Does this prove the bible wants me to have anal sex?

[purplepoppy]

Numbers 22:21-38
King James Version

21 And Balaam rose up in the morning, and saddled his ass, and went with the princes of Moab.
(Clearly rose up refers to getting an erection while saddled ass could be spanking or use of bondage equipment)

22 And God's anger was kindled because he went: and the angel of the Lord stood in the way for an adversary against him. Now he was riding upon his ass, and his two servants were with him.
( the last line obviously refers to an anal gangbang)

23 And the ass saw the angel of the Lord standing in the way, and his sword drawn in his hand: and the ass turned aside out of the way, and went into the field: and Balaam smote the ass, to turn her into the way.
And when the ass saw the angel of the Lord, she thrust herself unto the wall and crushed Balaam's foot against the wall: and he smote her again.
( sword drawn in his hand means holding his dick. ass turned aside out= prolapse. thrust herself unto the wall=begged for sex)

26 And the angel of the Lord went further, and stood in a narrow place, where was no way to turn either to the right hand or to the left.
(A narrow place obviously refers to the anal passage)

So does this mean the bible approves of anal sex?

[PrudentGuy]

Of course! That's from the OT. Let me show you from Jesus own example to his disciples in the NT.

Matthew 21:2 "[Jusus] Saying unto them, Go into the village over against you, and straightway ye shall find an ass tied, and a colt with her: loose them, and bring them unto me."

Colt: wiki "a young uncastrated male horse, in particular one less than four years old."

So there was an underground event, where a girl was tied and her ass was fucked by an uncastrated male horse.

"3 And if any man say ought unto you, ye shall say, The Lord hath need of them; and straightway he will send them."

Of course the Event Management is not happy because he had a lot of spectators watching then. But once he heard Jesus name, he immediate allowed.

"4 All this was done, that it might be fulfilled which was spoken by the prophet, saying,

5 Tell ye the daughter of Sion, Behold, thy King cometh unto thee, meek, and sitting upon an ass, and a colt the foal of an ass.

6 And the disciples went, and did as Jesus commanded them,

7 And brought the ass, and the colt, and put on them their clothes, and they set him thereon."

So you see, first, the girl was fucked by a horse. Then the disciples took then, and then they stripped and started the nude procession.

When they reached Jesus, they did a 3-way fuck - Jesus ass fuck the girl, and the horse ass fuck him.

And they did this in Public, thus making him the King of the new lifestyle.

"8 And a very great multitude spread their garments in the way; others cut down branches from the trees, and strawed them in the way."

And the entire city stripped bare and followed Jesus and his disciples, praising the new way of life.

But of course, all these were illegal under Roman's Law. Hence Jesus was arrested and then crucified. But that was another story.

Anal fuck? Amen! "Follow Me", saith Jesus, the Bastard Son of Mary.

[normalice]

You need look no further than Leviticus 18:22 - You shall not lie with a male as with a woman.

Obviously, the only way to lie with a male is in the butt (oral is more sitting than lying). Thus the bible assumes that the way women are lied with is also in the butt.

[Andreaslag]

Open up your assholes girls! The Bible wants us to <3

[NYlatefun]

Amen sister! Lol

[MrOracle]

https://www.youtube.com/embed/3mWiswHqmuc

As part of my extensive research, I came across this video, which seems to confirm your findings...

[Pogi-Paddy]

🤣🤣🤣 That's funny 🤣🤣😂

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

They're rosary beads not anal beads 🤣🤣

[Lliam]

Clearly. Astute analysis of the holy scripture (revealed word of God). LMAO

[JackSmy]

PurplePoppy, you can be such a DELIGHT, and with the cynical, or sarcastic things, the 'playing' the "Alternate Advocate (Devil's hand?)"
Some will likely be offended at this, but I am not. You "read into" the text, and interpret it, in your own way!
I think, perhaps, you were a Wonderous Court Jester, in some ancient King's Court, mocking Him, openly, for his, and his Council's amusement!

[electromagnetic]

Wait, they aren't talking about a donkey?

[The_Maphio]

Considering that Sodoma and Gomorra were burned to the ground, city and every single person living there included... I'd say no. And sexual perversion was the prime reason of the rain of fire.

[David92506]

https://www.youtube.com/embed/liiKjhCbOnk

Yes it does!

[bowenw]

I always thought when the Bible referred to an ass that it was a donkey.
'Rose up' means 'woke up'.

[Phoenix98]

Nope.

All it proves is that your either a troll or have a messed up mind or both.

[DaveToo]

Well now! That is the most interesting interpretation of the old testament that I have ever read! I was never into anal sex, or sex with an ass, (donkey). But you make it sound downright fun!

[Feelicks]

Seems legit. You taking seminary schooling then?

[SuccessfulHornDog]

semen-ary

[Wiredone]

I got just four words to answer your question, bend over and spreadum. Lol

[dudeinohio]

ass=donkey An animal.

[SuccessfulHornDog]

Just shut up and bend over already

[COMMODOREII]

*shaking head*

[Pete671]

wow looks like you've cracked the code, it's a parable about accepting Jesus into your life, it might be painful at first, but you'll soon start enjoying it and never regret it,,,
Maybe it's why women can't be priests, no penis so can't give cummunion properly,,,
Actually the cross looks a bit like an anal sex toy, the crossbar preventing a trip to A and E if you get too enthusiastic,,,

[mackiewishbone]

Yes ! Thank god you are open to the calling

[Kelly6]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣yup

[JamieLoves]

Yes... Without a doubt! He says to do it NOW!

[In_Trance]

Yup. Take it in the hoop