Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Why did he remove the condom the first time we had sex?

So last week I met a guy from tinder that I have been talking to for about a week. We went out for drinks to a bar which happened to be near his house, but I guess he was not planning to tell me that in advance. Then he suggested going to a second bar and I was a bit tipsy already and we just ended up in his house. Then he offered to make me a cocktail and after that he even offered me a massage. Everything happened so fast that I cannot even remember having the time to consider his questions or answer properly other than just smile or laugh awkwardly. After the message he started touching me and took me upstairs to his bedroom. 10 min into the sex he decided to remove the condom without even telling me or asking me and he just continued fucking me. After the first sex, we cuddled in his bed together, I was drunk at that point, then we had sex another 2 times and he didn't use a condom at all. I did not want to say anything because I Thought I would ruin the moment and I am on birth control pill anyway , but he did not ask my anything about that. Why would a guy do that? Did he think that I am just a really submissive girl that would let him do what he wants and he didn't think I would make a big deal out of this? Or did he just think that I am really attractive to him and appear clean so he does not need to worry about condoms? Or is he just a disrespectful asshole that only cares for his needs? The sex was quite good all 3 times he gave me oral sex and I was surprised he went down on me when he just met the the same night. Does he consider me quite attractive then or?
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Superb Opinion

  • It was selfish of him. He should have had your permission to do that. Guys on Tinder are looking for hookups and they often don’t use condoms. They figure they may never see you again so why not get the most pleasure out of it they can? You were drunk so he took advantage of that. The only part of this story that confused me was that he performed oral on you. So he did want you to enjoy it too on some level and it wasn’t 100% about him. He likely does find you attractive but took advantage of you, so I’d probably not go back to him.

    • Well I guess he found me attractive but there’s just no excuse for his actions. He planned everything that night and did whatever was just best for him. Okay yeah he did give me oral sex but that’s probably to make sure I will accept this again and meet again. I cannot believe he was annoyed that I made him pull out and he never asked me about my birth control pill situation or if I take any at all. This guy is just a predator and I guess a lot of guys from tinder are like that but that doesn’t make it right and shouldn’t happen

    • The least he could do was pull out. Sounds like a jerk.

    • Yeah he’s an asshole !

Most Helpful Guys

  • Apparently, you ARE just a really submissive girl who DID let him do anything he wants !!!

    Just because you're on birth control doesn't mean he can't, or shouldn't, wear a condom. It's added protection against STD's, and since you don't really know shit about him, only know him for a week and just met him on Tinder, you put yourself at greater risk by allowing it. He could be a total fuck boy for all know, and you're just another drunk fuck.

    You said nothing about the after sex part. Did you have a conversation about it then? How did he treat you after the sex?

    • After the sex well we did 3-4 times he said he needs to wake up early for work and ordered my an Uber to get home... I felt used like a cheap slut... this guy is one fucking user

    • Obviously, but darlin' ... you allowed it to happen.

  • Best you get your self booked in to have a full STI/STD health check.

    you may have dodge a bullet, if not welcome to HIV, Hep, etc.

    also unless you said you were on birth control, report his ass to the police.

    will stop him abusing another girl.

    • And I do wish people would stop misusing the word submissive. Just because a girl is submissive does not mean she is not confident and strong, bloody tv has a lot to answer for.

    • Thank you so much for your support! I already did the the swab for all stds except the blood tests and they all came back negative. He is a really clean guy and he is a director in a big bank, I highly doubt he has HIV or any other diseases. Why do you think I should report to him to the police? He did not try to rape me? Does that mean that the guy does not respect the woman at all when he decides to do such thing or does he just find me clean and attractive?

    • Does not matter what his job is, in fact a lot of London city types move around in some very dodgy circles

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Most Helpful Girl

  • So many flags and signals are flashing.
    He's a predator. What he did was incredible wrong and I would say close to raping. But really, really wrong.

    NEVER be afraid to say no or to "cause a scene". What he did was wrong.
    Men like that are the worst and maybe even dangerous.

    He could have given an STI also, he didn't know ou were on the pill. ALWAYS ASK FOR CONSENT.

    • I already got tested for some STD's and they all came back negative. I highly doubt he has HIV or trying to infect me. Most likely I would believe maybe he was trying to get me pregnant. I just had this feeling... But yeah so many red flags already I will not be seeing him again he's a psychopath. I never had such situation before and if a guy decides to remove the condom at least he would ask me about it and ask about my birth control situation...

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What Girls & Guys Said

6 25

  • Ugh, this happens way too often. I notice more and more guys just assume they can fuck girls without a condom and as long as they don't stop them it's all good. Especially with hookups. In case you didn't notice, he doesn't really care what happens to you because he doesn't really have that much respect for you. I'm sorry to say it, but that's just how it works. Happened to me way too often to sugarcoat it.

    • Yeah just because you started noticing things Doesn’t make it normal or part of every day life. Just because you started noticing such behaviour doesn’t mean it should continue and women should not be put in such situation and degraded in such terrible way. I think you need a reality check you are being stupid

  • He seems like an absolute asshole. Not only did he get you drunk but he also doesn't seem to care about consent at all. If you had a good time, great, but this guy gives me the creeps. I'd suggest getting tested for std's.

    • Yes this guy is a psycho he even got annoyed when I told him to pull out each time

  • That’s stealthing and it’s wrong. And actually a form of sexual abuse

    • Agreed!

  • Raw is always better than wearing a condom. Being drunk wants us guys to try more stuff. I'm not saying that what he did was right, he should have asked first. Pretty stupid to do that without telling you, let alone without him knowing you had a birth control pill. Did he cum inside? If he did, I would say to report him for sexual abuse. If he didn't, just let him be, but never talk to him again.

    • I told him to pull out every single time and I could see he was annoyed he was definitely planning on finishing inside. This is abuse! He never asked me about birth control or if it’s okay to come inside. Disrespectful

    • Yeah, that's straight up sexual abuse. Trying to get you pregnant without you wanting. Tbh, I think that's rape.

    • But I don’t have any bruises or he wasn’t violent to me how can i press charges or claim that he raped me. He just got me drunk but I wasn’t unconscious...

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  • Firstly im so sorry this happened to you. This is not okay. It doesn't seem like you consented at all. If I was you id never speak to him again and also report him.

    • Report him? For what? Not using a condom? It's not a crime...

    • Actually removing a condom without permission is sexual assault/rape and sometimes can be seen as reproductive coercion. It's called stealthing and it's punishable as sexual violence in some countries.

    • Either way. She was drunk and could not consent.

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  • He got you really drunk then just took complete advantage of you. It's a rule that if a girl has had too much to drink she is off bounds. He also could've given you an STD and now you need to get yourself checked. He made you feel you can trust him and then just did whatever when you are enjoying it. I'd honestly report this to the police. Consent was lost as you're too drunk to make informed decisions.

    • Also report him on tinder

    • Absolutely I agree I already reported him on tinder! I hope he gets his karma! For a guy who is 33 years old there’s no excuse and no wonder he told me he liked dating younger girls in their 20s.

    • Think carefully with your parents as they can help you make an informed decision and how best to state your report to the police. You want to raise awareness to them that he's abusing girls like that.

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  • Well, I have fucked a girl on a first date without a condom, but did not START out with one on and then taking it off. Not a good thing for you, since you may be exposed to an STD. I would say disrespectful to you, but you need to be more careful in the future if you lucked out this time.

    Just saying...

    • Why did you do the same thing to that girl then? Did you even ask for a permission did you even let her know or ask her about birth control?

    • @bricealan. Dude, whores gonna whore.

    • Any time without a condom, I would never ejaculate in her, and most of the times with other woman, it was understood that they were on birth control (married women) Putting a condom on, and then for some reason, during the thrusting, taking it off, is quite different than not having one on to begin with. (in my view anyway, and you may not agree)

  • Honestly he sounds like a predator, and gets off on the idea of getting someone pregnant, or passing his STDs onto.

    • Absolutely ! I honestly thought he wanted to finish inside as he looked annoyed when I asked him to pull out. I never came across someone that messed up. God knows what would happen if I was to date this person

  • some guys don't like the condom, i don't as well
    (i didn't read all the text)

    • But wouldn’t you want to wear a condom if you just met a woman on the same day and couple of hours later she’s in your bed. I mean you don’t even know the woman, you must wear protection

    • Yep, exactly. Always wear a condom, especially if you don't know her. I know how it can be annoying and feel bad, but it's for your and her protection.

    • I know what you say, you talk about STD and the way why think is a better and a safe way to enjoi live. But are people like me and other guys who we don't like the senzation. For me i whasn't never able to cum whit a condom on, i never cum whot one on. I don't like whou it stay on my D because i'm uncircumcised and don't stay smood like in porn. I safe way for this kinde of situation of meeting and in a couple of hours get sex i simply ask that person for the phone number, remember her place (because i don't bring them to my place[never]), take a facebook. I just make in such a way to be able to contact that person again to ask about STD. Olso i ask them before like "we use condom?" , "Are you ok/safe?". I have all the time some condoms whit me just in case i need or the girl will insist on it. But i really hate to whare condoms, olso i hate to stop from the foreplay and get the condom, open de condom, put the condom, adjust the condom... So i prefer pleasure then life.

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  • He considers you a servant to his pleasure. That may dound sexy but the reality he is letting a little bit extra sensation over the very real possibility that you could be a single mother spending all of your time and money raising a child from a father you will likely never hear from again so he could increase his pleasure, not yours, for a minute

    • Oh there’s no doubt that he will be nowhere to be found if I was to contact Him to tell him I was pregnant or got an std lol... men like that are Jusr predators ! He’s 34 years old grown up ass man and he didn’t even drink much that night he’s perfectly aware of his actions and consequence s

  • 1). You were stupid to make your self so vulnerable.
    2). You should report hi m for abuse.

    • Stupid? Was it my choice to remove the condom during sex? He only put it on the first time to trick me and then he chose to remove it and he did so fast that I had no chance to react. I told him to pull out every single time and I could see he was annoyed

    • You were drunk, on your own, vulnerable... That was your fault. BUT he has still been an ass and you could report him.

    • I am definitely planning on reporting him but I don’t really know if I want to see his face ever again in my life

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  • He's an asshole. Get tested 3 months from now as you could have potentially caught something nasty from him.
    The attractive part is completely irrelevant here as he clearly doesn't respect you enough to ask for your consent.

    • I absolutely agree! won't be seeing him again

  • he wanna feel ur pussy directly by his dick and enjoy more... he too was drunk and while drunk, its like fucking more and more and enjoy rather than thinking of consequences... fucking in first date after making u drink isn't good but rrst depend on u if u like him or not

    • Erm no actually he wasn’t drunk at all he didn’t really drink that night and he’s like 6 years older than me so there’s no excuse and he’s a grown up ass man he knows very well what he is doing... he’s just a psycho

    • yeahhh... he wanna feel ur skin and wet pussy and wanna bang u as he like.. now u have to decide u wanna still get banged by him or not

    • Erm no I am good thanks I have no time for psychopaths. I would rather masturbate than meet this guy again

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  • I am not one to yell sexual abuse, but this is one if you have seen one.

    • Yes I am pretty much aware of it if I didn’t ask him to pull out he wasn’t going to and I could see he was annoyed when I told him to

    • I'd say that you avoid that guy. This was a shit move from him - period. And if he does this without consideration, you might be in for a bigger disappointment.

    • He’s gonna continue taking advantage of me and using me. There’s no way in hell he’s planning to settle down with me because you don’t treat a potential partner with such disrespect

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  • you enjoyed every second of it. He played it well.

    • I enjoyed the sex but I don’t enjoy being taken advantage of

    • yeah ok. the usual female shit test. The moment a man shows respect and doesn't take advantage of you, you get bored, you think he's a pussy, you call him gay, not a real man and eventually friend zone him and move on to the next asshole. The truth is women love to be abused and they are too stupid to either recognise it or admit it. Any man who doesn't realise it never gets sex unless it's about locking him down with marriage and kids. Dealing with women is passing one shit test after another.

    • @theflak38 i can't help but take your opinion into consideration here. It's true. and any guy who respects a girl is seen as the 'nice' guy who finishes last.

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  • Sex with a condom just doesn't feel the same. It loses its intensity. He should not have taken off the condom without asking you first. He took advantage of you being drunk and used your body for his needs. Apparently he didn't care if you got pregnant or not since you didn't tell him that you were on birth control. Personally, I think he is a disrespectful asshole that got you drunk and used you.

    • I absolutely agree with everything above! In case of pregnancy I know he would be the type to disappear... he just used me to satisfy his needs and insert dominance. This is not a man who desires a family or wants a kid because you wouldn’t even start it off this way and disrespecting the woman from day 1

    • I would try to avoid guys like him in the future. I would also limit your alcohol intake when you want to have sex so you know what is going on and you have the ability to say no, and push the guy away if needed.

  • Go to this website and tell the lawyers there about this an see what they say https://www.avvo.com

    it’s a site where you can ask lawyers questions about if you might have grounds to prosecute him or not. It’s totally anonymous too so you don’t have to worry about being discovered

    • Thank you so much but I am based in United Kingdom and I am not sure if it’s gonna even work here

    • Oh uk? I think you have an even better case than. I looked it up and your country does have a law against this currently. www.vice.com/.../what-is-stealthing-condom-sexual-assault

      So yeah report him.

    • Thank you again I will look into it !

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  • Asshole who only cares about his needs.

    • I agree! Only a jerk would do such thing

    • I'm selfish. Like with the 5ft ovulating hottie I picked up at the bar who asked me not to cum inside of her. I'm 7inches and cum heavily and I unloaded with the tip at her cervix (I bottomed out) I'm attractive so women allow me to do things they shouldn't. She left leaking a combination of our fluids and my bed is still wet.

    • @justaguy173 That is outstanding!

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  • Most guys don't like using condoms. If you had an bbn issue with it, you should have said something. Since you didn't, he do anything wrong, although he should have gotten your approval first.

    • Erm he didn’t even ask he didn’t even say anything about it in fact he removed the condom so far that I didn’t even have the chance to realise what was happening. My memory is even blurred because of the alcohol and cocktails he was making me

    • You didn't object the other two times he did it.

    • Because it was already done?

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  • He sees you as a "tinder whore" so he doesn't care what you want or think.

    • And I see him as a tinder cunt who hopefully one day gonna catch and std

    • Asker.. you two are a match made in heaven. You deserve each other.

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