Is my ex a bastard?

[Anonymous]

My ex and I had a mostly physical relationship. We had a really good sex life and it was fun with different positions , kinks etc. We used photos of each other on Facebook, Whatsapp, sending photos to friends and family, going on hiking, nature trips.

But we lacked emotional depth in our relationship even though we had loads of sex, had similar views and multiple mutual friends.

He, however spent almost 2 years sleeping with me but when we broke up, the woman he went back to was his former flame, crush whatever you call it. She was his "first love at first sight" , "the one that got away" etc etc whom he desperately wanted to date and start a relationship with.

Obviously she took her time to take him back as he had ruined their budding relationship but I guess he literally begged her and they are together now. Turns out, our mutual friend said the way my ex looks at her is something he never saw him do to me. He also said she's really caring towards him so now he's even more enamored but he kept saying how much he always liked her.

I know that when he met saw her again after our break up, he purposely walked past her so that she would notice him and speak to him. Which she did. His friend told me he always did this with her, like walk around her or just intentionally walk past her, staring so that she would notice and hit him up for a chat.

I dont understand. He was happily LIVING with me, MOVED with me TO MY CITY/COUNTRY, STUDIED WITH ME AT THE SAME UNI until we met each others families and added them on our social media's, we had numerous same friends and a great sex life YET he went back to a girl he barely knew and whom he never had sex with nor was in touch with?

How's that possible?

[Mark83]

You say you lacked emotional depth. That's probably something he's been missing the whole time. I don't mean to offend you but your view of that relationship sounds very superficial to me, so maybe he was looking for a deeper connection. A good sex life may have been enough for you but to him other things may be more important. So he ended the relationship to be with someone he thinks he will be happier with. It's sad but there's nothing wrong with it. These things happen all the time.

[Asker]

used photos of each other on Facebook, Whatsapp, sending photos to friends and family, going on hiking, nature trips. happily LIVING with me, MOVED with me TO MY CITY/COUNTRY, STUDIED WITH ME AT THE SAME UNI until we met each others families and added them on our social media's, we had numerous same friends and you think these are superficial?

[Mark83]

Yes, that's all basic stuff every couple does. None of this implies a special connection between the two of you. I guess he was still hoping to find that connection with you and went along until he eventually decided to give up.

[Mark83]

I'm really sorry.

[Asker]

What about putting pics as phone or laptop wallpaper? Adding parents on Facebook?

[Mark83]

Totally normal, every couple I know does this.

[Asker]

And you think this isn't special connection?

[Mark83]

No, I don't think so. These things are saying that you are officially in a relationship, regardless of how happy you are with each other. It's hard to describe and it's probably different for everyone, but there is this feeling of deep affection when you just know that you want to spend the rest of your life with that person. If that's missing then things likely won't work out even if everything else is going well.

[Asker]

If we didn't have deep affection why move to my country and start living with me?

[Mark83]

Because maybe he was still hoping to find it. Sometimes it takes time for these feelings to develop and he thought that it would eventually happen.

[Mark83]

Or he was afraid of being alone. Probably something in between those two things.

[Asker]

Why would he hope to find it? We were already together for 1.5 years that time?

[Mark83]

Maybe it went the other way - he had it at first and then lost it because there was nothing for him in the relationship that kept it alive. Maintaining a relationship requires a lot of effort and communication. Maybe that was lacking?

[MikeTheBartender]

Iron Rule of Tomassi #7 applies, switch the genders for you:It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was.

[djfhsjk]

I'm sure he cares about you and it doesn't sound like he's done anything that bad. You guys just didn't work out.

[chukio]

Omg sounds like he was in a trance caused by the woman aka meduca. But if you want I am still single like the last pringle.

[Brownbored]

So u see now.. sex doesn't make relationships. Its just a natural part of it.. not in the leaat even 5 percent of it

[Asker]

How was our relationship just sex?

[Brownbored]

If u dont take offense.. then dare i say.. it was the first thing u started with.. reference to it 2 to 3 times in ur post.. so seems like. In your mind you are giving it too much credit

[Asker]

used photos of each other on Facebook, Whatsapp, sending photos to friends and family, going on hiking, nature trips.

[Asker]

He was happily LIVING with me, MOVED with me TO MY CITY/COUNTRY, STUDIED WITH ME AT THE SAME UNI until we met each others families and added them on our social media's, we had numerous same friends and a great sex life YET he went back to a girl he barely knew and whom he never had sex with nor was in touch with?

[Asker]

had similar views and multiple mutual friends.

[Brownbored]

I read all of that... But u know guys... Sex really doesn't gaurantee loyalty.. smth else does.. its hard to explain.. someone just clicks in your mind u know

[Asker]

But he was moving in and living with me?

[Brownbored]

He didn't have a better choice at the time maybe?

[Asker]

Why choose to be with me thigh? He could easily leave?

[Brownbored]

He did easily leave didn't he

[Asker]

First tell me about her

[Brownbored]

U wana pm? I feel this is going to be a long topic :)

[Anonymous]

My guess is, you and him were together while both in your 20s

[Asker]

Yes that's right. How do you know?

[Opinion Owner]

Just a guess, because it seems people date or have relationships in their 20s more so than any other decade in life

[Anonymous]

Only your ex knows why he loves that other woman so much.
You guys legitimately broke up so he's not really a bastard, he didn't cheat or anything.

[Asker]

And how does he love her so much when he was literally into me?

[Opinion Owner]

You said it yourself, that your relationship lacked emotional depth. Maybe he also has a stronger physical attraction towards her because she fits his fantasy he has in his mind. It kinda sounds like maybe he didn't take you seriously. I'm sorry. I'm separated, so trust me I know how it feels to invest everything into a person only to find out that they don't care.

[Asker]

She was his "first love at first sight" , "the one that got away" etc etc whom he desperately wanted to date and start a relationship with.

[Asker]

We were friends and he met me and despite me wearing revealing clothing , he was not attracted at first. Only 2 years later after he failed with her then I kinda seduced him and he was attracted

[Opinion Owner]

Yes, it sounds like he may have put her up on a pedestal and built her up in his mind to be special. Nobody's perfect and there's good odds that he will eventually have a fight with her and end up texting you again. The question is whether or not you want him after all this.

[Asker]

He won't because she as everyone says does not fight with him and they have arguments, she will always cheer him up when he's sulky. My friend said she can sense he's upset and then will coddle him like he's a kid. Idiot shut

[Asker]

She's a slut

[Opinion Owner]

I kind of think your best move is to meet somebody new. That's what I had to do and it's a lot healthier than trying to figure out your ex and what he wants. I understand that you want him right? I wanted my ex too, but sometimes it's fucked and you just gotta move on.

[Asker]

First you tell me that she's a slut and he doesn't even like her? If he did why move on to me?

[Opinion Owner]

Are you drunk? I never said she's a slut or that he doesn't like her. I think he in love with her. I think he possibly sees you as his 2nd choice. If he has problems with her, he may try to hit you up again as a backup plan. That's why I say to just move on.

[Opinion Owner]

Or maybe she's the backup plan, I don't even know why you guys broke up.

[Asker]

When he fell out with that girl for the first time, he started hanging out with me when he moved to my country

[Opinion Owner]

There's too many details I don't know about your relationship. It sucks that you guys broke up and he went back to her, but maybe he's hot and he has lots of options? Hot people are difficult ones in relationships. They cheat, they move on quickly, they always have options.