Guys, WHY MEN TELL ME WHY! PLEASE EXPLAIN?

Question

Why when a girl is mad or mad at her man do some men turn to sexual behavior?
If a girl says she hurt upset heartbroken
She doesn't want to hear something like "Let's have sex!" If the girls says we need a break lets just stop for now... The next time the man calls her She doesn't want to hear hey babe lets get naked, or do you want to watch me get off or do you want to shower with me or anything sexual! If she tells a man she's angry at him or feels hurt by him She doesn't want to hear something like "I masturbated to you. Gosh you're so f'king hot I came real hard!" When she asks the man why he's saying things like that she doesn't want to hear something like "You're angry cuz I'm turned on by you?" No we are asking because we are legitimately trying not to get angrier at the guy and trying our hardest to understand him... When girls are angry at a man for the most part we don't want anything sexual from them not because its a power play as some men may think but because we are hurting emotionally! Making sexual comments when we are hurt or mad just gets us more mad! It makes us feel like we are not being listen to and not taken seriously. It feels like our needs and our emotions are being dismissed. It makes us feel like the man is only with us for the sex and not because he cares. We don't want to hear sexual references or be asked or offered sexual favors! What we want is the man to fix what is hurting us. We want the man to speak to us and listen. We want an apology promises and actions to repair the relationship and that does not evolve sex! APOLOGIZE FLOWERS SONNETS ROMANTIC SONGS anything but sex or sexual references! This is a girls point of view... From a girls mind and aching heart...
Now MEN please help me understand! What is a mans reasoning! Clearly there is a disconnect. what are we women missing here? And why do SOME men not understand even when we are saying thats not what we want or need right now?

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

Yes, there's a disconnect, and yes, I think men sometimes are at fault - but women are also sometimes at fault.

Many women like to play games, by "getting upset" over nothing - or worse, over things she knows she invented in her head! - and then she'll sulk or pout or get angry, except she knows that she's wrong. But she's doing it to see if she can get away with it, or if he's going to call her out on it. Even if you don't do this personally, I bet you know girls that do. But this kind of behavior often serves to teach men that when women are "upset" that it's just a game and he shouldn't take it seriously. Of course, when he's legitimately upset over something he actually did wrong, this comes back to bite her, because he's likely to play off her anger like he did before - like she trained him to do - even though she doesn't want that when she's really angry.

There are also women who are extremely oversensitive - they get upset at EVERYTHING, and every single thing that happens in the world she believes is happening TO HER or because of HER somehow. These women overthink everything, they see attacks coming from everywhere, and think the whole world is against them. And, so, again, they "train" their guy to ignore it when they're upset, because they're ALWAYS upset, and usually it's over absolutely nothing.

To be fair, there are guys who either just don't care about the girl, and just go through the motions of a relationship but aren't really invested, and there are idiots who think that sex will solve everything (or at least delay them having to deal with a problem), so, yes, sometimes the guy is just a jerk or a dolt.

My question is: do YOU (not the Asker specifically, but anyone reading this) act like an adult with your partner, and have adult conversations (direct, honest, without game-playing) on a regular basis, and do you treat your partner like an adult? If so, you aren't likely to have these kinds of problems. If you don't, and you talk but don't get to the point, or you avoid awkward or uncomfortable topics, or you don't say what's really bothering you because you assume they should "just know", or any of that, then YOU are part of the problem - you're encouraging your partner to be childish by acting childishly yourself.

ohshee · Accepted Answer

Okay so first you have to understand guys, as a guy is growing up his parents his friends his family nobody really talks to him about how to love a woman he kind of has to learn it on his own and if he doesn't see it in his household or learned it from his parents by watching then the only thing that he can put a picture of love to and how to love is with sex.

He's not taught about emotions of a woman you got tied about emotions of himself he doesn't know how to comfort a woman because he never seen it growing up and all he understands is sex feels good this is how I have to show my love to her this is how I prove myself that I love her because that's all he knows boys guys are not taught anything at all when it comes to this

So what happens the first time you're in pain are you need comfort he's going to his only thing he knows the only way that you can prove his way or that he loves you is sex because that's all he knows he was never taught

So when you're not mad and you're laying in bed and he wants to have sex with you what is he telling you he's telling you he wants to show you his love he wants you to feel how much he loves you because once again that's all he knows

I was very lucky in a roundabout way I never knew my real father. my parents step father and mother got divorced when I was 10. All my life I've wondered who I was who was I supposed to be so any older man that would pass me I would look at him and wonder is that my dad I was lucky because I got to teach myself I was lucky because I watched my parents and I watched I'm sure I got a lot of good things out of it but I got more destruction than something positive I don't care what it is in this world I want to know about it I want to experience it like I said sometimes growing up in a f*****-up world is a blessing at least for me it was I wouldn't change a thing but that's why your man does what he does

OlderAndWiser · Answer

You are certainly pissed off at some unfortunate dude!

MCheetah · Answer

I've never heard of this being a thing before...

InventorofWarp · Answer

You're with the wrong man.

GnatSocks · Answer

I think you're dating an idiot. A funny idiot, but an idiot nonetheless.

JackSmy · Answer

Very few men are good with dealing with emotions, but we know sex, and when we have had sex, she seems happy! That's why some go to that, I think. Not a good reason, but reality, for a lot of guys, I think.
Very few of us go beyond that, and try to face the FEARS with "emotional shit!" It's not something most guys learn, and if they do, it is their Father, telling them not to cry, "like a little girl, and be a Man!"
Many, today. might consider that even 'abuse' but it is how some of us grew up, and what we were taught, as "right" as a "man".
Now, women have changed everything, and before those of us, that grew up with the way we knew, WOMEN ARE JUDGING, and ANGRY at men, that DON'T KNOW ANY OTHER WAY!!! Talk about ABUSE!! Like degrading, Judging, and Hating, sometimes, on ones that don't know anything like what they are being JUDGED and HATED FOR!!

Jjpayne · Answer

That blows my mind 🤯 it makes no sense to me 😕

The only place I could see it is distraction or even attaction. Distraction to help you to forget about your bad thoughts to think about something fun

or attaction where it actually is attactive to him when you are angry because that happens.

Or it could simply be because they are not listening enough to care 😞 which would be sad

Lynx122 · Answer

Probably cause it worked in the past.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

I agree that No Woman Wants Sex when they are Upset or Mad so a Man should be a Man and go by her Wishes

Phoenix98 · Answer

I really couldn’t answer that because it’s not my line of thinking.

Andres77 · Answer

We all have filters. Sometimes we don't hear what's being said, we hear what we think. Not making excuses. I need to look at this again later.

Guys, WHY MEN TELL ME WHY! PLEASE EXPLAIN?

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