Try to be open and gentle and concise with the conversation. He may not want to open up either, but it might also be that opening and chance for him to ask some simple uncertain first time questions on his mind. Tell him to try not to be embarrassed about anything he is wondering about. It's just a physical experience he's going through, that everyone (even you) have gone through it. He'll notice physical changes that he will experience, both in him and other guys and girls around him as he is growing up.
Again, try to be truthful and concise... do some googling on puberty changes and show him any pictures or diagrams of physical changes in boys AND girls that are available. Allow him the access to research what he wants to know at his own pace. (they're all doing it anyway). Tell him he can ask you what ever he wants and whenever he needs to, and that you will answer him as bast as you can.
Don't treat him like a little boy anymore. He's growing up fast these days, and he needs to know you are there for him.
Teach him the Facts of Life. Be straight forward. If he says his "penis" feels funny and hard when he's around girls, tell him why that's natural. When he wants to know more tell him.. We all had to learn, most of us older ones didn't have the information available today.
What ever you do, don't scare him away from SEX; don't shut him out with threats about Sex is bad, and waiting for the right girl to have sex, or telling him he shouldn't masturbate. or have any feelings towards girls at all. Tell him openly (when he's ready) what the sexual act is, tell him about girls breasts and vagina and how the man's penis enters the vagina and deposits the sperm to fertilize the girls eggs and possibly produce a baby.
He's gonna hear it anyway from friends and others; but what will he actually be hearing and learning... just boys made up wild stories.
Or some true "Motherly/fatherly" facts as you see fit to provide when the time is right.
Be the Father and Mother your son needs and will respect, if he is given the Truthful Information and Education he so desperately wants and needs at this time in his life.
Then watch him grow up to be a Man you'll be proud of someday.
Sure would do that. Thanks for the encouragement. I would be frank and honest with him. Thank you again.
I know a single mom. her son is now 14 and hasn’t seen his dad since he was six. My advice is to start laying a foundation of trust early. You want him to grow up knowing that he can talk to you about anything.
Give him opportunities to be with just you, no one else around. Then, you can always give him an opening and ask him if he has any questions.
The main thing is to be very matter-of-fact and calm about it. she told her son, “I’m sorry you don’t have a dad in your life that you can go to, but know that I will never lie to you. You can always ask me anything. And there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. It’s all very normal and natural. I may not be a man, but I was married for 17 years to one, so there’s nothing you can ask me that will embarrass me.”
Getting that reassurance made her son visibly relax.
She taught him how to play basketball, throw knives and shoot guns. She taught him how to tie a tie (both single- and double-Windsor knots), and She also taught him how to shave.
I do wish, for his sake, that he had a man to talk to. But because he doesn’t, the next best thing was to make sure that the mom had a relationship close enough that he could ask her questions. she has always been very matter-of-fact and never acted embarrassed, so that’s helped him a lot.
Another thing I should add: it’s pretty rare for her son to come and ask her, out of the blue, a sex-related question. However, if the mom provided the opening and a private place, if the mom opened up and shared with him something she thought he needed to know as a man, then he would ask questions.
Thank you for detailed opinion and it's helpful.
use yourself and his father as examples, just start off by talking about anything, tell him you have seen most things, make light of it, you may find it's easier than you think
Thank you for answering. I have made a list of things which I would discuss. I would start with general sexual anatomy, puberty, sexual intercourse, contraceptive and right to privacy and consent. Hopefully I would be able to have a discussion soon.
that is a very good idea, you may find that it becomes an enjoyable chore, but also remember to try and explain that things aren't all plain sailing and that people have very different agenda's like how I explained to my daughters that their dad and I had an open like marriage
I just know how my mom taught my brother, and she really just read off websites
Ohh thats fine too, as long as there isn't much of clarifications required in between.
She found some pictures and videos too lol.
Okay :-)
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What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!The first thing:at the appropriate time of age (at your discretion) be completely honest about telling him the difference between having sex for pleasure alone and having sex for pleasure and reproduction, as well as allowing him to ask open questions therein without feeling embarrassed.
It would be little odd to speak on these things to him but would try my best. I don't know if I could explain it well enough.
I have this from the opposite angle, in that I have a daughter lol.
I can however off load some of the more girlie stuff to my ex.
the rest I just sit down and talk with her about whatever it is.
I have found being open, honest, not being judgmental, simply accept what you are told, no matter what it is.
trying and break down any complex things in to smaller things to look at.
14-15 is a right pain in tits for a boy, as he is now becoming a young adult.
puberty is kicking him to fuck and also chances are so are mates with stuff they chat about.
guys can get exactly same hang ups as girls, from body shaming, to lack of confidence, how to talk to opposite and same sex.
been through a lot of this stuff in last week or so.
happy to share any insight etc
Thanks for sharing your experiences here and it's very helpful.
No problem. I had a bit of a ropey time as a young teen lol, so all too aware of issues. Happy to DM if you want.
Sent a follow request recently. Thanks
Do you have any male relatives that would be willing to help you like your father or a brother?
I only have a sis and dad isn't there.
Like the other user said getting a book would help. If not laci Greene has a bunch of sex Ed videos online but I think they are geared more towards girls.
Am glad you helped, surely would try to find a way out.
My mom told me that I would find out everything I need to know on my wedding night. I've never been married. Good thing I ignored her advise.
😂😂😂
Lol, am sure you are doing fine. Thanks!!
You don’t. Find a guy you trust to do it he’s not gonna take anything you say seriously
But why wouldn't he take me seriously though.
Ur his mom... it’s in the job description
If i was a single mom. I'm picking up that phone and calling my oldest brother to give that talk.
I would say to just talk to him like he's an adult and listen to him. This means asking him how he feels about puberty and how it's changing him. It's better he knows what to experience so he's prepared. But certainly it is not acceptable for a teacher to just say
"when a man and woman love each other they come together, now go off into the world"
He should know how to perform sexually especially the first time he has sex, that a girl will be nervous and possibly afraid of getting hurt etc, that girls discriminate guys on their looks and dick size. That he'll feel more lonely than a girl will because he has to be the one to approach and will often get rejected.
Thank you for the suggestions. I am making a list of what to speak so that it would be helpful for me and I would surely include the points that you mentioned above.
awesome 🙂 however, i am slightly biased so i'll correct myself.. if he's a v. decent guy (as i was) girls will approach him. I did not mean to say that you should talk to him about all of the things in one go, i meant that you should be openminded and talk to him with no feeling of embarassment. Also a good mom cuddles her son, listens, and doesn't have him feel regret opening up to her. The very fact your here asking, i am 100% certain you're the best mom a boy could ever have.
Thanks, it's a great compliment for a single mom. I need to be his father as well as mom. So before speaking to him I just wanted some suggestions, because as a woman am sure I could miss out on some points related to this and I wanted to explain him almost everything without any gender bias, so the query was posted here. I was busy with work most times and I just forgot that he is a growing up kid and I want to fulfill my duties as a mom and support him during this phase.
I don't recall mine ever teaching me honestly. I just gradually found out myself, and my school taught us as well of course. I do recommend talking to him though, because the absence of me getting told what was what led me to porn at an early age and not knowing it for what it was, I went right into an addiction for a time. It was a very bad timing during my puberty when my hormones were through the roof, some days sex was all I could think of. Then again I as a person have a high libido so it might not be as intense for all boys.
Thank you for answering. Sure I would talk with him and hope am able to converse through it without any embarrassment. That would be my motive.
He may benefit from a book about the subject geared towards his age group. At the very least it will be a way for you to broach the subject and that it's okay for him to ask you anything. I find a lot of the educational material is about human reproduction and not how humans actually have sex. If you're not comfortable discussing that he'll probably learn (if he hasn't already) like many others do, online or from friends.
Thank you. As you know it's a challenge for single mom's on this topic, but am worried seeing the way he is behaving. I know his hormones are driving him but I am just a bit worried on how to start the topic.
Take cues from things you and your son encounter to discuss sex related subjects. For example if STDs are mentioned in a television program stop and ask him if he's learned about STDs in school or has questions. Even if he says he knows, you could ask him what he knows to be sure he does. Be brave and continue to build his trust so he's not afraid to keep things from you.
Okay sure.. thank you!!
What kind of odd things
Something's related to sex, I feel I shouldn't share here as he is my son.
So I can't say anything about that. I think you should ask about his girlfriend. Then you can access the problem
He is just 14, and I think he doesn't have a girlfriend.
I have a younger brother. Just like leave hime, hormones will come naturally. He will learn to know his body
Yes I agree but I don't want him to be misguided about it and do something immature in the influence of his hormones. If he had a father i wouldn't had to be bothered about it. He would have talked him through but I would have to be both his father and mother during this phase.
Stop worrying.
You're embarrassed to talk to your own child. Got it. FAIL.
I have 2 sons and can help if you wish... dm me lets chat
Low Xper can't dm but I thank you for the opinion. I am sure you managed to. take care and guide your son's well.
The talk depends on what he did bc by that we could understand what he needs to hear other than that it would be just like saying general things and you could say dos and don'ts and what's appropriate and not and there is no easy way you have to just talk I guess once you start you can continue
Thank you for taking your time to answer. I just made a list of things that I would discuss. It would be mostly related to anatomy of both males and females, puberty, sexual intercourse, contraceptive, right to privacy and consent. Let me know if am missing something. Thank you once again.
There is a Psychologist (expert in sexology) who I have listen to, since I was a teen. She's from Spain, lived in Mexico, now in the US. Her name is Silvia Olmedo. If she lives in the US, she speaks English. Give it try, contact her.
This is the link to her website:
https://silviaolmedo.com/
I didn't find anything near to her popularity and usefulness, in YouTube.
in English*, in YouTube.
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/silviaolmedo/
I highly recomend her.
Who knows anymore?
Sorry didn't get you!!
I wouldn't have a clue what to say to my son about sex or relationships. I mean, all I could do is tell him what to avoid. But I wouldn't be able to tell him how to find a good woman.
I just wish my mom would have been brave enough to come and show me the correct ways of pleasing myself and girls. I feel like I missed out on a great chance to get really close and learn with each other. There was a lot of desire on my end and wish I could have been helped through it with her! I hope you take the chance with your son!
I would try to have a honest discussion with him and I hope he would be able to understand what's right and wrong. I just want him to be aware of this topic before reaching his teens.
Can you DM me? Would love to talk more
Talk more?
I think I know exactly wha you are referring too, but just be open and honest with your son.😊
As your username suggests, you are wise so I think you might be knowing what it is. Sure I would be honest. Thanks
Feel free to send me a dm.
Well your his mother and sense your a single mom, either A you tell him B you get someone whose a guy in your family to tell him or ask a friend to do it, C let him figure it out for himself
Which one do you think would be better? I mean assuming you were adolescent, which one would you prefer?
u because ur his mom
Ok would do that, thanks
How old is he? Good luck
He is 14.
I understand
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