Boys, would you sub for your partner?

So I'm a switch but predominantly a sub.
I start talking to guys and they're all happy talking about me bottoming or subbing, then I mention I'm a switch and they get wary and start acting like I'm just a brat, if I start talking about domming they will try and redirect the conversation or just stop talking to me. A direct example, I was sexting this guy and he asked for a fantasy so I said pegging a guy until he was overstimmed and crying (a direct parallel to a submissive fantasy he had been really into) and then he straight up ghosted me.
I just want to know if there are guys out there who actually would be into that or if I'm just barking up the wrong tree.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Here's the thing: the average person isn't really familiar with BDSM culture (that's probably not the right word, but you get what I'm saying). Heck, I don't know much about it; mostly just enough to know I don't know much. You ask the average guy about a sexually dominant woman, and he pictures a leather-clad dominatrix stomping on his balls while she screams about pathetic he is. That's not something that appeals to most guys. Now, no one would question that that's dominant, but it's also, let's say, jackassical (it's real word now), and that's where the break comes in.

    I had a girlfriend once who was, in retrospect, very sexually dominant- I say "in retrospect" because it didn't feel that way at the time; she was much gentler and MUCH more loving. She simply took charge. More "assertive" than "aggressive", if you will. It's something I think a lot of guys would find more appealing, but they're held back by the vagaries of language and cultural ideals of what a man should do and be.

    I don't know what the day-to-day realities of a dom (me)/sub relationship are actually like; I suspect that what I went through (generally normality with some degree of freakiness in the bedroom) is more common than the constantly naked "yes, master/mistress" deal you see in porn, but I think a lot of people- especially guys, who are both biologically and socially less likely to be submissive- are kind of freaked out by the idea of losing control (which I think is kind of the point). There are people out there who'll try anything once, but something that requires a strong dose of trust is something that it's going to be easy to spook someone off with.

    • Oh yeah I completely get what you're saying, I suppose at times my interests get ahead of me and I forget that it's still quite the taboo subject. I guess given that I don't watch much traditional "porn" per say, I don't see a lot of what is portrayed and associated in that area, so I don't know if the way I speak could have different connotations but it's given me something to think about definitely. And that fifty shades of gray or whatever bs I know has given people expectations about what a normal sub/dom relationship should be, whereas like you said it's more normal relationship with freakiness in the bedroom (unless it's a hardset sub/dom only all the time relationship which no) I think your girlfriend was more of a soft dom which is also what I consider myself, but the word dominant has probably been negatively associated for a lot of people, not just guys. But anyway thank you for your comment

  • well to be honest if I were one of these people I wouldn't ghost you or just straight up block you or something
    I would simply tell you that I'm not into that as I'm very dominant and just the idea of a sub guy fills me with furious { doesn't mean I hate sub guys or have anything against them it just means I don't stand the idea }.
    some guys actually enjoy the act of being a sub or being taken control of but most of them won't admit it and just don't want to feel exposed but some don't and might find it weird when a girl tells them so or it shakes their manhood of some sort or in their mental image and refuse to tell the truth, the same happens with women as well as every woman, no matter how dominant she is, has a sub inside of her and tendency to be taken care of or to be taken control of but I digress
    but it's fine some guys are into that and some are not, it's good to know what you're looking for it's not that easy and not that hard to find
    best of luck
    but to answer your question it's no I wouldn't sub for my partner.
    have a good day

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What Guys Said

(40)
  • Absolutely not.

  • I'm perhaps too efficient-minded to think of the dom/sub thing as anything but foreplay: If a girl is too wiggly I prefer to simply use my hands to hold her still while I fuck her, plus spankings if she clenches. Restraints and paddles aren't required. I can get into the elaborate things if necissary to her, but it doesn't do anything for me. So, if a girl can convince me that her using a strap on for pegging me would arouse her, I suppose I don't see a problem with it.

  • im a dom but do like to switch sometimes... not so mch with the spanking and stuff but more involving humiliation due to my chronic masturbation habbit and porn addiction

    • That just tapped into something, my dumb ass has never thought about flipping the humiliation but god that sounds hot

    • yeah i love it having a sub girl suddenly turn on me and belittle me as a pervert etc

  • Nope im not into being pegged fuck that shit

  • Switching it up keeps the relationship fresh and exciting. I'm okay with a partner that likes to be both submissive and dominant. Some guys may not be so it may take time to find the right guy.

  • I am dominant. Can probably be submissive if a woman wants me to be, but I'm not into pegging.
    If a woman is submissive, it doesn't mean she's okay with anything a man does. Same thing.

    • Very true, I just used that example because I got completely ghosted. I mean everyone has preferences I had just never managed to find a guy who was okay with being submissive

    • Well yes. If a woman wants to be dominant, I can be submissive, to a point. If I'm not comfortable with some, I just let her know. Simple as that.

    • Exactly, I mean it's just like anything else, you set up your boundaries and communicate with your partner

    • Show All
  • I switch. But I've found that switching with the same person doesn't seem to work out for me.

  • No, I would not. Not my cup of tea.

  • some are fine with it. i am not. i am a pure dom and as such can not sub. this is an example of why open relationships and non monogamy are sometimes the right thing. in such a case i would have you serk someone else for your dom side yo be satisfied with.

  • I'm a switch but I will never let a girl peg me. Just my personal thing. I don't speak for the others.

    • Fair enough, we all have our boundries

    • *boundaries

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