Am I secretely lesbian/bi or I still haven't found the right guy?

Question

I'm 24, virgin and never been in a relationship. I've always had crushes on boys ever since I was in elementary school. I know I'm attracted to them because I feel the butterflies, I've been emotionally invested with some of them, I have sexual fantasies about them, I love the eye contact games, I've been guilty of teasing men for years and I enjoyed every single bit of it. I lost 100 lbs and now I feel good in my body, whenever I dress up to go out I like the attention I get from them etc. However!! I discovered self pleasure when I was little by watching a girl strip and that freaks me out. I've never been attracted to a girl I saw down the street, sure I acknowledge someone's beauty but it's never been "sexual", more like admiration probably. I've had some sexual dreams about being eaten out by girls and it felt really good, actually. It turned me on. Sometimes If I watch girl acting dirty (like in porn movies etc) it's a turn on for sure but that's it. I don't imagine myself with a lady in real life.
Sex with men scares me. I'm literally scared of a guy penis. I've never watched an actual porn movie because I can't stand the sight of penetration, it disturbs me. When I think of two girls having sex I don't feel like this because I'm a girl, I know what a female body looks like so the sight of naked women feels normal to me. Sex also gives me anxiety becuase I relate it to pain, fear of getting pregnant, the thought of something stretching my vagina is scary, there are certain things that upset me the sight of giving birth, flesh and blood, I feel the same about sex (with men). I don't think that people are disgusted by the idea of sex normally. So, that's for sure not normal and strange. If a guy tries to push further, I run. I tease but then if he wants to get serious I just run away. I see the relationship per se as a prison even if it were with a girl, I'm currently imagining myself in a relationship with a girl and it just feels "wrong", I'm like "nah"

SphynxUK · Accepted Answer

I think you’re straight. You just can’t get your head around your issue being intimate with a man. Sounds like you might benefit from some therapy to help allay your fears and anxiety around it.

CanadianGirlx23 · Accepted Answer

I'm a virgin too. Nothing wrong with it. Nothing wrong with being bisexual or a lesbian.

Wowie101 · Accepted Answer

Darlin... you need professional help you need professional help... My guess is this is stemming from somewhere and it’s probably related to a deeper issue. I hope you figure it out

TheSpaceGnome · Accepted Answer

Sounds like you are gay honestly. I don't want kids but i'm not afraid of vaginas and i don't fantasize about dudes ever.

Pink6o6 · Answer

There's a possibility you might be bi curious.

Wise4myage · Answer

At the moment, Id say your bi curious.

Twalli · Answer

I think you're probably straight but worried about sex. Probably if you find a guy that you wholly trust you might allow him to have sex with you, but don't feel bad about waiting

Waldoe · Answer

sounds like you are very conflicted, I am sorry about that. The only way to get over it is to force yourself to go through it, then the mystery will be gone. If you have a close male friend, I would talk it over with him.