Sexual Relationships
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Why are women more turned on when I act cocky and blunt rather than when I am sweet and caring?

Why are women more turned on when I act cocky and blunt rather than when I am sweet and caring?
I am a nerdy black guy. I am slim with a muscular build. I do not look like a model. I am only 5ft 8 inches tall.

I have found that being blunt with women and very honest with them is a turn on. I am not just talking about being confident. I am talking about HEATED and BRAZEN confidence.

Why is this?

Why is it women respond more to "I want to be deep inside you." than they do "May I stay over?" Why is it when I whisper to a girl "I'm horny as fuck" or "I want you right now". Ladies respond to this more than being polite?

I notice this when it comes to asking for dates as well. I no longer ask a woman on a date... I repeat. I no longer ask a woman on a date. I tell women that we are going on a date.

"I like you. We should go on a date..." or "You should come grab a drink with me.." that type of thiing.
Why are women more turned on when I act cocky and blunt rather than when I am sweet and caring?
The other day a woman said she wanted to talk online more before meeting me for a date in person. She said, "I want to get to know you." I told her she was beautiful but that is what a date is for. Getting to know someone. I wasn't going to put up with a time waster online. So i told her I wished her the best. She winds up stalking me on facebook and sends me a message an hour later after finding me when I unmatched her on Tinder.

I was dating this girl recently who was unsure about dating me and I told her that I like sex. She said, "You priority on sex is pretty off putting." Now a nice guy would apologize right? I did not. I said, "It's fuckin true. I like sex. I am not going to apologize for that." What happened? She wound up dating me,

Gentleman do you have stories where you have just been blunt and bold with a woman and it worked? Ladies, what is it about a man even when he is vulgar that makes her attracted?
Passion makes a woman wet.
Vote A
Intelligence and being called out makes a woman wet.
Vote B
Daring boldness makes a woman wet.
Vote C
Not caring what others think and independence turns a woman on.
Vote D
Select gender and age to cast your vote:
Girl Guy
1 1

Superb Opinion

  • This has been true in my experience. Once I started being more upfront and it made a big difference. Before I'd go on dates with women and they'd be like "you're a nice guy but there's no spark" or they'd end up with some other guy and tell me they just wanted to be friends. I'd spend the whole time second-guessing whether or not she liked me, beating around the bush, she might have been doing the same.

    Once I did this I'd either get rejected earlier which I'd actually see as a win because they were probably not that interested in me anyway, and I'd avoid wasting my time. Or with the girls who did like me everything would go a lot smoother.

    I don't think that being upfront in itself is what causes attraction. Attraction is either there or it isn't, I don't believe that you can create it from nothing.

    As I just mentioned so much of the dating game seems to be about second-guessing the other person's intentions. That's what a lot of the questions on here are all about. It's really annoying/frustrating to most people. Trying to figure out whether the other person likes them, whether they're genuine, whether they have hidden intentions etc.

    I think that it's simply easier for them to be more upfront themselves if you're upfront and you cut the bullshit. It's probably also preferable to be with a guy who straight-forwardly says what he thinks than a guy who is either too wishy-washy or a liar.

    When it comes to sex, that's the part where most people are the most full of shit. Both men and women. This is understandable and comes from societal conditioning but is also the reason this works.

    Nice guys are full of shit because they pretend to be asexual in case women shame them for speaking about sex, or think that that's all they want. Sometimes that really is all they want, and that's why women despise them.

    Women are full of shit because they pretend not to want sex because they don't want to be judged as sluts, and they don't want a guy to have sex with them and then disappear. But 2/3 of them have had a one night stand at some point.

    When you're honest and unapologetic you cut through that bullshit, and once she realises that you're just a straight-forward dude she feels comfortable enough to stop trying to play it cool herself.

    It also shows confidence and non-neediness. The key is to be confident but not outcome dependent. It's like "this is what I'm about, this is what I want, whether you're down or not it's cool either way".

    The girl you said you wanted a date and you left her, she's not used to that. She's used to guys trying to worm their way in by saying whatever it is they think she wants to hear because they're desperate. She started trying to talk to you again once she realised that you're not.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Similar to you in terms of height and fitness on my end. Back when I was single, I got more results by being direct and not sugar coating it. I am a blunt person in general and have gotten the best results overall by just saying what needed to be said.

    What I learned from my experiences is that doing the things you see in the movies or being polite or overly polite makes you either a "nice guy" or a boring guy.

    You don't need to be cocky, but you have to be you. I know I have gotten the best results and dated some of the coolest women and some that I never thought would give me the time of day by going in with no expectations, having fun, being direct with a side of sass and smartass, because that's me. The biggest thing that has helped is if I were to land on the market again, I would feel confident because I know what works for me and I am not lying to myself with what I want as an individual, who I am and what I like in women.

    If they are in or out, it doesn't bother me. I just carry on and keep in mind my chances are high someone more amazing can come later.

    • Isn't it interesting how women say they want a sweet guy? But when I am blunt and direct about wanting them or wanting to date them. They SAY they are "offended" and then they open their legs. Isn't that hilarious? What a woman does and say is different.

Most Helpful Girls

  • It’s most definitely a dominance thing. There’s a fine line between being dominant and being cocky. “I want to be deep inside you” is you being dominant. It’s sexual and it’s a turn on. “You should grab a drink with me” would be a turn off for me. Let me decide if I want to grab a drink with you.


    To sum it up, being blunt is great for sexual things but when we’re outside the bedroom, give me my respect. I’m a woman after all and am my own human and I don’t belong to you. Also, don’t think bluntness is always a good thing, if a man was too blunt too early on that’s a turn off too. But if we’ve already passed the uncomfortable phase and I show I want to sleep with him with my actions, a bit of cocky dirty talk is what would make me not being able to control myself and just be like yasss baby take me lol. That might be just me though.

    • Thank you very much. Yeah I think the girl I am seeing started becoming distant because I became too much of my sweet and loving nice guy. But when she started being hot and cold I started to get pissed off and out came the guy I was like when I first met her... dominant. forward. blunt. "Put down your mask I want to kiss your lips" type of guy. I think she is confused because she doesn't know which guy I am. I told her last night that I am both types of guys. I can be real chill and sweet and cuddly. But am also hot headed and can get annoyed. It is not fun when your girl gets wet and horny when you are annoyed. That is not good incentive for her to treat me right.

    • No worries. Yeah being too sweet is a turn off for some women. Especially if you were more blunt in the beginning and your 24/7 sweetness is new to her. Ohh. Yeah, I’ve been there. There’s this guy I felt confused about because he has traits that were contradicting each other. Just like in your case, being chill and cuddly is the opposite of hot headed and annoyed. It’s like we don’t know which one you are and we’re falling for the part we like more but then it hits us that the other part might be dominant. At least for me, at the back of my mind I was like “you can’t be both, these are extremely different” especially if the environment doesn’t change cause I can see a man being dominant in bed but sweet otherwise. But it made me more cautious and it took me a while to warm up to him cause I was afraid I’d fall for him and will have to put up with the “bad” part. So I was fighting it until I knew what caused that change in his behaviour. And lol I thought only guys get horny when their girl is annoyed. But that’s definitely not good with serious arguments.

  • Lots of people, especially women, seem to find confidence extremely attractive. Obviously there's a point where it becomes off-putting, but this is just generally speaking. Being honest about your intentions is always good too. Better than putting on a mask just to ultimately get into some girls pants in my opinion.

    As a more timid person, I could see how you're cockiness would be intimidating at first. At the same time though, someone has to be confident enough to make the first move.
    🤷‍♀️

    • *your cockiness Sorry, I can't type apparently

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What Girls & Guys Said

7 6

  • All those things

    this doesn’t work for every guy in every situation but when it does work on you damn it’s hot

    • What is a situation where it has worked for you? like give an example.

    • When my boyfriend at the time put his hand on my thigh and goes “I want you now” and we ended up fucking all night in the car instead of going to my friend’s party

    • Awesome. Thats what happened to me. a girl kept tapping her foot on my leg at a coffee shop. then she scooted closer and it was like the middle of her thigh was inside mine. I walked out of that coffee shop with an erection and then we were having sex within minutes.

    • Show All

  • Confidence is sexy. Taking it too far into the territory of arrogance will only last so long. A confident gentleman can have my attention any day.

  • Confidence is attractive to women, It's that simple.

    @apope16 Also, would you mind DMing me? I wanna talk to you.

    • i DM'd you

  • A little dominance is always good

  • Dominance thing

    • do you have an example of how you have experienced that?

    • Confident attractive, Intelligence is a tractive. It’s kind of hard to explain it’s like the whole alpha male scenario. We want you to be caring when we time for it.

  • Yeah, I don't believe a single word of your stories.

    • That's fine. I dont care. I know they are true. I dont need validation from you or anyone else.

    • I don't care if you care or not. But one thing is crystal clear for anyone who's read a few of your posts here: You are CRAVING for validation. This is all you ever do here. You're probably the single most insecure user on GaG, and that's something. All of your posts ooze of insecurity desperately trying to hide behind fake cockiness that anyone with half a brain can see right through. Most of your posts are nothing but a desperate attempt at subtle bragging without making it too obvious. But dude, it's not subtle. It's super obvious. You're such a "lady's man"! Your cockiness makes women wet so easily! Dude. You sound like a 12 year old who lies to his friends about all the chicks he's banged to seem cool. That's how cringy you are. The level of second hand embarrassment you cause is painful. You're a bullshitter. Men who are actually sucessful with women, are genuinely humble about. Just like actual geniuses don't constantly go out of their way to proclaim what geniuses they are. If you were posting one post after another about what a genius you are, everyone would know you're NOT a genius. It's literally the same thing with your claims of what an effect you supposedly have on women. It's fine, keep bullshitting us about that. But you're here for nothing but validation. Because you have a tiny ego. A teeeeeny tiny ego. So don't bullshit me about that. Because that's a much bigger lie than the ones about your dating life. I'm giving you a time out for your dishonesty.

  • https://www.youtube.com/embed/gMl0Ze22rDA

    this woman explains it well. Women tend to just have this instinctual attraction to guys that are just brutally honest and won’t take shit from anyone including them.

  • I love a good prick gives me a challenge

  • Women like confident men. If you take your arrogance too far then eventually she will get tired of you.

  • Most women are subs and subs want a looot of dominant aggression thrown their way.

    • Best answer. Women which like sweet guys are usually the dominant ones, trying to pursue balance in that attraction.

    • I looove the dominant ones the most.. god they make my toes curl & my heart melt ahaha. Subs are fun too, especially if they are very perverted.

  • Neither, it's hybristophilia.

  • lol guys are deluded. women find cocky and arrogant men attractive because they treat everyone around them like shit and don't have friends, which makes them feel special. They are interesting in these men in the hopes of changing them or turning them into better people. Most realize that they've taken the bait pretty quickly unless they have no advice or support in their lives. Too bad these types of guys are so good at preying on insecure women.

    • Im a confusing dude. Over text message I am cocky and blunt. I can get blunt when I am angry too. But privately and on dates i am sweet and romantic. I am like a gorilla pounding my chest and then when you are with me I am a big teddy bear that you cuddle.

  • For me it is the honesty. I guess when you try to be sweet and caring it does not work for you since it is not genuine and many can see through this. You just want sex and then it is better to be upfront about it and not waste anyone's time pretending something else.

    • Yeah with this girl i have been seeing who is unsure. she keeps saying that she is offended by the shit that i say and then she accepts going on dates with me. we've dated three months. but it is like.. hmm.. lemme give you an example. I told her the reasons why I broke up with her. I was blunt and talked about how her behaviors made me think she was seeing another guy. She just said, "Lame. You are really making yourself look bad by being honest about this." I told her, "I dont give a fuck if it makes me look bad. I am not going to lie to you just to get you to date me again." Then she took me on a date. Then like recently. I told her i was 34 years old and only interested in "sex or legitimate romantic dating". She said, "You and your sex prerogative is pretty off-putting." haha. So I told her, "It sounds like you have low dating interest. Let's not hang out. Im not here to waste my time. I want to be marriend and have kids and shit in like 2 and 3 years." So what happened? She says, "I am interested in seeing you Friday." Bingo. Date on.

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