If you're in an opposite sex relationship with a bisexual and they have sex with someone of their same sex, do you consider that to be cheating?

Question

I was dating a bisexual woman. She said that her same sex interest was buried in the remote past, she was eager to be my wife, and I thought she was right for me, so we got married. After about 18 months of marriage, she wanted to go back home (a thousand miles away) to visit friends. Since she had a fear of flying, she wanted to travel by train. Then she "discovered" that a female friend also wanted to travel to the same general vicinity so they decided they would travel together for security. Then my wife asked me to get her a private sleeping compartment for the train trip.

Her lesbian desires were not quite so buried and she was unfaithful to me. Of course, she didn't confess this to me directly. However, someone who knew my wife and her "travelling companion" learned about the tryst and assumed that I knew about it, so that person approached me and started talking about the affair, inadvertently "spilling the beans" on everything.

My wife tried to defend herself by saying that it was not cheating since it was not PIV sex. It didn't really sound like a defense to me and we were divorced within 4 months.

I will never again become involved with a bisexual female. I know that heterosexual females are also capable of cheating but at least I know that I can satisfy the sexual desires of a heterosexual female while I realize that I can never fully satisfy the sexual desires of a bisexual female.

Would you have accepted her excuse? Would you have stayed in that relationship?

I would never date a bisexual person

I've never dated a bisexual person but it sounds like it could be fun

Of course it's cheating

It's not cheating because it a same sex person and that's something that I would never be able to give to my partner

It's not cheating because you should expect a bisexual person to satisfy their same sex needs even when they are dating you

It's not cheating unless it's PIV sex

It may be technically cheating but if I forgive them, maybe they'll be open to having threesomes

Select age and gender to cast your vote:

GirlGuy

Answer 1

razelove | 1.2K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Guru

It depends on how you started the relationship and what explicit expectations you have of each other. Like, say you were a player, she's bisexual, she sleeps with other women, you sleep with other women, but both of you expected that from each other and talked about it beforehand, it isn't cheating, it's the dynamic of your relationship.

If you both agreed to a monogamous relationship then it's cheating. The relationship dynamic I operate by is to just be brutally honest with each other, how we feel, what we need, so on and so forth. For me cheating would be a lie as it would destroy the basis of our relationship which is not monogamy, but trust.

Going by what you said, the explicit understanding of your relationship was that you would both be monogamous. She cheated on you, doesn't matter if it was a woman, man, or machine, she took your trust, the premise of your relationship, and wiped her ass with it. I wouldn't take that as a strike against all bisexuals, just her. Most likely it wouldn't have mattered if the ex was a guy, she saw an opportunity to cheat and get away with it, then took it.

Trying to justify it by saying "oh, it's alright because I'm not satisfied with you and she can do things with me you never could" is actually worse, as she isn't apologizing or trying to make things right, but creating more distance between you two. I mean, first thing I would wonder is how many other times she cheated... maybe second thing, getting an STD test would be high up on that list.

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3 People

Asker

1 y
Yes, that was the first time I had been STD tested in many years.

Answer 2

Asker

Yes, that was the first time I had been STD tested in many years.

Answer 3

Nachowedgie | 7.4K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Guru

Of course it's cheating, this is exactly why I don't date bisexual girls

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2 People

Answer 4

mistixs | 2.8K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Influencer

Yes it's cheating

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1 Person

Answer 5

JackSmy

Guru

NO, not if you know the other. I dated a Bisexual woman in college, and she told me she had a girlfriend, and introduced me, and we all became good friends! NO, no 3-ways, perverts!!
She wanted different things, from both of us. OK. Sometimes she needed her girlfriend, and whatever they did, or shared.
Other times, she wanted me, and 'hetero' kind of sex.
How is it cheating, if you all know each other, and like each other, and understand what the one needs is just different, and it isn't a problem to 'share'?
Sounds like you were too judgmental, too close-minded, and didn't have good communication with your wife!
Sorry, dude, I think you could/should have played it a different way.

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1 Person

Asker

1 y
Everyone does not have the same desire or tolerance for an open relationship and this was something that she did behind my back. I had met the other woman once but she was not introduced as a romantic partner and I was never asked how I felt about this. No, I was not too judgmental. She violated my confidence and she broke the promise she made to be faithful.

I think that 99% of people in a marriage would feel the same way. Are you saying that everyone in that 99% is too judgmental?
JackSmy

1 y
I am not SAYING ANYTHING, or TELLING ANYONE what to believe!! I was simply responding with my experience, and if you read a lot of BULLSHIT into that, THAT I DIDN'T say, they you are just judging, and not reading, and hearing what I was saying!!
Don't YOU DARE ASSUME, the BULLSHIT that you asked, as I NEVER SAID ANYTING LIKE THAT!!!
Maybe you need to Grow up, read, and just not ASSUME SO MUCH!!!
Asker

1 y
That seems like a bit of an over-reaction to my response. Hope all is well with you.

Answer 6

Asker

Everyone does not have the same desire or tolerance for an open relationship and this was something that she did behind my back. I had met the other woman once but she was not introduced as a romantic partner and I was never asked how I felt about this. No, I was not too judgmental. She violated my confidence and she broke the promise she made to be faithful.

I think that 99% of people in a marriage would feel the same way. Are you saying that everyone in that 99% is too judgmental?

Answer 7

JackSmy

I am not SAYING ANYTHING, or TELLING ANYONE what to believe!! I was simply responding with my experience, and if you read a lot of BULLSHIT into that, THAT I DIDN'T say, they you are just judging, and not reading, and hearing what I was saying!!
Don't YOU DARE ASSUME, the BULLSHIT that you asked, as I NEVER SAID ANYTING LIKE THAT!!!
Maybe you need to Grow up, read, and just not ASSUME SO MUCH!!!

Answer 8

Asker

That seems like a bit of an over-reaction to my response. Hope all is well with you.

Answer 9

caring__1 | 121 opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Guru

It's interesting how people choose to legitimize their behavior, when that same behavior wouldn't be tolerated if they were on the receiving end. Cheating is breaking the rules established by those involved. An open marriage isn't cheating, as long as both parties agree to the guidelines. If a particular encounter is hidden from the other in an open marriage, and the agreement was that nothing would be hidden, that would be cheating.

The act doesn't define cheating... unilaterally altering the rules defines cheating.

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1 Person

Answer 10

Dragonpurple

Xper 7

I would not have accepted that excuse, I would have also divorced her... however like most things in my life, I always leave an option or an out.

I would have forgiven her and stayed with her, had she been willing to get this friend or another women to have a threesome. I would not actually expect that to happen but if it did, then I would forgive her and explain very clearly that if she ever cheated again... it would be over for good.

If she really felt the need to have lesbian sex, include me... trust is far more important than anything else and cheating or lying is a great way to lose that forever.

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1 Person

Answer 11

katiebaby44_

Xper 4

If this isn’t cheating, I don’t know what is.
Let’s say a guy is dating a girl with small boobs, but he also likes girls with big boobs. Just because his girl is unable to “fully satisfy his needs” doesn’t give him the right to go have sex with a large chested female. Unless, of course, it’s an open relationship and she’s okay with it. Me personally? If I’m with you and I’m not enough then sorry, but gtfo. Not interested in a 3-way.

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1 Person

Answer 12

nevernevernever

Xper 5

cheating is cheating, and your ex didn't rediscover buried lesbian desires or anything like that, she cheated on you with an old fling, simple as that. Just because someone is bisexual doesn't mean they'll cheat, it just means they can be attracted to either gender

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3 People

Asker

1 y
Yeah, I already knew what bisexual means

Answer 13

Asker

Yeah, I already knew what bisexual means

Answer 14

Elsa143

Explorer

Ofcourse that's cheating. Why are they stringing you along if they can't commit to you?
Since when did committed relationships involved more than two people?

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1 Person

Answer 15

Browneye57 | 10.2K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Master

Yeah, that's a deal breaker. Regardless of who or what gender.
Why are you so confused?

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2 People

Asker

1 y
I'm not confused at all. I frequently ask questions just to stimulate conversation. We were divorced within a few months.

Answer 16

Asker

I'm not confused at all. I frequently ask questions just to stimulate conversation. We were divorced within a few months.

Answer 17

wagsingle | 577 opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Xper 6

It's important to realize that bi people can be faithful. A straight wife could have just as easily cheated on you with an old boyfriend. Please don't let this make you biphobic.

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Asker

2 mo
Did you read the entire post?

Answer 18

Asker

Did you read the entire post?

Answer 19

KennethNoisewater | 88 opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Xper 5

By definition, it's 100% cheating. Getting intimate with someone who is not your partner and without the knowledge of your partner is 100% cheating. The way around it cheating if if it was prediscussed about having an open relationship

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1 Person

Answer 20

Kas19 | 524 opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Explorer

If you're in a committed monogamous relationship and did it behind their back, yes.

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3 People

Answer 21

Jamie05rhs | 7.1K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Master

I have no problem with bisexuals. If you had sex with girls in your past, that's fine; it doesn't bother me at all. As long as you understand that I expect monogamy in our relationship, so you have to leave those days behind you.

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1 Person

Answer 22

IveGotNoName | 1.3K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Yoda

Cheating is whatever the other person is uncomfortable with. And monogamous means monogamous. No exception.

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1 Person

Answer 23

eileen_ruth

Xper 6

Its cheating regardless

I'm a bisexual person and really only want to date bisexual people. I dont want to date a non accepting straight guy. Sick of bisexual stereptypes

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2 People

Answer 24

SirJohn42 | 612 opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Xper 6

won't date a bi sexual.
I dont think any sex out of marriage is good.
Even in a open relationship otlr swingers its open cheating.

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1 Person

Answer 25

Juxtapose | 3K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Guru

As a bisexual person women like that piss me off so much because they make my people look so fucking bad.

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2 People

Answer 26

dudeinohio | 9.1K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Master

Sorry... yes, those bi's will get you every time. I had a girlfriend that was bi and she cheated on me with another woman.

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3 People

MysteriousDarkness

1 y
@dudeinohio
Not all bisexuals cheat

Answer 27

MysteriousDarkness

@dudeinohio
Not all bisexuals cheat

Answer 28

Kenwoodman | 406 opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Xper 5

If this hsppenned withoit your content than it is cheating.

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2 People

Answer 29

nudeNhorny | 13.9K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Guru

It may be technically cheating but if I forgive them, maybe they'll be open to having threesomes :P

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1 Person

Answer 30

Anonymous

It's worse than cheating, because not only was she unfaithful to her spouse, she had sex with a person of the same sex. A double sin in the eyes of God

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2 People

If you're in an opposite sex relationship with a bisexual and they have sex with someone of their same sex, do you consider that to be cheating?

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