Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Would you still be friends with someone of the opposite gender if you knew they would never give you sexual, financial, or practical favors?

Practical favors include repairing your furniture, etc.

personally I like to think friendship goes beyond the possibility of sex, money, or repairs, but that's apparently up for debate here on GAG. Please read all options before voting
Would you still be friends with someone of the opposite gender if you knew they would never give you sexual, financial, or practical favors?
Yes, I would still be friends regardless.
Vote A
No. They're not worth my friendship then.
Vote B
No, but I wouldn't be friends with someone of the same sex who didn't offer any of those benefits either.
Vote C
I am gay or asexual
Vote D
Select gender and age to cast your vote:
Girl Guy
0 1

Superb Opinion

  • I'm open to the idea. I've found that over time when women get into relationships with other guys though, that those friendships tend to dissolve. Whether it's just the time they're spending with a new SO, jealousy, or whatever, that experiment dies.

    Call it sexist or what you will, but I've found creating lasting relationships with women typically involves sex. Without it, whether you're conscious of it or not, you wind up treating each other more as acquaintances than friends because of the risk of sexual tension, and feelings being hurt. Even if that relationship is having sex once and realizing you just don't like each other like that, but hanging out is something you enjoy doing together.

    It's tough to create an actual bond with anyone you always feel like walking on egg-shells around. Still, it can be worth pursuing, I don't expect any of my friendships to last 4eva and eva! or anything like that, that's family, not friends who have an obligation to stick around even when you hate each other. So you never know what that experience will be like, what you'll learn or experience, good and bad.

    It isn't worth it to shut people out arbitrarily. I may talk a lot about what I look for and want in a relationship, but it doesn't mean that anything that doesn't fit those criteria is getting rejected. Not at all. Each friendship is a unique experience, and there is always something to get and give through it. Even if it isn't material or sexual.

Most Helpful Guy

  • You purposely left out "attention" as one of those things that women desire (if not demand) from their friendships with men, and I'll also add "validation". But, yes, I contend that MOST friendships would not exist if these benefits - or at least the hope of these benefits - were removed.

    I'm not saying that it's necessarily a bad thing that we have these needs and desires from our friendships - the "bad thing" is when we pretend that this isn't true, so that we don't have to have any bad feelings about our own demands, even if we complain about the demands of the opposite sex. That's disingenuous and wrong. We need to at least acknowledge that we take from friendships just as well as we give, because that's the truth - and that means that we shouldn't pretend that we don't.

    • Those don't count because women expect those things from other women too. This question is about what people expect predominantly or exclusively from the opposite sex.

    • Of course they count, because men see these things VERY differently than women see them. For women, this is how women communicate. For men, this is a CHORE, often a very frustrating one. Men tend to communicate very directly - just the facts - and seek tangible answers. Having to listen to a 2-hour story with 13 supporting players all to find out that one girl was mean to you is MADDENING to most men - especially when, even at the end, most women still don't actually get to the point. Other women take this in stride - because it's the same way they talk about things - but men find this kind of thing exasperating, which is why men will tune you out. So, yes, this VERY MUCH counts, and the whole point is that women don't realize just how much this does count. It's an example of women "taking" from men, but men are taught to just shut up and take it and not complain about it - and we mostly do. But just because we don't complain about it doesn't mean we're okay with it, or that it doesn't come at a cost to us. I'm just trying to get this all "out on the table" and so everyone can be honest about these things. If you can't even admit it's a real thing, then you certainly can't have a discussion about it.

    • I remember that one lesbian who pretended to be a man for a year or so. After she revealed she was a woman, her male friends started confiding in her more often which they felt they couldnt do when they thought she was a man. So it's not like women just leach emotional support from men. They offer it, too, when men feel like they can't get it from other men. I've literally had guys tell me they don't need a therapist because they have me. (Which I find unfair because I didn't sign up to be a therapist.) It's extremely common for guys to view female friends as therapists.

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girls

  • I -am- friends with several guys like that! And have no shame in admitting that.

    Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the point of a friendship to connect and spend time with people you have mutual interests with, they make you happy, and you enjoy their company? Last I checked, a friendship shouldn't or doesn't require sex, gifts, or them fixing stuff for you: male or female.

    But maybe that's just me.
    As I said, I have guy friends I have known for years and we just spend time with each other, hang out, or talk like normal friends. If we exchange gifts, it's usually for a special occasion- such as a birthday or Christmas. And we enjoy our friendship regardless... as it should be.

    • Do you seek emotional support from these close male friends? Do you sit them down and tell them long stories about whatever drama is going on in your life, and how each person involved plays into the whole narrative? If so, then you are extracting a benefit from those men that comes at a cost to those men. For the men, that time spent with you isn't time they enjoy - it's time they endure. And if they ceased to endure it, and would leave or change the subject every time you sought emotional support from them, you would certainly notice and you'd get frustrated and you'd likely demote their friendship status over time. Why? Because those benefits are important to you, and without them, the relationship isn't worth it. Is that not true?

  • Yeah, sure. I mainly have my good friends for emotional support if anything, beyond just having a good time together. It is sure nice to have help with something practical if you need something done that is much easier with some extra hands, but just a bonus.

    • Exactly

    • What neither of you seem to understand is that the emotional support you are getting from men comes at a COST to those men. As the recipient of the benefit, you don't even realize that, and society tells us that it's okay to take from men in that way - but you feel very differently when men want something that THEY find of value. Which is the whole point of the discussion. If you ignore or dismiss the fact that YOUR benefits have a cost, then that, in your mind, gives you the moral high ground to deride men for wanting some benefits too - but that's not the truth.

    • @MrOracle wtf, I give emotional support back. You think I am a selfish bitch who just take and take? If he expects sex back he is not a friend for me, if that is your point.

    • Show All

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What Girls & Guys Said

12 64

  • Both men and women wouldn't - Men lie about it so they act like friends but actually want sex - women if they don't get MALE validation specifically they wouldn't have guy friends - or being their therapists - or using them for transportation - all of these all knowing the dude likes them - Yea men and women can't be friends and those who deny it haven't been on the other side of the coin..

  • Yes. My friendship is about way more than that.

  • There is no such thing as "never give you".
    There is only "they don't want that right now", which I fully respect.

    You can never know whether you will become attracted to someone at some other point.
    I've had sex with enough of "never" girls that I now just yawn whenever I hear that spiel.

    But, yes.
    I would be friends with someone without seeking anything more out of it than friendship.
    If there are any benefits to me, whether practical or sexual, I would simply treat it as a welcome bonus.

  • Yes I would, because friendship is not about giving someone tangible favors. To me its about having a bond of trust among people even if its platonic or non-financial.

  • I would still be friends but it helps in life to have helpful friends.

  • Well
    Yes that's true friendship I mean with the true friend I don't need any of those and if I ever did I would go to the bank or something I wouldn't ask my friend and for sex well I just wouldn't go there. I respect her and I want to stay friends

  • Well I think as humans its our nature to only associate with those who benefit us. We are self-serving beings so even if its not a traditional benefit we get from the opposite sex, being around another person is beneficial because we gain experience. Basically you learn from who you're around and knowledge is power.
    You can benefit from anyone whether you like what you gain maybe questionable but essentially you still benefit simply from your experiences and exposure to them. 🤷

  • Friends is a thing. You don't keep a friend for practical advantages. That is, if we are talking ACTUAL friends and not acquaintances to go out drinking with in the weekends.
    Of course, those are never gonna be a partner.

  • Well... I've already been friends with women for over a decade, and I didn't expect these kind of favors to be a thing.

    Especially "sexual favors" there's no such a thing for me... lol. Not even in a relationship with an actual girlfriend, I don't like sex to feel like a chore or a favor, gift... none of that.

  • Naturally!
    The only thing I ask is that they add value to my life like I do my best to add value to theirs.
    Value as in emotional support and someone to talk to.

  • I cannot choose answer because mine is unqine. Friendship is about sharing and helping each other. I don't believe it's possible for any person or gender to have a healthy friendship without these.

    Anyone that outright does not help or support me, is not a friend in the first place. Think about this, "could you get the door, grab me a drink from the fridge, turn the light off, pick up food on the way here, start the car for me, answer the phone.." if a person's answer is no to all of these, are they really my friend? Friends help each other out. Not sexual of course but simply helping each other and sharing with each other. That is what you are taught in kindergarten, to share and do things for each other, even just as people in public. "Let hold open the door or pick that up for you... " It should be a natural part of friendship

    • That would be option #3

  • Yes but friendship should still be mutually beneficial relationship where both people get something out of each other. It doesn’t necessarily have to be those things you mentioned. And gender doesn’t matter.

  • No because i wouldn't want to invest in a friendship that doesn't lead to anything. If you need someone to tell all your emotions to get a therapist. If you're in the friendzone FELLAS! STOP WASTING YOUR TIME

    • Do you have any male friends?

    • Only male friends or girl friends. Im too busy to have relationships with women that dont offer me anything like sex, cooking, or a sense of peace. To that i say, "Bye, Felicia"

  • My best female friend, has little money, certainly is not going to have sex with me, and doesn't do me any "favors". But she is a very good friend, kind and compassionate with others.

  • I wouldn't become friends with someone for favours but yeah unless and until we click and we have common similar interests and qualities I probably wouldn't become close friends with them in the first place.

  • I didn't know friendship was essentially just what I can get out off someone what about the social aspect off the friendship does that have no value lol gag people are crazy

    • Agreed. I thought the social component was the core aspect of friendship but according to GAG that's not the case 🤷

    • Then again are u suprsied gag is a cesspit of degenerats that most likely have never had a true friend so to them its just a thing they do to get somthong out off people

  • Yes because I do not become friends with someone out of interest. Being friends with someone because of what they provide for you is equivalent to an exchange of your friendship for what they are willing to provide for you. Thats not how real friendship works. I become friends with someone because I appreciate who they are.

  • Yeah of course

  • Well yes... but.

    • But what?

    • I definitely would. However it's also true that it's mildly uncommon. The issue is that men's idea of "friendship" and women's is somewhat different. Make friendships are usually built around common interests and getting together in groups. Women's friendships tend to be more a network of one-one connections based around emotional openness and support. Most men can quite happily have any number of women as friends who are "just one of the guys" because that's then fitting into the standard male mode of friendship. The sort of friendships most women are talking about however are ones that behave more like female friendships - lots of talking about feelings and being emotionally vulnerable and supportive. A lot of men ONLY do that with a romantic partner which is one reason there can be confusion around status of male-female friendships - he's behaving in a way that for him is not friendship. I would say different men have different appetites for that type of connection - some not wanting it particularly at all (the sort of guys who don't open up even in a relationship) while some do like lots and have a bunch of female friends. I'd guess the average guy wants one relationship like that - so if he doesn't have a healthy relationship will value one female friend who he is open with. Women will often notice that guy semi vanishes when he starts dating someone and then is back if things aren't going well. I probably have the appetizer for one or two connections of that sort but not more.

  • Most of my female friends are not in a position to offer me financial or practical favours. The possibility of sexual favours with them is something as far as I know neither of us has ever considered.

    Some of my female friends are on a different continent and over 10,000 miles away. I'd be disturbed to get anything sexual from them!

    I don't go into a friendship for what I can get beyond the pleasure of being that person's friend.

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