Why does my boyfriend not want to have sex with me anymore?

Question

Please help!!
My boyfriend and I are in a really good place. Sorry for the tmi but we have a lot of sex, trying out new things and are always open about what we want to do and try out. Normally we would have sex every day or every other day (sometimes multiple times).
So one big change that happened is, I moved into his place. We were speaking before about how it would effect our relationship and he would even joke can you imagine how much sex we will have.
The reality is very different though I’ve been living at his for about 10 days and we hardly have sex. We had sex the first day after a week I asked him if all is good and that I missed him. All he said was we can do it tonight (which made me feel bad.. as if I pushed or forced him to do it). After that we are again not having any sex.. I don’t want to force myself on him.. when we are making out I feel that he gets excited, hard but he either leaves to take a shower or if we are in bed he literally turns me around. I still feel him pulsating (so he must be in the mood, right - but we just don’t do it).
I don’t want to annoy him or push him and I’m ok with not having sex but I just don’t understand what is happening and I love having sex with him and if it’s smt I do I’m totally ok to change it but he just doesn’t say anything.
what do you thing is happening and what should I do? Please help anything would be great.

wheist9095 · Accepted Answer

This is a tough one, because if he gets in the mood but then goes to take a shower or purposefully disengages... That means he's physically ready to have sex but does not want to for some reason. You're going to have to ask him about it, I can't think of any concrete reason why he would be disengaging.

For talking to him about it, I would recommend sitting him down, and being straightforward. Ask him why he disengages, and backs off instead of going forward and committing to the sex. Maybe he's too tired, maybe he doesn't want to put in the time that he knows it's going to take, maybe he's worried about things moving too quickly and he's afraid you'll get pregnant, maybe he thinks that he will be desensitized to it and he won't enjoy it if it happens too often.

Also, some advice from an old Jewish guy I know. You have to maintain distance with your partner when you live with them. Don't hug them too much, don't kiss them too much, don't cuddle on the couch too often. Because when you become overly familiar, that little bit of special spark starts to die. If a kiss is just like any other, then they aren't as enticing or spectacular as they used to be when they were rare.

DiegoO · Accepted Answer

When your partner for some reason avoids you, over and over again, and don't reciprocate, that's something you need to talk seriously with your partner, and only with your partner. If after the talk, and after a time it goes back to the same story, ask yourself if the relation worth it. Sometimes for some reason we decide to push things, without a conversation. Also, you don't need to know all the answer. Be in touch with the dynamics of the relationship, and be truthful to how you feel about it. Remember this to, you are not there to change his behavior. It is what it is, if he decides to continue ignoring you, you know the best.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

This is a question that only he can answer. Why haven't you discussed this with him?

spartan55 · Answer

I'm honestly not sure what it could be. A conversation outside of the bedroom is definitely in order. Try to keep it like you aren't attacking him. But also make sure he knows how you feel. He knows things are different, don't let him play dumb.

boggboss · Answer

Its impossible to know this is somthing you are going to have to talk to him about

MannySimms · Answer

He's just not into you anymore. Move on.

exitseven · Answer

I don't know what is going on. It seemed to happen really fast after you moved in so maybe you should start with that. Is he uncomfortable sharing his space with you?

Guy_No · Answer

I think you need to be upfront with him, and lay your cards on the table. , if he is still getting aroused as you said, then I'd be wondering if he has been unfaithful, and is feeling guilty.
I hope it isn't that, and you get things back on track.

Browneye57 · Answer

Ask him if he's jerking off to porn instead. Or if he has a side piece.  My bet is it's one or the other. Which begs the question, 'what was the point of moving in together.'

genericname85 · Answer

i would suggest doing more stuff separated. i mean have some individual life, cause basically sittting on each others lap all day is not conductive to an exciting sex life. cause each others presence becomes mundane and boring over time.

the separation is what makes the excitement for "being together".

Iron_Man · Answer

Talking is key Its very important you're going to have to sit him down and talk it out

Wise4myage · Answer

It seems everything changed when you moved in, so you need to have a chat with him about this. Or maybe he's just tired of having sex so often?

Twalli · Answer

Ask him why he doesn't seem to want to have as much sex as he previously did. Also tell him you're happy just being with him, but it feels like he sees sex with you as more of a chore which makes you feel bad.

Turtleneck22 · Answer

Ok you say he doesn’t want sex anymore and then your first sentence is we have a lot of sex. I stopped reading right there.

abhi75757 · Answer

If i would be their i wouldn't leave you

Anonymous · Answer

how long have you been with him now?

Anonymous · Answer

what did you do

Anonymous · Answer

That is a pretty odd scenario. I have no idea what is going on in his head. He's going to need to tell you himself.

Why does my boyfriend not want to have sex with me anymore?

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