My boyfriend admitted he wants a threesome someday?

[bewtysniffa]

when i was a few years younger, i figured i wasn't wanting to have sex even though the people around me were. but then to make it worse, i was raped. that made me want sex even less. when i got with my boyfriend i didn't want to have sex for these reasons, and i told him that. but it ended up happening. i didn't want it at first but couldn't bring myself to say no again because i didn't want to upset him. so it was happening.

now i am okay with it. sometimes i actually want it and initiate it. but sometimes i still deal with wishing we weren't having sex. i physically love it but mentally hate it. but when we do it, i feel like it's bonding with him. i thought it was special and i don't want anyone else. i thought it was special to him too, until he admitted he wants a threesome someday. i regret asking, but we were already on the topic so i thought it made sense to ask. I've been struggling with depression and just overcame suicidal thoughts.

but ever since he admitted that he wants that, i am feeling suicidal again. like every time he says he loves me, only wants me and wants to be with me forever it's a lie. the thought of him having sex with someone else is killing me. it hurts so bad. i am feeling so insecure and hurt and suicidal. i don't know what to do.

[Anonymous]

I think women have a hard time understanding this because you need a connection with someone usually to have sex with them, a lot of guys don't. Is it better, yes of course, but we'll have sex with them lots of times without one. My point to this is this doesn't mean he doesn't love you and you aren't the one for him. This is a fantasy of his that's all, one he wants to share WITH you. Have you told him how uncomfortable you are with it? Do that!!

But also the rape is going to be an issue. I really think you need to seek therapy for that. Otherwise it's only going to continue to affect your life and relationships in a negative way. Now, does your boyfriend know about the rape? If so, it's pretty selfish of him to suggest the threesome. I'd never suggest this to a rape victim.

I don't know your boyfriend or your relationship, but this doesn't necessarily mean "it's a lie" and he doesn't love you. But do not consider this threesome. Tell him that you aren't comfortable with it right now, and then seek some therapy for rape victims. You must work through that trauma and those feelings. It's not fun or easy, but would you rather be suicidal and depressed all your life?

[Opinion Owner]

And if you really feel your boyfriend doesn't really love you or care, end it. Stay single while you get some therapy. You need time to work on yourself.

[bewtysniffa]

yes he knows. i told him because before we had sex, he was really touchy with me and i didn't like it. and i told him that, plus he said i would move away so he could tell. but it kept happening and i told him that me being raped was part of why i didn't like it. i would never do a threesome, it just hurts that he wants one. he didn't really suggest it though it's really my fault this even came up. i shouldn't have asked.

[Opinion Owner]

He really doesn't sound like the type of guy that you need to be with. I know it's hard, especially when you care and are battling depression, but maybe take a look at this relationship and ask yourself, "do I really want to be with this man?"

[LZPanzer]

I would hope you are seeing some kind of professional help for your trauma. I think you should inform your partner about your past too. I think you can be up front with him and tell him that even though you were the one to bring up the threesome topic you are not ok with having one and that you don't want to introduce a third person into the relationship.

The desire for a Threesomes is not uncommon among men. Any reasonable man would accept your boundaries.

[bewtysniffa]

i did tell him about it

[LZPanzer]

I think you should be honest and up front with him. Give him some time it may take him some time to process and think.

[ChrisMaster69]

Really sorry for you and past.

I really advise leaving your boyfriend, he does not sound like he has any respect for you as a person or your past.

then to suggest a 3 some is just going to far.

Really look at leaving him, he’s sort of exploiting your vulnerability.

[ChrisMaster69]

Yeah just reread it, get away from him, his use of you sounds controlling and exploiting. He will or is using your emotional vulnerability against you.

[ChrisMaster69]

@bewtysniffa yes he seems to be using the knowledge you have been raped and are therefore emotionally vulnerable against you, really look at leaving him.

[exitseven]

He should be more sensitive to your needs. Tell him that you still have trauma and that you would not want to do that.

[sammy1999]

you might want to see a professonial

[Andres77]

If he can't understand what you're going through then maybe you need to back away for a bit.
He's not a stable support for you right now and may never be.

[Iron_Man]

Don’t ever do that this guys gonna ruin your life and make you so suicidal it’s a disaster get rid of this guy ASAP and don’t ever lay with a woman

[Twalli]

Wanting a threesome is different than seeking it. I want one, most guys do. I won't seek it out. Your guy may not seek it out even if he wants one.

[Clarke498]

I think you're overplaying it. For him out might just be something fun he'd like to try. Something very superficial. Don't mean he would necessarily care for the woman.
Plus, half of what makes a threesome hot is watching two women getting it on

[Anonymous]

Just tell him you don't want to then

[bewtysniffa]

i did but he kinda just brushed it off saying maybe it will come with time

[Opinion Owner]

Do you think you'll keep asking