My friends with benefits got real pissed off when I politely asked her if she could shave up good next time we met?

[Anonymous]

So I have been hooking up with a girl in her early 20s. We have been talking got months and met up a few times and had an awesome time every time.

We have been real good about communication. Last time we hung out I asked her if she didn’t mind if I was more straight up about sexual stuff over messages (I usually don’t say anything). She said yes.

So anyway we made plans to hang out again on Friday. I asked her if she didn’t mind if I made two small requests. First was to bring her toy (she has a hard time climaxing) because I told her it was my goal to give her the big O. She laughed and said okay. Second was if she could shave up real good because it makes me enjoy “downtown more”. Last time we hung out she was a bit prickly with the leg hair. I didn’t say anything but the truth was I didn’t like it. It wasn’t a dealbreaker and I know it’s a pain in the ass for women to shave. But still I enjoyed it much more when she was all smooth the time before she came over.

She didn’t respond for an hour. Then she defensively said 1) everybody has hair (yeah I know). 2) it wasn’t my body so I don’t get a “say”.

I apologized and said “seriously no big deal”. This was the first time ever she got bitchy with me. Ever.

She’s a senior in college and I get a bad feeling she’s just parroting woke feminist bs. She NEVER brought up politics/feminism to me in conversation or in person (neither did I bring up my beliefs). That’s what I liked about her.

Anyway I already said “sorry I didn’t mean it that way”. I’m not going to message her again until she messages me first.

But I’m a bit pissed off by how she reacted to that. We agreed to have transparent communication and I’ve been very good to her. I expressed that I liked smooth legs and it was in context of the conversation.

If she was taken a back fine. But that “it’s not your body” part set off a few red alarm upstairs. She was trained to say that.

Thoughts on how to respond?

[Anonymous]

Can't say I blame you. I don't think it's wrong to share opinions and preferences with your partner, especially if that's what you agree to do, and if she doesn't want to shave she could have just said so. No need to get pissy about it. It's no different from a women telling her man she prefers his face clean shaven. No big deal.

Personally I find hair down there on a woman pretty off putting so I don't blame for for asking. You'll have to decide of it's worth continuing the relationship. I wouldn't, personally, especially given she seems to lean toward the woke feminist side of things. I have no fucking tolerance for that bullshit from a woman. Life is too short and there are plenty of good women out there. You deserve better, man.

[Asker]

Yeah it was fun while it lasted. I specifically asked her last time we hung out if she didn’t mind if messaged her about sexual stuff. Prior to hanging out I was very careful not to mention sex because I wanted to avoid the creep label. I flat out told her that. She seemingly understood my position. I did not bring this shaving thing out if nowhere either. It wasn’t asked bluntly it was lead into. We were making plans for the next meet up. If she was taken back by what I said she could of handled it better. I just asked her to make a small change about something she CAN control. Considering the work I put otherwise (preparing my place for her) and work I put in bed it didn’t seem unreasonable. There is this stupid ass push by feminists to “not shave” (again). I get that it’s a pain in the ass for women to shave all that surface area. I don’t expect them to do it everyday. But they expect men to control our OPINION of something they can change. Meanwhile women judge men all the time on things they can’t control (height, money, voice depth, age, etc). I’m not going to message her again until she reaches out to me.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, I think that's the right thing to do. If she continues to have an issue with it then she's not worth your time and effort. I do understand shaving is a pain for women but as you pointed out, we men have our own burdens to bear in the dating and sex game. They like to complain about it but if they take it as far as she did, that's just not acceptable. There are plenty of other women out there ho see this issue for what it is and are willing to do their part, as we are. That's the only way the game is a win-win. Cheers

[Asker]

thanks man. Just curious if she does reach back and doesn’t bring up the incident, shows up to my place again and is still a bit bristly what would you do? I think what’s going on is she feels more comfortable going on cruise control with me just because I’m older. Yeah I’ll be more flexible than other guys her age all things considered. But still asking her to do just one thing that is an easy fix shouldn’t be asking too much.

[Opinion Owner]

I can't answer that one for you brother. If it were me, I would not make a big issue of it but I would comment on it and see how she reacts. If it becomes clear she isn't going to change her ways, you'll need to make a decision as to whether you care enough about it to lose the friends with benefits relationship. If it were me, I would just stop calling her.

[Asker]

Good point. I already made a decision to stop messaging. Let her come to me.

[kkirk4442]

She is your friend with benefits, not your girlfriend. She is independent in ways that a girlfriend is not. And you may have asked in a manner that she didn't like. Or, she may simply not want a friend with benefits who wants her to change.

[Asker]

I actually was very careful on how I asked this. I specifically asked in her in person earlier if she didn’t mind if messaged her about sexual things and she said yes. I never said that earlier out of fear of looking creepy earlier. But some things I have to communicate. For example I was going to ask her to bring her toy last time but I just felt hesitant to message that so I didn’t. But it would of come in handy. If she doesn’t want to shave then fine. But when brought up the line “it’s not your body” that rung alarm bells in my head. That’s a direct line from feminism

[Lilionna]

She could have been trained to say that or she is self conscious. I hate shaving as I have muscle spasms and such so when I shave my hand sometimes jerks with as you can guess causes issues when I have a razor to my skin so shaving my legs can be a bit of an issue. Though not likely I thought present that as a plausible reason for her reaction cause stuff like my medical stuff makes me defensive in regards to my looks. This includes my stubbles lol

[Asker]

I have been nothing but very sweet to her so that response pissed me off. I quickly apologized (although I wonder if I really should have) and said it’s no big deal. If she had problems like you mentioned above and would of explained it I would of felt better. But this “it’s not your body” bs pissed me off. That’s something out of a feminist handbook. Also I’ve gone down on her twice but she hasn’t returned the favor yet (I don’t really care about BJs but when a girl initiates it shows she’s very attracted). If a guy is going to busy in your nether regions with his tongue I don’t think it’s too much for him to ask if you are all smooth. She wasn’t that hairy but it was stubble.

[Asker]

Hey if she would of given me a legit reason for hating to shave beyond “it’s not your body you don’t get a say” I would of took it better. That is what we really bothered me. I have never told her to do anything specifically for me besides come over.

[In_Trance]

you blew it. way to go

[Asker]

Insightful. Really.

[Anonymous]

Wow, you have a friends with benefits situation and you still have fights and drama like guys in relationships do.
You should get a realistic sex doll, they don't get hairy or bitchy.

[Asker]

There was no fighting/drama at all earlier. None. First time she acted this way.

[Opinion Owner]

Let the games begin.

[Asker]

Sadly you might be right. I’m just not going to reach out anymore. Let her think a bit.