HELP! Boyfriend has a thing for impregnating me? However I am actually pregnant now but he's not ready?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. We've gotten to know each other well and we have talked about having a future together like getting married, and having children.
During our time together, he started to develop this kink of wanting to make me pregnant so many times.
At first I asked him if he's genuinely sure about that (even when he wasn't turned on) and he said I want to have a family with you. I kept asking for several times to make sure because honestly, I wasn't ready to have a family yet since I was in my late teens and he was in his early twenties. So we would have protected sex with birth control and he wouldn't cum in me either because I told him I'm not ready. I always made sure that we were both safe and protected.
Eventually, its been years from that moment and we've talked about it again and he does say he wants children as many as we can have and I was okay with that because I was ready to start a family. We talked about what would happen that night and we ended up having unprotected sex without birth control, condoms, or contraceptives. I didn't get my period on the expected date it was suppose to come and I end up taking a pregnancy test and it was positive. I made an appointment and confirmed with my doctor and I am pregnant.
As happy as I was, I told him the news about it and he seemed "fine" but hours later he started panicking and told me, "Im not ready". Hearing that broke my heart... I dont understand why he would do that and I am really confused on how to approach him about this without getting frustrated or stressed. I'm very sad that this is his response especially after all these years of talking about it. He gained my trust into having a baby and I trusted him... Guys or Girls, please help me understand why he is like this or even how can I talk to him about this? Im just so confused and heartbroken.. I want to keep this baby and his response was your going to have to do that alone... WTF...

[MrOracle]

A lot of guys panic when the weight of that news actually hits them, but that doesn't mean they won't ultimately step up and be good fathers. You need to keep having conversations with him about this - it's a real thing and ready or not, it's happening, so either he's going to accept that and take some responsibility or he won't (don't suggest to him that NOT doing so is an option - don't give him an easy out), but likely he will. Remind him that you'd talked about this and this is what he wanted.

[Asker]

Im currently talking to him now about it.. but his response is im not ready.. he isn't given me a reason why either.. Its really breaking my heart. I trusted him and I dont understand why he's not ready now that im actually pregnant.

[Vviiccttoorr]

Honestly the first step is stay calm and don’t stress. Honestly he might just be initially scared (I mean becoming a parent can be scary) but, my dad wasn’t initially trying to have children at first but, once I was born he was rushing my mom to have more with him LOL. So give it time also since you do want the baby definitely have the baby (don’t let peer pressure; weather it’s your boyfriend or other people you know push you to having an abortion because, many women regret having the abortion) so tell you boyfriend to chill in a calm manner and to know that it’s just an initial scary thought but, once you guys actually have the baby it will be the greatest thing ever. If he’s willing to leave you even after that then find someone who is willing to raise a child with you but, again keep the baby because, it will be a regret you have that unfortunately other women face.

[OlderAndWiser]

How many more decades does he need to get ready?

[Asker]

He told me another 2 -3 years because he's "financially unstable" at the moment.. Which is odd since he has a steady job that he's worked at for over 6 years... Makes $16 an hour. Works long shifts, and is a supervisor. I also work too and I have a full time job which includes paid leave. I worked with my job for over 4 years and I feel like together our income should be stable enough? I dont understand why he's telling me that either..

[OlderAndWiser]

Sounds like an excuse to me. Probably afraid of the responsibility, but it's too late now, isn't it?

[Asker]

It actually kinda does. I feel like there's something else. Maybe its because of his relationship with his father thats causing it or I dont know. I know he doesn't have a good father-son relationship with his dad and I wouldn't want that either for our baby but he doesn't want to take responsibility. He just keeps telling me, "Im not ready". Im ready to have the baby. I just dont know if its panic or he actually didn't think that was going to happen even though thats technically the outcome from unprotected sex..

[OlderAndWiser]

Maybe he has created a reason for you to break up with him so that he can end it without feeling so guilty. That would be rather childish, but people do such things.

[GnatSocks]

That really is awful, OP, but this is why you get married. If you have a father in your life, it's time you talk to him. If not and he has an honorable father, talk to him.

[Asker]

I understand and we did talk about getting married and he was "supposedly" going to surprise me on the proposal but I just assumed we would be together with the baby.. He told me he's going to stay but I really dont know. His father is actually not in his life at the moment and is elsewhere... I have yet to tell my father about this because he welcomed my boyfriend with loving and trusting arms and for him to do that to me shows great disrespect to my father..

[GnatSocks]

He had a moment of panic, but he needs a very real talk right now. I don't know if you can give that talk, OP.

[Asker]

Im trying to understand why he isn't ready. He won't tell me anything and just keeps saying that he's not ready. I gave him time apart for awhile now actually. But its not enough time and Im just getting anxiety wondering why because I start overthinking and think some stupid reasons like what if its because Im not good enough for him to be a mother to his kids... I dont know. Im trying to talk to him but he won't either give me and answer nor accept responsibility.

[GnatSocks]

OP, talk to your father.

[Asker]

He told me the reason why he's not ready is because he considers himself financially unstable. I asked him when do you think you'll be ready to even have a child with me. He said 2-3 years... First of all, he has a job and he has been working there for more than 6 years. He's a supervisor for the place he works at and he makes about $16 an hour. He also works lengthy hours from 80 to 110 hours at times. Lately, he's only had one day off every week and he works 12 hour shifts... I don't know if I should ask but I dont understand how that is financially unstable when he makes so much annually even more than I make. We both work too so our income is stable.

[GnatSocks]

He's making excuses. Your family will help. His family will help. That's the way it is and has been.

[GnatSocks]

And OP, don't let worries like that get in your way. He seems scared. That's fine. Make sure he is far more scared of your father than the baby.

[Asker]

I'll tell my father about this. My dad is going to be very very upset I know for sure.. Okay Ill not worry about that. My anxiety just got the best of me and it became very uncomfortable thinking that way. It just feels so unreal that he wanted this for so long and I wasn't even the one ready at the time but over time I became more ready because I grew and not only that we grew together.. but I truly hope its just him being scared and not because of something else..

[GnatSocks]

OP, he has an impregnation fetish. It is what it is. Of course your dad will be upset about this. You made that choice too, but it's a man's responsibility to make it right, and your boyfriend isn't there yet, so I just hope your dad can. There's only so much someone can do, but you're his daughter. He will always love you, even with this. He will be mad as hell, though.

[abc3643]

Of course, you're not married right?
Getting married is when you know a guy is "sure" about something at least.

You commit to marriage before committing to having kids. That way, you know he's "sure".

[Asker]

We are definitely not married but at the time when he talked with me about it he wanted to do this proposal but like somewhere "big" until the pandemic started.. He supposedly still wants to get married but he doesn't want to have our baby.. I was "sure" that we wanted a kid together because we've talked about it. I trusted him and this was his response.. I dont understand.

[abc3643]

There is a reason why we have contracts when doing business in the world. A contract make a person put his/her money where he mouth is. It is a form of commitment with penalties for breach of contract. That's what marriage is: A contract. It means the two people are seriously together and not just shacking up. It's a legal declaration to the world (and the government) that "This person and I are each other's best friends and will remain that way until death. No person do I trust more and no person am I closer too." Marriage CREATES families. Don't trust your emotions or someone's word. Get it in writing. Get married... THEN he is saying that he is with you forever and, hopefully, won't be a chicken-shit. =========== OK, for your situation now, I am not sure what to tell you. If you don't want the baby and it's still early, get an abortion and dump this guy. The alternative is to pressure him "to do the right thing" which is what older generations would have him do. BOTTOMLINE: Adults take responsibility and are held accountable for their actions. Children do not. Remind him of this and ask him if he is a man or a child?

[poneglyphs]

AAAAAAAAA

Okay, that's out of the way, have you told family members? Have you talked to anyone else? What's your plan if he does want you to raise him by yourself?

[Asker]

I've told only my close relatives about the situation such as my cousins and mother.. They are very happy for me however they also told me if he does not want involvement then that will be his unfortunate choice and will miss being a father.. My plan is just to support myself technically save up, I already have health insurance and I can drive myself or even my cousins whom offered to drive me to the appointments. I have great support from my family overall right now but its just very heartbreaking that he doesn't want to be involved..

[MasterOfReality]

What a punk...

[OddBeMe]

and this is why dead beat dads have their wages garnished.

[Typhon_]

-Why you should marry before having a baby-
#1:

[Deku2009]

It’s norm fir people to react this way in first pregnancy

[Asker]

It is our first pregnancy together but will it go away with time?

[Deku2009]

Yes it will he needs to grow up and take responsibility he is ready