How do you know if you're dom sub or switch?

Question

How did you figure out or realize? Did you always know? Or are you still not sure? Has it ever made you question it when you try something new and turn out to have an opposite reaction than you expected? I know this is just labels and it's more important to be open and communicate with your partner than to know exactly what you want all the time. I'm just curious how you guys worked it out or if you have or if you even needed to.

TurboKid · Accepted Answer

It's rather obvious to me now that I'm a particular type of dom. I like to be in control in the bedroom and don't even like BJs or positions like cowgirl where I can't take much control. If the girl is on top, I start wanting to grab her and move her body with my hands and usually get frustrated after a few mins and lean up so that I can take over.

I also like to be the one that asks girls out on dates and plans out where we go (I also pay for it in exchange). I'm really odd but I don't even like girls asking me out that much. They take away some control/initiative on my part.

That said, I didn't start this way. When I was a virgin and with my very first girlfriend, I was really passive and rather sub. I lacked confidence so I didn't mind if she undressed me and sort of took the lead in the bedroom. Yet once I started becoming more confident and less shy about these things, I really started wanting to take over.

There's also this test that I encountered from a Q on this site where I test dom:
== Results from bdsmtest. org ==
97% Dominant
73% Vanilla
67% Daddy/Mommy
54% Voyeur
45% Owner
42% Experimentalist
37% Exhibitionist
35% Brat tamer
34% Master/Mistress
31% Primal (Hunter)
16% Ageplayer
1% Rigger
1% Brat
1% Non-monogamist
0% Rope bunny
0% Slave
0% Degradee
0% Boy/Girl
0% Primal (Prey)
0% Submissive
0% Masochist
0% Degrader
0% Pet
0% Sadist
0% Switch

Aeon_Norell · Accepted Answer

It simply revealed itself to me gradually as I experimented and became more experienced.
Initially I didn't know about the many labels of the kink community. I simply knew what I liked and didn't like, and once I learned about the Dom/sub dynamic, I saw that I seemed to be on the dominant side.
But as I started to explore my sexuality more consciously, I found discrepancies in my sexual personality and my perception of the Dom role. Specifically, I didn't really resonate with the idea of making my partner submit or having her submit to me. I didn't act dominantly to subdue my partner, but simply because I reveled in the freedom to express my love and desire in its uninhibited, unrefined form, often pinning her down to cover her in kisses or holding her in place to give oral.
And sex only got better when she fought back and she, too, pinned me down.

So for a long time, I just wanted to be without a label, as I didn't feel that "Dom" could sufficiently describe me.

But about a year ago, I read about "primal play" and the "primal hunter" (a variation of the Dom), which fits me quite well. So that's the label i use now.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I’ve always known that I find being submissive a turn on. I do also like the idea of switching from time to time, but I’m mostly sub.

Ez-Bri-Z · Accepted Answer

In the bedroom? Total sub. I dont want any control lol Away from the bedroom? More of a switch.

MrBadd · Answer

I'd say that you probably have to have a go at both to figure it out. When I first tried BDSM it was because my girlfriend at the time wanted to be dominated, so I tried it and enjoyed it. Later with a different girl I tried letting her take lead just to see what it was like, I let her tie me up and all that, and it did nothing for me at all. I got bored. That's how I knew.