Is a sexless relationship a deal breaker?

So I've come to the conclusion that I'm either asexual or a prude (I'm having a hard time figuring out which one, but I know it's one of those) and I want a boyfriend but I know it's probably going to be difficult because of how weird I am about sex. So in your opinion, how do I bring this up to guys? And would a sexless relationship be a deal breaker? And if it is, would an open relationship solve that? Where they can hook up elsewhere because I'm not comfortable doing so? And if an open relationship still doesn't solve it, what are some things I can do to get comfortable with sex without actually having sex with a dude?
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Superb Opinion

  • Well, that's what you would call a friendship. I mean, if you want to be in an open relationship with me and my wife where we just hang out, again, that would be friendship.

    I have several guys I'm in sexless open relationships with, as well as women (mostly because they won't sleep with me). If you're uninterested in sex, that's cool, that's your thing, you have your reasons and I have no reason to doubt or press you on that.

    If you feel lonely though, and need someone you can trust, be close to... and not have sex with (or much pressure to), then you need a friend. I'm going to take a wild guess that up to this point your advice has been "give it time" "One day you'll meet the right guy" stuff like that.

    Well, maybe you will, but maybe he'll be a raging asshole that you wish you never had met and yet, still be the only person you are attracted to sexually. Boy wouldn't that be fun. Regardless, why the urge for a relationship if you're averse to sex?

Most Helpful Guy

  • i was in a relationship like this kind of a long while back , she wanted too stay a virgin till her dieing days but we still hooked up because i told her it would be fine seeing how it has been 20 years since i had sex at the time. it was all good we still did the sex talk and she helped me get off while she never wanted that stuff supposedly lol.

    we lasted 7 years things were going good till... she wanted me to just finger her a bit because she was curious about some stuff. its kind f complicated seeing how she was really intent on being like that. but she cracked after i did that fr her. dont ask me why it took so long for her to ask me but it did and i respected that without question.

    anyway getting back to the girl a few months later after having fingered she wound up with another guy and married him. i scratched my head thinking WTF? lol but i let it go
    because she was just odd and i never really could figure her out.

    not sure what happened t her i moved on while she is happy with her life , but i do question what it was that made her so interesting it drew me to her like moth to a flame.

    we never did have sex so im still have my record for longest time without sex lol.
    it will be 30 years next year since i have had sex. and i can't really complain , because you meet interesting people when sex is not what draws people to you.

Most Helpful Girls

  • To get comfortable with sex, don't watch regular porn. That will make you dislike sex. Watch amateur porn, is more realistic. Read some erotic books if you love reading like me. The storyline is usually pretty romantic, loving, passionate, and kinky, which is what doing sex with someone you love is. And yes, being in an open relationship would help, but find a partner that has your same sexuality. Is hard to find, I know. But that's why I'm suggesting you start using the dating site for asexual people called: asexual cupid. Good luck finding someone there! Is such a big community, I'm sure you will.🤍

  • I feel like there is something deeper here. Do you self pleasure? What do you think is at the heart of your discomfort with sex?

    • I mean I do but it's not because I'm horny, it's because im bored and passing time. And I actually stop before I cum because I feel like I'm scared of my body? If that makes sense. Like I don't want to cum? And I don't know if there's anything deeper because I can't think of a reason for my discomfort, it's just there without a reason for it. I never had a sexual assault experience or anything like that, so I don't know, it's just unexplained I guess.

    • I think you need to see a therapist that specializes in sexual disfunction.

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What Girls & Guys Said

7 25
  • You would not be the first asexual person to exist, it might not be a bad idea to find another asexual person. That would probably be the easiest way.

    But it depends on the person you're with, if there is an incredible emotional and romantic connection then yeah I probably would stay with that person. I want kids but fuck it I can adopt.

    Anyway for the last one, even if you don't really want to have sex but you really want to do it for your partner, you could practice. Get more comfortable with it through very very amateur pornography Or erotic literature or masturbation. something to get you more comfortable with the feeling and the idea without committing to another person.

    What makes you believe that you are asexual?

    • I believe that I'm asexual because I've just never really wanted to have sex or learn much about it. I'm 22 and I'm still a virgin because it's not something I ever thought about. I don't really ever get turned on either, unless I'm really bored and I turn myself on out of boredom but other than that, I'm just never horny. I almost feel indifferent to the thought of sex. But I also feel like I could just be a prude because a person that's "indifferent" wouldn't be so scared and weirded out about sexual topics and I sometimes get that way. I guess I could be both? I don't know but I do now that I'm not like the majority of people when it comes to sex

    • Well if you get scared and weirded out about sexual topics then that kind of does not fit the mold. asexual means that you don't experience sexual interest in others, but it doesn't include any sort of aversion to sex. Plenty of asexual people still masturbate or sometimes have sex just like scratching an itch rather than pursuing it in a romantic sense. It could be that you just have an abnormally low libido, or some sort of trauma in the past that gives you an aversion to sex.

    • I guess I have an abnormally low libido because I don't have any sexual trauma at all

    • Show All
  • So I think this is hard to answer. For the right person, I think accommodations could be made that will make the relationship healthy as long as both parties involved are open to those things and if an open relationship was part of that solution, it would also be appropriate to see how that really makes you feel in the long-term.

    There is another option that may be available and doesn't particularly make you a prude. You could be demisexual in which you would be more comfortable and willing with someone you have that more intimate connection with emotionally. In the case of demisexuals, most do not want sex unless it is with someone they have that connection with. Not saying that you aren't asexual or whatever because I am certainly not going to argue how one sees their own sexualityn but just another option to consider as to what you are struggling to figure out here.

  • Yeah would be a huge deal breaker for me. I love sex and love talking to my boyfriend about sex. Personally a relationship without sex is just a friendship.

  • Well first of all I would have to explore it even deeper since I may want to know type of guy I would want to explore the possibility of the reason why you feel this way so I would want to explore sensuality touch and becoming one with you because in my mind if you could feel what I feel in the energy that flows through me into you there is no possible way I would that you would be either one of those and I would have to try that Avenue 1st and I would want to try it more than one time just for the fact you have to experience something before you can understand it

  • If they need to look for other girl to get sex, why they need you? yea it's a dealbreaker.

  • That’s not a relationship at all, it’s just a friend.

  • Personally for me a 100% deal breaker.

  • It sounds like you want a male friend, more than a boyfriend.

  • After a reasonable grace period, if she does not make me cum, she will make me go.
    It is an undeniable fact of life. Many women think it's optional and "shouldn't be that way". They fool themselves.

  • yeah 100% dealbreaker for me. Open relationship wouldn't solve it. I can -wait- but a partner who is sexually aroused by me and does want me is an absolute requirement.

  • for me yes it would be a huge dealbreaker.

  • your best bet is to get with another asexual. No normal man is going to want to be with someone who wants a sexless relationship. It just does not work that way.

  • Stay single

  • A sexless relationship is called a friendship.

  • You and my wife are the same, she wouldn't care if she never had sex again,
    but it's a different story for me. We have not had sex in at least six years.

  • Id say its ok IF I only wanted to be friends.

  • 100% deal breaker.

  • Hell yeah!!

  • I will wait 2 years for sex.

  • If there not sex its not a relationship its a friendship

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