Why is my boyfriend secretive of his browsing history?

[katiebaby44_]

I know my boyfriend has watched porn since we started dating, and he knows I’m not fond of it. That, however, isn’t going to keep me from breaking up with him.
I noticed his browser is on private mode every once in a while. The other day he showed me something on google (not in private mode) and kept holding his hand out like he wanted his phone back before I started clicking too much.
What could it be? Maybe porn, but maybe something else? Any ideas?
I’d also like to mention that I NEVER go through his phone. I know it’s been on private mode after he showed me something or I walk past and see the dark URL bar, etc. I’ve never actually taken his phone and tried to look at his history. I do have respect for his privacy.
It does bother me, though. Like clearly he’s hiding SOMETHING. I have asked him my it’s on private mode before to which he responded “oh it is? I don’t know how to turn it off” then I showed him and he still said the same thing. So clearly he’s full of shit now.

[JinRavage]

I would describe looking at a man's browsing history as the same as looking inside a man's pants. If you dig in and find something lewd, you have no right to be surprised. Now some men can limit their lewd desires to the woman they are with. however if the woman they are with have a bunch of weird hang ups about adult entertainment to begin with, then they do not seem to be the kind of person to fulfill the sexual desires of the man they are with. Some women claim that porn is only for men. I would argue, the where does 50 shades of gray come from? It is not explicit enough to be porn, but more than lewd enough to not be considered a "normal" novel. What are we left with? A story about a wealthy prick that psychologically and physically abuses the female protagonist to the point they believe that it is exciting sex life.

The point of the story? Men can entertain themselves sexually with clear sexual entertainment for 30 min occasionally. Women on the other hand create a ridiculous scenario where they get treated like dog shit on a million dollar carpet at a New York condo.

[loves2learn]

I like porn. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Meldrum]

@loves2learn Many women do, few admit it openly.

[Andres77]

If it's porn... good luck.
If he's cheating... also good luck but it needs to be dealt with.

Let him know that you don't like porn but you can't control him. At least hopefully he's not looking at anything illegal.

If he's so secretive about his phone because he's cheating he'd better fix his shit now or get the hell out.

If he is cheating then he could always just clean up suspicious texts and show you the porn so you get off his back but there's other ways to catch a cheater.

If he's bringing up bizarre stuff into the bedroom because his kinks are getting too wild... that's another red flag that needs to be dealt with.

Seriously, good luck. Keep seeking advice. There are lots of sharp people in here.

[AmandaYVR]

I know it's hard, because you two are close and humans are very curious creatures. But these phones have become our meta brains. They hold almost literally ALL our secrets.

It really doesn't matter what's on his. You have to put this out of your mind. Treat his phone as if it's a password to his brain. It's off limits.

[loves2learn]

I’m 99% sure it’s porn. You told him you disapproved and he doesn’t want you to call him out.

[katiebaby44_]

If he’s comfortable lying to me about it because it will make me upset, doesn’t that just mean he doesn’t care about lying? What else has he lied about oh lord :(

[loves2learn]

No. It’s a tough spot. He knows you don’t approve and doesn’t want to offend or upset you. But guys watch porn. It’s a fact of life. I don’t think he’s comfortable lying I think he’s caught between a rock and a hard place. Would you ever watch it with him? There’s some really good couples stuff out there on xvideos. I’m sure he would love that, feel validated and you too would get in the mood.

[katiebaby44_]

We never watch it together. Honestly I get real weird and uncomfortable when he sees other girls naked. Just feels wrong lol How is that not cheating?

[loves2learn]

I know I’m not the best person to answer this question because my friend and I found her dad’s porn stash when we were 8 and looked at it daily for a year. So in my mind porn is really normal. If he’s watching regular couples (that’s my favorite) he’s imagining if you and he were doing that. If that makes sense.

[katiebaby44_]

That does make sense. I grew up in a religious household where it was strongly encouraged not to have sex until your married (wrong if you did, in fact). My beliefs are very different now. That being said my childhood was pretty G-Rated and sheltered until I got to public high school. Because of this, I struggle a lot-am I wrong for thinking this is wrong? Am I weird bc I don’t think it’s normal? Do I have to accept something that makes me uncomfortable just to be with a man? That means I’ll probably never be happy but I don’t know how to just get over it.

[loves2learn]

I think you two would both be happier if you tried to meet in the middle. It’s never wrong to feel the way you feel. But it’s good to look at the other side and ask yourself why a reasonable rational person would do that. My parents sex talk with me when I was 12 was “don’t have sex before marriage.” Even when I was 12 I knew I wasn’t going to let them control what I did with my body.

[katiebaby44_]

That’s very true. Thank you for your advice :)!

[loves2learn]

Of course! :)

[AustinMan]

It sounds to me like you enjoy being distrustful and only a guy who is completely open will do and those are extremely rare.

[summiter]

Is he fooling around on the side? Porn is ok but is he watching weird porn? How is your sex life with him? Is he just watching porn for something to jerk off to? Yes all younger guys masturbate frequently... they just will never admit it.

[kkirk4442]

If he's secretive, there is something he doesn't want you to know.

[Neko911]

Because you made him feel bad about watching porn, so now he's forced to hide it and not tell you

[Neko911]

So of course he's hiding it from you because you made it clear for some reason it bothers you

[bowenw]

He's most likely hiding porn from you because he knows you're not fond of it.

[Browneye57]

Why do you put up with that bullshit? Seriously.
He's either jerking off to porn, or fucking around with girls online. Dump him and get a real man.

[katiebaby44_]

Is it realistic to find a man that won’t watch porn? I hate dating someone that does, but I’ve yet to find someone that honestly doesn’t. I thought it was a child thing but my guy is a grown ass man I don’t understand why he feels the need when I’m literally there.

[Browneye57]

Yes, of course it is. And yes, the porn addiction is quite common. You're what's called a 'porn-widow'. He would rather jerk off to porn that be with you. And you can't compete with all that depravity. I would not put up with it, no more than I would her fucking around. So here's how you fix it... You sit him down and explain that porn is all fake and depraved, and he either needs to get some help to quit, or just quit himself. He needs to make YOU his sole sexual outlet. Period. So tell him if he wants to get his rocks off he needs to come to you. And you promise to never say 'no', ever. Whatever it takes, a bj, a handjob, a quickie, whatever. The porn has to stop. Now you get to see what his true priorities are. And you have to be willing to actually walk away. Sometimes things in life, especially in relationships, require you to be willing to walk away, to just let the chips fall where they may, to know in your heart of hearts that you'll be just fine no matter how it shakes out.

[loves2learn]

Is he choosing porn over you? I find that hard to believe. Most of the time it’s a supplement to a relationship.

[katiebaby44_]

@loves2learn hard to say. I mean he spends lots of time in the bathroom alone like 30 mins at a time. We don’t have sex as often as we used to. We both work so much and are so tired during the week it’s mostly just on weekends now.

[katiebaby44_]

Thank you for your response! I agree that being willing to walk away is important, and I’ve personally struggled a lot with that... I am SO the opposite of assertive. If I told him it’s porn or me he’d probably laugh it my face.

[loves2learn]

Try scheduling some time for the 2 of you to be intimate a couple times during the week. It’s hard to motivate yourself when you are tired. I’m serious. Send him a calendar invite. My hubs sends them and they are fun. If it’s on the calendar it has to happen right?

[katiebaby44_]

@loves2learn oh my god that’s awesome LOL. I’m gonna do that now

[loves2learn]

Get it girl! Tell me how it goes.

[zamasux]

If recently he has started using some different browser then let me tell some of the browsers come with default incognito mode. Even if you turn off that features next time when you use that app it will by default start with incognito mode. This might be the case you may confirm.

[hhH2traveler]

You could just tell him your curious and won't get mad at him (if you won't). Maybe he will, but it doesn't really matter. Well now that i think about it, i would be curious too what my girlfriend was looking at if i had one.

[Meldrum]

He doesn't want you to see what porn he's watchiing.

[SirJohn42]

well the porn is an issue. But maybe hiding secret girlfriend from you..

[CuriousMufuxka]

Yeah, you've pretty much gone through his phone..

[Benja35]

I can only speak for myself.. but if we are not having sex then I jerk off a lot. I sometimes need visualization so I look at porn. I don’t won’t her to see my browsing history

[Valnac]

I look at porn when I’m single.
when I meet a girl, she gets all my sexual attention.

[nudeNhorny]

Maybe not porn what he is hiding, maybe he is cheating on you

[Insecuregirl1760]

I’m not sure but me I just look at it when he’s sleeping cause I know his password🤷🏽‍♀️ I hate it but I say as long as I’m not there it’s okay. If I’m there he has something to do!!!

[QuietRunner]

He watches porn and doesn't want to tell you about it

[jjj101010]

Maybe he’s just embarrassed about the type of porn he likes.

[jjj101010]

Happy to discuss. I use poem myself so can empathise

[jjj101010]

Porn not poem lol

[katiebaby44_]

That’s concerning lol. When I caught it last time (I used his laptop for something and it was already pulled up) it’s was pretty “normal” stuff. (For lack of a better word... everyone has their likes/dislikes but you know what I mean). Have you ever been with someone that knew and didn’t like it? If so, how did it make you feel?

[jjj101010]

Follow me and I’ll message u

[Anonymous]

So what if he watches porn. Both my girlfriend and I watch it and it's all cool.