Sexual Relationships
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Why does a person's sexual history matter so much, to where its a deal breaker sometimes?

Ok so n my past i dated someone who nearly broke up with me because i told her i had been with 6 women sexually in my past. I was 27 at the time and she was 20. She felt like i, at 27, should be a virgin like she was. It just makes no sense to me. One i have never had unprotected sex, until i married my wife, Two, i have never had an STD, Period. I tested frequently when i was dating. So why would it matter. She also felt like masturbation was cheating, Looking at porn was cheating, Having conversations with the opposite sex, including family members was cheating..

Why do people care about this so much.. It seems to matter more to men than women for some reason. But it has never really mattered to me.. Unless she had been with like thousands, because she was an escort or something.. And its not the sex in that situation, its the reputation, i dont want that kind of thing following me around.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • A laundry list of conquests might indicate someone isn't as careful as a person would like them to be. There are people who are either very sexually conservative or very religious and would not accept someone who'd had sex with more than a person or two.
    There are people who believe sex is only between married people and both should be virgins until marriage.
    The person you cite sounds like a serious prude. You can't talk with anyone of the opposite sex or it's cheating? Self stimulation is cheating? Talking to a male cousin, brother or father is cheating? There was something seriously wrong with that woman's upbringing.

    These are old-time values: a virgin is a guaranty you'll never be cheated on, the child will be yours. ETC..
    There are no guarantees. Even if a man or woman enters a marriage a virgin, there's no guaranty they will be faithful to the person they marry.

    These old saws die hard. I WOULD worry if a potential partner had had dozens or hundreds of sexual encourters. Are they sex addicted? A sex worker on the side. There is the time period they had these encounters too. If someone's older, there was a lot more shopping around. Since HIV, in 1979-80 sexual encounters have ratcheted down. People have far fewer partners over a lifetime.

  • I don't know I mean if someone told me they'd been with.. I don't know.. 30 people. Itd definitely be kind of a turn off

    • I can understand that..

Most Helpful Guys

  • It makes perfect sense if you take into account very common human attributes like pride, jealousy, insecurity. Even more common for younger people. Virgins usually have performance pressure, so if you have sex with another virgin neither of you can judge each other / be afraid of being judged and compared to previous partners, so that's the ideal scenario. Being the only inexperienced one in the relationship can even feel like you are somehow "behind" and the relationship doesn't feel equal in that sense. But of course if you are the experienced one you don't understand because you don't feel like being "ahead". Those jealousies and insecurities are of course illusory, meaningless and childish from outsiders perspective, but nevertheless they feel real and bother people who suffer from them and haven't psychologically grown past them.

    • And I don't believe at all that it has anything to do with religious views or any kind of values. Those religious rules are byproduct of human jealousy and pride 100%. Why do you think muslim men can have multiple wives but women have to cover their faces and whole body in public and be killed if they cheat? and why the men like this rule so much? Because they don't have to worry about other guys looking at their women or their women cheating on them. This rule eliminates all jealousy and worry for the men and they can keep their pride. Same with waiting until marriage rule. You don't have to be jealous for better looking people having more sex than you or your partner being more experienced than you. It's so obvious.

  • You are looking for a logical explanation in a topic that is driven almost exclusively by emotion.

    • very true lol

    • Thanks for MHO!

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Because your past often shapes you into the person you become. Not always but often. If i wanted to be with a hoe, i’d just hire a stripper/prostitute. I find it hard to love someone who doesn't love themselves. If someone is sleeping withh so many people in so little time, its usually because they dont respect themselves or they are super in love with themselves and want to share that with everyone else lol. I personally am not comfortable dating someone whos been with over a handful of people. And for the few they were with, i feel more comfortable knowing it was someone they were in love with and not just someone they slept with for temporary fun/attention. Like i told the guy on that other post, if you can't handle someones sexual history, dont date them. And i meant that. I wouldn't date someone whos physically sexually promiscuous, be it their past or present.

  • Complete bullshit. Does not matter. Ughhhhh.

  • Statistically the more sexual partners you have the more likely you are to cheat, divorce, be unhappy in a long term relationship, be sexually disattisfied in a long term monogamous relationship, more likely to suffer anxiety and depression etc. All of which is destructive to long term relationships (and any potential families developed in that time span).

    This mostly affects women more then men though I think its more that men compartmentalize better then women rather then them just not being affected by it i. e. I see the same "symptoms" in men who sleep around a lot but as much in men who have not.

    As for your number, ideally the most resilient and stable marriages are of two virgins, however life does not give us ideal it gives us what it gives us so I don't see your number being all that extreme.

    • Typo, I see the same symptoms in men who sleep around a lot but not as much in men who have not.

  • It sounds like it more about her values than someone's history.

    • i just found it laughable that she expected me at age 27 to be a virgin..

    • It's because she was too. She has rules/values/beliefs in her head and is expecting her future partner to be just like her.

  • It doesn't as long as they have no stds from it.
    I think a lot of times people get a little insecure or are taught to judge people based off of sexual experience.
    But plenty of sexually active people have better overall morals than non sexually active people tbh. It's really not a good way to judge someone.

  • That’s so stupid. Body counts or sex history doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t change someone’s quality as a partner or their value as a human being.

    • yeah no kidding. it just never made sense to me. Literally the only thing i look at when it comes to sex history is if the person has a history of cheating on their partners. Because it shows a pattern of disloyalty and dishonesty.

    • Cheating I can understand. Or even history of being a victim of sexual violence, but that’s only so I know what not to say or do with them. But I don’t care how many or who someone sleeps with. If it’s consensual, then I’m good with it.

    • same here

    • Show All

  • I don't know why it should matter. Sometimes you have an image in your mind of a person you are in love with. You think that person is perfect and when you find out something about that person that is something you might not approve of it suddenly changes everything. All of a sudden that person somehow loses some of that specialness they once had.

  • Well that chick you dated clearly had mental deficiencies to basically call everything cheating.

    There are just some people that can't handle certain things.

  • Pattern behavior usually repeats

    • Which for op was having sex, not cheating

    • Yeah i never cheated.. And having only been with 6 women by the time i was 27 i think is pretty good lol. I had my first when i was 16, i was with her til i was 20, i met and was with the remaining 5 for 6 months each.. I dont jump from girl to girl, i dont cheat, i tend to stick with one person and thats it.. I am married now, and i have been with this one person for 8 years.. Thank god its not the one im talking about in my question though. my wife is lucky number 8 lol

    • That is good

  • The more partners they have had, there is an increased chance of them just seeing you as another name on the list, them having an STD or that the person is filled to the brim with red flags with all of those relationships failing. Applies to both men and women.

  • I think the larger problem was what she considered cheating. If it was, I would be extremely unfaithful.

  • Who they slept with and how many they've had, doesn't matter to me

    What I care about is:

    If they're a criminal
    If they have kids
    If they have an STD

  • Cause want someone similar to myself and I can't take someone serious who sleeps around a lot and are in and out of relationships a lot

  • I am a virgin, but I wouldn't expect my husband to be the same, I have reasons, for why I am a virgin, none of it to do with religion or waiting until marriage. I just think everyone is different.

  • A lot of people have a very prudish view of sex and expect their partner to be pure and virginal, which isn’t realistic. Sex feels good. It’s a natural act. People are gonna want to do it. Why hold that against them? People have a sexual history. I don’t care how many partners a guy has had. I’ve had many sexual partners myself but I’ve never cheated on a boyfriend and never will. Liking sex doesn’t mean a person is untrustworthy or undesirable. The number of sex partners always comes up in a relationship and I always tell the truth. If a guy has an issue with it, it’s his problem, not mine.

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