Not cheating but a weird situation?

So long story short. My wife and I are really open with each other so we talk about everything. We're both dancers so we've both had people that we've been attracted to and told each other about it but we never cheated on each other.
Well this year because of everything I had to go work in a foreign country together with a good friend of ours. Now my wife knows her and they're good friends and she also knows that I've been attracted to her and that we would be working together for a year and a half, which is how long not seeing my wife. Anyway my wife said that she understands that it's going to be a long time and if I felt alone and need someone to hold close that she wouldn't have anything against it if this was our friend as long as we didn't have sex and didn't date or kiss.
Anyway somehow my friend and I fooled around a lot but didn't have sex. Just physically fooling around and no kissing. Well I told my wife about it and she said that she understood and that while she missed me she's not angry or anything. Well of curse we didn't want to but we fooled around again and in the heat of passion we had a short intercourse and it was just once. Literally I was inside her the whole time but it felt good so while we held each other and somehow I ejaculated inside her more than once because I was so turned on.
Of course we felt really, really bad so we both talked to my wife about it and told her exactly what happened and my wife said that she understood and everything is ok.
Now it's been weird with our friend because we know that we liked it and we really want to do it more but are holding back even though it's even harder.
Of course we talked about this with my wife and she even told me that she understood if I wanted to do more but I really don't want to hurt her. Whatever between me and our friend is only a physical attraction and nothing more.
Should I ask my wife if I can keep having relations with our friend or just get over everything?
Updates:
+1 y
Well I've been talking with my wife and she asked me if I enjoyed having sex with our friend and I truthfully told her that I really did, but not as much and in differently than with her. She said if I feel that I won't fall in love with her, I can do what I'd like and I have her blessing.
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Superb Opinion

  • Are u really asking this knowing you couldn't control yourself the first time like what do u think would be differnt this time

    • Well she understands what happened I just really don't want to go ahead if she's not OK with it. She joked that next time she wanted to watch and that if she was there that it would fun for all of us. We're not swingers or anything we're just hones and both understand that sometimes things change and to keep a relationship going sometimes you've got to do something to spice stuff up. I wish she was with me and everything would be fine. It would be the exact same situation as now I'd still be able to sleep with our friend, the only difference would would be my wife would be having fun with us too. A couple of years ago it was a similar situation. I was attracted to one of her friends and once she asked her to have some fun with us and we had an awesome time. It's kind of weird because I can never ejaculate in my wife because we don't want kids and she can't use birth control and on the other hand it was really nice because I would with her friend and with our friend. My wife said that it's great because she knows how important it is to me to feel that. And there's a similar situation with her where I have to out a lot of effort to do something for her which she says she knows I do only for her. So it's weird but we try to be really open about everything. I just wish she could be having fun with me in other words as weird as it might sound I miss her having sex with me or should I say us.

    • I get that but the issue still stands that u don't eat to take the piss or advantage off her from whats happened already u and the friend can't control the situation so is it really smart to continue?

    • I don't know if it's smart to continue or what will happen. What I would want is have a great time for the next couple of months that I'm stuck here. Virtually the only person I can have any kind of longer interaction our friend because we can't actually have any contact with other people since we're in a bubble or something and I can't see my wife for the same reason because I need to stay in this stupid bubble for the duration of the contract. I can't even stay in a different room. So it's either suffering where we both go against our feelings of attraction or keep having sex and enjoying our company until we get to go home in a year. My wife will probably understand and will be able to get over it since I have every intention of going back to her the moment I can. I just don't want to keep fighting my urge. Because this is really hard I will need to keep seeing my friend even naked for the duration and sleep with her in the same bed. Of course I'll do everything I can not to sleep with her if my wife didn't want me to do so. But it's going to be really crazy. My wife of course also has a problem. She's in the same situation I'm in the only difference is that if she had the need to have some confort she actually could. I sort of talked to her and she kind of said that if I felt the need to keep sleeping with our friend that it would be ok with her. That she's just afraid that I'd fall in love with our friend and forget about her. Which I really have no intention of doing nor do I want to. All I want to do is have some fun with someone who also has fun with me and then simply go back to my normal life with my wife.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Maybe she's being so understanding because she's also having sex

    • As I've said if she was, she would have told me so and I would have been understanding as well because it's a tough situation. I'm not saying that I wouldn't feel bad in a way but I would understand. At the same time even if she is I wouldn't actually hold it against her since she would only do it to spare my feelings which would be hurt in a way but I wouldn't prevent her because I believe that a person has the right to do whatever they wish and I've never prevented anyone from anything. Even if it was sleeping with somebody else because I love her either way and I enjoy her company and love working with her and doing virtually everything. At the same time I understand that we feel attraction to different people and that doesn't mean we don't love someone because we're attracted to someone else.

    • Honesty is always best, @anon. That I agree with 100%. I hate lies.

Most Helpful Girl

  • She is being really understanding. Please don’t take advantage of that. Leave the friend alone.

    • Yes that's why we talk about all these things. I can assure you I would never take advantage and she would not either and we talked a long time ago and decided that we would be completely honest about everything. So I also know about all the guys that she has had crushes on or felt an attraction to. I even know some of them and never for once resented her about anything because I really do love her but I also understand that long term relationships go through different periods where things might not be the same as in the beginning and at the same time I don't want to lie and tell here that I never felt any attraction to anyone else. Of course the same goes from her end I also understand her attraction to guys but because she's hones with me we can talk about these things and we both know we love each other regardless of maybe sometimes feeling attraction towards other people. Of course I understand that I would not feel great if the situation was reversed but at the same time this is the first relationship I've ever been in where I have never been jealous of anything. Even though she might have been sleeping in the same bed with her crush while on a work related trip. We even talked once and said that if ever something should happen like this that we would tell each other and talk about it completely honestly even though it might be tough because it's better that we tell each other everything than hold stuff back and lie and complicate things. We have even went so far sometimes that she had encouraged me to flirt with a crush of mine so that I could see how that feels and then she role played when we were together and the other way around. We really try not to judge since we're being hones with each other.

    • I’m glad you can be completely honest with her. Just don’t let your physical attractions take it too far. :)

    • Definitely. I mean we've talked and she has even been joking that if she was there she would have joined us and there would not even be a problem and told our friend that she's got me now and not to worry that when we get back she can ne with us not to be lonely. She even joked with her over a video chat that if we're planing to have sex she wants to watch and join the fun. I know she was joking around but I also know that she means what she says. I honestly didn't expect that I would be sleeping naked in the same bed with someone I was attracted to and even fooling around that eventually went too far. Don't get me wrong the first time I felt lonely she asked me if I though that I was still attracted to our friend and if I thought that she might need some comforting too. When I told her that her that we had comforted each other during the night my wife said that it was fine and that she was happy that I felt better. She said that it was all good so our friend and I continued. It just went a little too far at one point. Like I said we're honest and maybe a little weird. We've never cheated but there has been situations where we've had fun with someone else in our bed and there has never been any problems. It's just weird because we're so far and can't be together.

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