He made this stupid comment during sex. What do I do?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend is a bit younger than me and sometimes he acts it and it completely pisses me off.

I let a lot go because I can be silly and joke around too but this was just a step too far.

We had had sex in the morning and then he came over to my house. I cooked him a lovely meal and we were watching a film. I instigated and we started having sex. We were on the sofa and I was on top. At this point he says “BOUNCY BOUNCY BOUNCY” and starts laughing. At first I laughed in shock but then I got really annoyed and just got off and put my knickers back on. He was happy not to continue and just watch the film.

I felt like a TOTAL JOKE. And I am still reeling from it hours later.

He’s totally put me off sex with him. I shot him a look after and said that no one ever said that to me before (as if to say you are a complete joke). He ruined a lovely evening.

he's not as fit as me and I’d say a little overweight but he needs to be able to keep up and if he can’t then don’t insult me and make me not want to have sex with him.

Im actually super upset over this and would really appreciate some advice. I’m thinking of cancelling seeing him tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Sex often is funny, but there is a difference between laughing at what can happen during sex, and making a joke of a person with whom you are having sex. When he said bouncy, bouncy, bouncy, and laughed, it seems that you think he was making fun of your efforts at sex. Personally, I would not laugh while a woman was going up and down on my dick, and would not laugh at her boobs bounding, at least not like he did, saying bouncy, and laughing. I do remember my wife laughing about how her boobs bounced, as I was stroking in and out of her, but she made the joke, not me, and I made a quick laugh, and kept stroking, and thought she was very sexy. What your boy friend did was disrespectful and in poor taste. It's very personal when a woman is riding a man, working at it, doing your best, and it was very reasonable that you were upset with him, when he laughed and made fun of your efforts and actions. What to do? I can't say. I can say, that he is both younger, and more immature than are you, and seems to lack some of the common sense of how to treat a woman during sex, and probably other times as well. You need to decide if you can live with this, as it will likely continue. You can talk to him about how you feel, but I get the sense that it will change little, due to him being so immature. That may change in time, but it may take some time, as in him aging some. You need to decide, if you can accept his immaturity, and the sometimes very personal jabs, or not. I'm not saying leave him, or not to leave him. I'm just pointing our choices. But again, any woman who is riding her man, and he then makes a joke of it, then doesn't care if the sex stops, is asking for one very angry woman.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for understanding exactly how I feel and obviously the situation as it happened. You’re right... he’s immature and I can’t change that. Only time will. He has a lot of other very good qualities which makes it difficult. I’m going to take a bit of a back seat in the sex department with him. I’m cancelling our plans for tomorrow too as I feel angry and like I just want a bit of space

[Asker]

I’ve just told him straight in a message what he did upset me and I’m not seeing him.

[Opinion Owner]

You are doing what is appropriate and necessary for you.

[Asker]

He said he is sorry I feel that way which is basically an I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong. Which has made me more angry

[TonyV]

Honestly it dosent sound that messed up or rude to me, especially if you are both silly together from time to time.

It dosent seem like something that he would even know you have a problem with with, if my girlfriend was a fit slim girl I wouldn't think she'd have any problem with that comment so you should probably explain to him that it made you feel like a joke or the butt of a joke. I dont have much experience, I'm only on my second girlfriend ever but I was under the impression that jokes and sex didn't have to be entirely separate frome each other.

No offense but I think this is just you being a little too insecure about being made fun, can't couples laugh at each other a little bit? of.

[Asker]

Nah. You just don’t joke during sex

[Anonymous]

Are you sure he wasn’t talking about your tits bouncing up and down? I feel like that’s what most dudes are looking at when you’re on top anyways. If he was commenting on your weight while you were on top then that it really messed up. Y’all deffo need to talk about it though.

[Asker]

No it wasn’t my tits it was me in general moving up amd down. I’ve had words but tbh it’s put me off him

[Adam1978]

If he going to have to be serious all the time in the relationship, your the one with a problem not him. Like I see it he tried to lighten the mood, failed because you didn't like it, That happens in relationships, you learn what works and what doesn't. There is nothing that needs to be done, except for you to open up and allow yourself to not be so serious all the time and have fun and bring out your inner child.

[Asker]

I just don’t see how it’s funny though unless he views sex with me as a joke. As a woman, that’s really insulting

[Asker]

I’m all for joking around. I just see a time and place for it. I had sex with my ex for a year and not once did he ever make me feel stupid or come out with some childish remark

[Adam1978]

People are different, he probably not going to keep doing since you reacted the way you did. He observes and learn, he didn't want to insult you. You where riding him and he tried to lighten the situation. I don't see it as an insult to women at all. You did bounch on him after all. You are the one that easily get offended and feels attacked. Why? Because he laughed at you and you became insecure about what you where doing and if you looked funny doing it. So it really boils down to your insecurities and him triggering them.

[Asker]

I bet if you asked 1000 women if their partners had ever said that to them the answer would be no. Why would that be then? Because it is a stupid and off putting thing to say during sex. Did it make me feel insecure? Damn right. Am I an insecure person generally? No, I’m super confident and I wouldn’t usually feel anything but. I don’t want a partner who makes me feel like that. I want one who makes me feel wonderful. Why do you need to “lighten the situation “ during sex in the first place. That just means something is wrong.

[Adam1978]

You probably right, but I quite sure that what he tried to do. I wouldn't have done it, and so wouldn't most men. It basically the same as if a woman ride a man and do some horse or cowboy jokes while doing it. They try to lighten the mood and make it more into a game, not imply that he is a horse. That said each of those 1000 men would do something the others wouldn't do. I also bet each one could trigger you doing that thing. So the situation might be unique, the event itself isn't.

[Asker]

I get what you’re saying. We’re probably just not sexually compatible like someone else said

[Adam1978]

It has nothing to do with sex, it has to do with boundaries, this just happened during sex. But it isn't about sex. He could have pulled something similar during any other interaction, he might already have, he doesn't have the same restrictions as you. It the same if you over step his boundaries where ever they are. It's a normal process and it's really only a problem if the boundaries keeps getting ignored. You always need to have tolerance when it comes to new partners and relationships. If you keep hard rejecting everyone at first over step. You will end up alone because you give them no opportunity to learn where you have your boundaries. Same as he needs when you cross his.

[TonyV]

I'll say the only example I have of "childish sex" was a female coworker friend who would tell all sorts of stuff. When she first say her interest of the times penis she went "oh my gosh look" grabbed his penis flipped it up and proclaimed "it hits your belly button" seemed childish to me and I thought it would be something that would have bothered me. My take away from that story was that sex dosent have to be super serious, and sense a girl did the silly jokey thing I can say that some women like to joke around during sex.

[Asker]

@TonyV I just don’t find it a joking matter but he’s only young so 🤷🏼‍♀️

[TonyV]

Were all different, you dont like it and that's fine, I just dont think he meant to diminish the experience or to offend you. Just cause I'm curious, how young is he? Obviously you dont gotta say if you dont want too. My friend was only 21 at the time so maybe she was just being young and childish too🤷‍♂️

[Drumlin2001]

Personally I think your overreacting.
But he's your partner and he should know you better and should know that this would upset you so he shouldn't have done it.

[Asker]

I think of all the men I know that wouldn’t do this and it just upsets me massively

[joeldalton]

Don't date 14 year olds.

[MasterOfReality]

Drop him.

[bunnyjain10]

Hey i am so sorry he was mean

[Asker]

Thanks dude

[bunnyjain10]

How are u now? What are you doing

[Pterodon]

Shame on you for putting up with it

[Asker]

Tell me what to do from here please

[Pterodon]

Dump him. He’s too immature and you’re not sexually compatible. He won’t lick your pussy the way you expect

[Asker]

My last boyfriend couldn’t do it enough and I’m hairless and shower twice a day so I keep it 👌🏻

[Pterodon]

There are guys out there that will lick it all day even you keep it a natural bush

[Asker]

I feel insulted that I always go down on him and give it my best and this is what I get back. Am I being unreasonable here?

[Pterodon]

Not at all. Life’s too short to put up with piss poor selfish lovers. Have you told him to lick your pussy the way you want and as long and often as you want or you’ll find someone that will?

[Tstrbrainer]

Yup he carried teasing too far.
He needs to change

[Asker]

It was just beyond inappropriate

[Tstrbrainer]

I understand. But I also understand that you are not planning to leave him. So yeah, maybe you should take a step back on the sex part. You have given too much and he's not valuing it

[Asker]

Absolutely spot on. I have given too much and I need to back the hell off which is what I am doing

[Tstrbrainer]

All the best👍

[Asker]

Thanks for the advice

[Anonymous]

How long have you and him been together now?