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My boyfriend admitted he wants a threesome someday?

bewtysniffa
when i was a few years younger, i figured i wasn't wanting to have sex even though the people around me were. but then to make it worse, i was raped. that made me want sex even less. when i got with my boyfriend i didn't want to have sex for these reasons, and i told him that. but it ended up happening. i didn't want it at first but couldn't bring myself to say no again because i didn't want to upset him. so it was happening.

now i am okay with it. sometimes i actually want it and initiate it. but sometimes i still deal with wishing we weren't having sex. i physically love it but mentally hate it. but when we do it, i feel like it's bonding with him. i thought it was special and i don't want anyone else. i thought it was special to him too, until he admitted he wants a threesome someday. i regret asking, but we were already on the topic so i thought it made sense to ask. I've been struggling with depression and just overcame suicidal thoughts.

but ever since he admitted that he wants that, i am feeling suicidal again. like every time he says he loves me, only wants me and wants to be with me forever it's a lie. the thought of him having sex with someone else is killing me. it hurts so bad. i am feeling so insecure and hurt and suicidal. i don't know what to do.
Updates:
16 h
guys he already knows I've been raped. i told him in the beginning.
My boyfriend admitted he wants a threesome someday?
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