his parents too so we can’t shower together I’m not allowed to spend the night at a hotel either or anything

[DrunkAss]

That's a bit tricky until then but I think mostly just try to take it slow, have some fun. I think especially when we're young, we get into that sort of "performance" mindset in the bedroom and that can also be a source of nerves and pressure that can also make guys limp. You just learn how to avoid moving any faster than you two are both comfortable moving and speak your minds and things will become much better.

[Paolaa988]

Gosh that sucks girl.. I’m still a virgin and haven’t even been close to a guy really in years but I’m sure it has nothing to do with him feeling less attracted to you or anything. What I do know though is when I used to tease my ex boyfriend on camera and he tried to go a second round sometimes he’d feel soft but maybe it’s numbness? I’m not sure but sometimes guys dicks get sensitive

[summiter]

Sex should not hurt... try a lot more foreplay or better yet use some lube.. it is great. Has he gone for round 2 or 3 before this?

[ZackBan]

Unlike what pornography would have you believe guys don't just get errection at the sight of a naked woman in fact that moment is often so overwhelming that as the mind thinks a thousand different thing the errection fades on it's own. It's a skill to master keeping your mind empty and your errection hard and it's safe to say most men still slip up from time to time.

You say it's the first time he saw you, that is strange considering how many times you did it already one would think you're comfortable enough around eachother to do it with a bit of light or turn on the light afterwards while being naked.

I understand your insecurity and for once you're not overthinking as all girls wonder about the same thing especially early in their sex life.

The only way for you to put it to rest is to face it. Next time you're having sex tell him you wanna do it with the lights on and see if he keeps his errection.

I never saw you naked but I can tell you are a beautiful human being inside and out and the anatomy of your body holds no sway over that

[Asker]

He’s seen me naked many times it’s just that his room is very dim lighted since he doesn’t have a light like most people he has a little lamp and when we had sex earlier he could see me but he’s never seen me with a bright light except for that picture that I sent him

[ZackBan]

Well like I said you should talk him into well lit sex and see how that goes. But don't worry too much about it it's not unnatural to lose an errection

[Asker]

Okay I’ll tell him

[TonyV]

We really domt have that much control over if our dick is soft or hard.
It's hard at times when it dosent need to be, like if I wake up and stretch, BOOM, I've got a boner for no reason, I sure wasn't turned on by anything that's for sure.
Random things make it soft, if I take just a little time to read a message while I'm looking at porn I'll loose my erection.

So he may have just lost the boner cause you were doing something.
Maybe if this was the first time he saw you naked he was nervous, we can get soft If we are nervous.
Dont take it so serious, I'm sure him loosing his boner means nothing.

[TazWax]

Sex probably sucked today because you have been over thinking it. There is many reason he could have gotten soft many starting with he wasn't really that horny to begin with. You don't need to take any of this personal.

[modelUN242]

Porn-addict or he’s not actually attracted to you.

[Jjpayne]

I think relationships are very interactive. They are not always dependent on things going a certain way and are always moving and changing. Some forms of interaction don't always look the same or feel the same. Sometimes it's just about adjusting to each other. It's tough when there are awkward situations but I will say that overreacting, overthinking and assuming are all not good places to start off at. Emotion is a powerful thing and yes it's easy to say, just turn it off. But relationships are complicated. This will not be your final uncomfortable place in the relationship. It's worth it to be able to get some space in moments like that and go for a walk or go to a place and learn something to calm down like a meditation pose and stay there until you get calm and not tense anymore. A great trick that takes a time investment is daily listening to peaceful music and choosing to have a moment of peace in a certain pose. If you train your brain to do that, during moments like you just had, you can learn to relax by finding a place to calm down and regain yourself. Because heavy emotions is not always the best place to be or the most effective at solving the problem. I think a calmer and clearer head helps a little bit more

[Almost10inch4funlol]

Oh my men forget or don’t even know how much women are in their heads with every action lol. Really he probably was satisfied or couldn’t even keep it up for you through that break. Especially if he was drinking or anything like that. Listen you woman don’t understand we work our ass off to be able to last in your pussy which is perfectly made for our dicks to cum as fast as possible 😂🤦🏽‍♂️ It can be hard work If your pussy is above average tightness/wetness or your above our average attraction so with all that said he might have just understood he didn’t have another one in him 😂 for your amazing pussy so don’t take it personally he is attracted to you he was jacking his dick to try to continue.

And the reason it hurts now is because your pussy is not aroused due to your own mental blocks of feelings unattractive. Your pussy is only 1-3” deep when resting not aroused and becomes engorged with blood pressure when sexually Aroused stretching your pussy from the 1-3” to about 7-10 inches to receive a nice dick. So you’re having sex with a collapse vagina and you must tell him you need his validation that you are attractive. Anyway just communicate your feelings and you’ll be surprised how fast and certain he assures you it wasn’t because of you.

[Asker]

I did communicate my feelings I just didn’t know if this was normal or not. I told him that I’m sorry that my body is probably disgusting (I said that while crying) and he told me that I don’t know how attracted he is to me and how much the pictures I sent him of me turn him on he also told me later to never say that again because my body is not disgusting

[Almost10inch4funlol]

Great that’s exactly what I expected from him sounds like a good guy and we feel so bad if our woman thinks we are not enjoying their beauty

[TadCurious]

Jay when a guy's penis doesn't work like a machine it's really common for their female partner to think that has something to do with a lack of attraction for them. But it doesn't. The penis isn't a foolproof machine and sometimes it doesn't work --- especially if the guy has already orgasmed. There are lots of different factors that can affect the erectile response that have nothing to do with a lack of attraction for a female partner.

[Finchie40]

As long as he doesn’t say keep the lights off you’re ok , Sometimes guys get nervous on how he looks naked as well , especially if it’s with someone new, why sex is best with someone you feel totally comfortable with , So a guy can go limp if he doesn’t feel that she will find him attractive. Nerves can easily mess up an erection , I experienced that sometimes when I was younger and it was nothing to do with the girl it was more to do with my self conscious of how I looked naked to her , But if it did happen I would immediately tell her it’s not You it’s me , let me relax a little and come and kiss me if she did and made me feel relaxed and comfortable then it would get erect again and I was able to fuck her brains out , It’s embarrassing admitting that now cuz I don’t have that problem anymore , but it’s true and I heard other
Guys go through the same thing so i am not the only one lol

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Well, I have been with 2 ex-girlfriends, and both times I had problems getting a hard-on
and they would try playing with my dick but could not get it up and trust me in
your case, it's not your issue this does happen with a lot of guys, we just end up
going soft, recently the girl who used to live upstairs would come down and
she once tried rubbing her forearm on my dick and I started getting hard but
it was the wrong place and wrong time, I think if the environment around us
was more private and less noise I would of let her jack me off but that never
happened so in your case don't put the blame on you, things happen with guys

[Ripper_E]

If it's the 2nd time, probably normal.
Has nothing to do with you.

[Asker]

Yeah he already came before that

[Asker]

I just didn’t know a lot about males so I just felt bad he is also the first guy and only guy that I’ve had a sexual connection with

[Ripper_E]

I don't have that problem, but I found out I'm not normal.

[hhH2traveler]

Im sorry, it was probably nothing but its his responsibility to make you feel loved.

[UnknownGagsUser]

Aww i hope you feel alright..

[Mark987]

Wow there are a lot of questions here

[Mark987]

so you guys had sex... and you wanted a second round and he got " soft" right?

[Asker]

Yes we finished having sex and then he got hard and then I started to look for my socks because I didn’t like my feet and I was naked right in front of him he was touching himself but couldn’t get hard. He was soft while I was naked right in front of him then when I asked him if he wanted to continue having he said no that it’s fine which is weird because he never says that

[Mark987]

It does happen to guys... don't be upset.. each man is different... one day they can go 3-5 times and sometimes they can't get hard... don't be upset it has nothing to do with you... if anything maybe try and doing foreplay to get him " hard"

[Ewgies01]

That’s normal. It wasn’t you.

[bannacookies]

Maybe you're just not ready for sex yet and that's why you have a hard time to enjoy it, or maybe he's not the right partner for you sex wise. Don't be too hard on yourself. You'll learn more about yourself soon. Nothing is your fault on him getting soft.

[Asker]

I was crying and sad so of course I wasn’t ready that day

[Asker]

The other day that we had sex was good I just felt so down and was overthinking so it really affected me and my mood sexually

[bannacookies]

Yes, but things like that shouldn't be happening ever for sex. (Possibly the birth control is making you more sad.) So don't be too upset about yourself & the situation. It's not your fault. If it persists, maybe talk to your doctor about mood side effects of birth control (or do some research online.)

[Asker]

I think it’s the birth control and this week I’ve just been feeling like that I also felt like i was unattractive to him and naturally have a low self esteem

[Meldrum]

First, get with your primary care then your GYN. Explain the situation medically.

[Asker]

I wasn’t in the mood and I probably needed foreplay

[alance99]

Firstly there is nothing wrong with you and you shouldn't feel low or unattractive, secondly gettting soft is very normal infact he might also been feeling embarassed that he soft and its not same that he will always go for round 2 and 3. So just forget about this and think about next time how to make it hot and steamy 😊😊🙂🙂

[devil_8888]

Maybe he was exhausted and he needed to charge up his machine to shoot within you. So he could have gone soft.


It’s not your fault coz any guy would get his dick hard looking at a naked girl.