Husband watches porn?

[Anonymous]

We got married recently. I have ALWAYS been up front about the way I feel about porn when you are in a relationship with a woman who is willing to be sexually available to you anytime. I have told him how it would make me feel and how i veiw it as cheating. I saw porn in his history. I always feel like I nag him for sex and he declines its almost 50% of the time. So it REALLY hurts my self confidence and my feeling of being sexy to him. We also have a 1 year old daughter... and he always tells me how hard he is going to be on her and how he is going to make her be modest and self respecting... but thats very contradicting since he disrespects his wife by jacking himself off to porn stars. What should I do about this?

[Anonymous]

Talk to him about it. I don't agree with your view and it looks like he doesn't either. Still, you have every right to have that view and ask for it to be respected. But if you're entitled to that respect, then he's entitled to that same respect. Have an open conversation about it and see if you can't arrive at something that's acceptable to both of you. And if you can't, which sometimes happens, you'll have to decide just how important to you it is.

[Asker]

Of course you dont agree that porn is wrong while in relationships. The majority of men think it's fine and the majority of women thinks its not. Women are wired to be monogamous. Men are not.

[Opinion Owner]

My disagreement is it even being an issue of monogamy. You can cheat with a person, but I don't believe you can cheat with an inanimate object, like a picture or screen. You can make the argument that it's a picture of a person, but that's not the same as being a person. Cheating takes two people, but with porn, there's only one person involved. The porn star doesn't even know your husband exists. They have no contact. I don't believe contactless cheating is possible, nor do I believe that an imaginary person counts as polygamy.

[Asker]

Id you're husband is looking and fantasizing about another woman to the point where they have to manipulate and lie to their wife... thats a problem

[Anonymous]

I belive that ur Insecurities and selfish behaviour are hurting your husbands Mental health. Your obsession of such a trivial thing as porn is disturbing. If you actually cared about your husband you understand his needs too. He has not “ cheated” on you in any way. And this behaviour is demasculating him and driving him to not want to be intimate you. And I can’t blame him. If you keep this up he will find what he needs in another woman. And you will have distoyed your relationship. There more to a mans needs then “making yourself avaiable”
there's trust and acceptance of who he is and not forcing him to hide his feelings and behaviour.

[Anonymous]

Next time he asked for sex tell him no, pull out your phone look up porn with huge dicks. Then when he ask what you are doing tell him you'd rather watch porn like he does. He will most likely get angry then you can explain to him how it's the same hurt to you when he does it.

[Jenny4455]

Guys watch porn, its just how it is. How did you see it in his history? Sex with someone comes with an obligation towards that person as well. Watching porn and masturbating is something personal. Can be done for something as simple as to relax

[genericname85]

you have told him everything about your views of "using porn in a relationship". do you know his?

[Asker]

For the 5 years we have been together, he has agreed. I've found it before ( apparently it was an ad) and I was angry (felt like I was lied to and manipulated into trusting him) and he told me how much it hurts him to acuse him of such things. He made me feel ashamed for even THINKING he would do that to me. He told me how evil and disgusting it is. And that If i can't trust him- then whats the point of being together... Then a few months later I find more...

[genericname85]

have you watched don jon the movie? just curious.

[Asker]

No i I havnt

[genericname85]

i highly sggest it. cause that movie is primarily focused on "porn addiction" (which in the case of your husband i don't think is the issue) but you will find a character in there that will painfully remind you of yourself and provide a reflection of that that "may" make you think about stuff in a different light.

[genericname85]

if him watching porn leaves you sexually frustrated and unsatisfied, then i think you have a very valid point. otherwise not so much.

[Ironic_Method]

Simply put, sex is often more work than watching porn and masturbating. It just hits different.

Of course, if you established porn as cheating prior to getting together and he was aware I'd ask him why he's still watching.

Though my advice would be to watch porn with him and have fun with it.

[Jamie05rhs]

What he is doing is not acceptable and should not be happening.

Get him in addiction treatment immediately. If he protests, tell him that his only other option is to quit cold-turkey and give you access to all of his devices.

Tell him that you're serious, and if he fails on this issue he is going to lose his family.

[jahaims]

Ask him why he doesn't value you how you feel

[Twalli]

It's not meant to be disrespectful. It is sometimes an alternative or escape from what he has in real life. It doesn't even need to be something he would want. It's just different from what he currently has

[7771999]

He should be ashamed of himself

[Anonymous]

You don't satisfy him. When was the last time you opened the door for him after work. Then get down right there and suck him dry and swallow all?

[Anonymous]

Men need rampant sexual satisfaction. Its best he finds visual stimulation than engaging with another person.

[Anonymous]

Let him be. Watching porn is NOT cheating. Its ok as long as its legal porn and its mainly focusing on the women.

[Asker]

Well I think If im getting turned down for sex so that he can watch other women... it is like cheating. And if not-- then its definitely hurtful. If you had a person that you loved and they would rather watch men on porn and masterbate to them then to have actual sex with YOU.. that would be upsetting.

[jahaims]

Whether it is cheating or not is an opinion. Her opinion is it is cheating. So he is cheating.

[Wowie101]

@jahaims what? Cheating is cheating... not what your opinion is. What’s next because he scratches his balls he’s chilling?

[Wowie101]

@jahaims *cheating