Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health My brother is 8 years older than me. He did abuse me when he wasn't in juvenile detention. He would beat the shit out of me, call me names, trip me as I'm walking, hold me down and spit in my face, shot me with his pellet gun, and he murdered my hampster by putting him in a plastic bag and stabbing him with a kitchen knife, A lot of the times I kept quiet about it so I can be "cool" with my big brother since I was too young to understand anything, but I looked back on it when I grew older and even now, some of the things he did has been fucking with me.
I remember when I was about 5, he once talked me into only wearing my underwear and doing weird poses for him to take pictures of on his flip phone (it was in the early 2000s).
He got me to play a game with him where he took a Nerf dart, put needles through it, and we would pull our pants down, bend over to shoot each other in the ass. I tend to wonder if he did that all just to look at my ass.
He liked to wrestle with me. He was a big wrestling fan and wanted to m]be a cop. Some of the things he did when wrestling was weird. It wasn't outright rape (as I remember) but you get the idea.
I've been hesitant about talking about this because I was so young (4-8) and I didn't understand what was going on and thought I was being cool with my brother and what we did was normal. Also, being so young at the time I sometimes think that my memory is off, but that can go both ways. I also didn't want to seem like I was throwing my hat into the #metoo ring trying to get a point on my victim badge. I'm afraid of speaking about my experience because I don't want my brother's reputation to be ruined by something he did as a kid and I'm afraid of being accused of lying by other family members because maybe my memory isn't that good on the situation.
Was I molested by my brother?
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