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Why do people blame rape victim?

And why do rape victims feels guilty believing its their fault? As a survivor i used to suppress my abuse. Now I'm coming forward speaking out to get stronger some people are supportive, some said its my fault and some don't believe me. Here are the things that I was told:
Why did you go there?
You shouldn't have been there?
You cause that on yourself
I don't know what to believe
Didn't you push him off?
What were you wearing?
You were supposed to know better
We knew him too long to believe he would do something like that
You know something like that is a big accusation
You must like how he touched you
It's unbelievable to believe you have been abused so many times. Are you living in the jungle?
Your stories are different leading people to believe none of this is true.

We live in a world where 5 year old are being raped did they cause that on their self?
I feel guilty because I'm ashamed what happened. Its something I don't like or want to talk about or remember. I feel degraded because I was humiliated, controlled and powerless someone used my body against my will. Because of that I lost my self confidence, self esteem, I feel broken like damaged goods, I failed in school, I suck at work, I feel suicidal, sometimes I wonder who will want me? I don't think I can recover from this, I still want revenge. What have I ever done to deserve this? I feel valueless and a disgrace despite me telling myself its not my fault. I don't believe in myself anymore... I can't do anything right.
0 3

Most Helpful Guys

  • First off its not your fault I don't give a fuck who says it. And secondly you have to be stronger do let www hate happened to you define you don't let it dictate how you live you life. Live you life but live it on your own terms. You've been through that worst life can throw at you and yet your still here I'm proud of you and you should be proud of yourself too

    • Thank you for the MHO and if you need to talk I'm here for you I really mean that

  • Because some people will use any excuse to save their own ass and justify their own BS.

    I'm sorry that something like this has happened to you, I'd advise talking to someone who you know and trust, in the hopes that things get better for you and I hope the SOB who did this will rot and die somewhere.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Are you saying you were raped when you were 5?

    • It's hard to believe isn't it

    • Sounds all most impossible

    • @brokengirl1 unfortunately not

  • They don't. Even in prison rapists are hated, no one ever supports a rapist and that is an absolute fact that cannot be denied (and I have no idea why women keep trying to claim otherwise.). The only time people support the rapist or blame the victim is when the victim is male and the rapist is a woman, otherwise no one blames the victim ever period.

    As for reasons why some one would not support the "victim", if their story doesn't add up, if their is a long delay in when they speak up etc. etc. then people will reasonablly question her because the very idea that no woman has ever lied and never will is absurd bordering on insane. Statistically women lie about rape a lot, upwards of 40%(and according to one study 60%) of rape and sexual assault claims are provably false (not false, PROVABLY FALSE, which is a much higher bar). So we don't just go and immediatley decide that because some one who is making the claim has a vagina that they must therefore be telling the truth and we need to accept everything they say without any shred of evidence.

    A seven year old girl claimed her father raped her, he went to prison for ten years because every one took the little girls word for it (because as always a mans word is meaningless when it comes to accusations of rape). Turned out she lied, she finally admitted after ten years that she had lied that she had only said that because she was angry that he grounded her. He went to prison for ten years on a claim that could not be verified. This is because many jump to conlcusion without evidence.

    That is what your probably confusing here, your conflating blaming the victim with wanting to make sure you don't damn some one who is innocent.

  • Because it didn't happen to them. It's easy to point out other people's "flaws."

  • Honestly? Just leave. Get your own place and never bother to speak with those people again, they are not worth the time. Rape is sadly a very common thing among women and you probably know several in your personal life that has been raped and never told anyone. As such its not uncommon and will not really force you to live a worse life in the future.

    There are groups out there that is set up to help you restart your life somewhere else if needed and therapy helps a lot. In fact everyone should go to therapy as a matter of course since its good for even mentally healthy people to regularly deal with issues they are having.

  • I was raped at age 10 by two Roman Catholic priests. The police told me I was a liar because God's holy priests don't do bad things like that. The Cardinal excommunicated me for seducing God's holy priests and my Mom for defending me. So we moved to a different diocese and it happened again a year later with yet a third priest. I have not stepped foot in a Roman Catholic Church since since obviously all Roman Catholic priests are evil pedophile demons from hell.

  • It's not like they openly blame the rape victim. Is that you can't trust the boy who yelled "wolf" anymore.
    Too many cases of dumb bitches faking rape to get the upper hand in a trial or just to demonstrate a poor sod that they can fuck their lives up on a whim.
    It was customary to believe a woman that'd cry about being raped. It's not like it anymore, and if anybody's to blame, it's your pussy endowed comrades. Same goes for the death of chivalry.

  • This sounds totally made up. No woman is blamed for rape in today's world, at least in civilized countries.

    Are you from the middle east?

  • I'm sure most people are supportive of sexual abuse victims. It's unconscionable to blame someone for being raped.

  • Rape is always the fault of the rapist, that is undeniably true. Nobody makes them rape, they make a choice to do so. They must take full responsibility for that decision, because they could have made a different decision. The victim is never to blame for rape.

    However, we can all take reasonable measures to better ensure our safety. If I go to a very dangerous neighbourhood, for example, when it was avoidable and I know it's dangerous then I have not taken the utmost care over my personal safety. I am not to blame for anything that happens to me at the hands of another person but I should have been more careful. If you ignore clear risks then you do not do yourself justice. You do not ask for the crime that happens to you, obviously, but you have not looked after yourself as you should. A parallel would be sticking your hand in a naked flame despite knowing the risks of doing so.

    In most cases of crime against innocent victims they could not have likely foreseen what would happen otherwise they would have done anything to avoid it. Rape never requires provocation, that will never be an excuse. Rape requires pathetic and sick individuals with no regard for others.

  • Its shit and should never happen as to why people blame you they believe your actions play a part in the rape happening a shit stance to take but meh there are. many shit people and as for people that don't believe u again its shit but crimes like rape tend to never leave behind evidence unless the person is caught in the act

  • They don't.

    They just don't understand, is all.

    Plus, you sound like drama. Even I don't believe you, and I have not even read your story yet.

  • Because it’s easier to mock someone than it is to pursue justice.

  • I think it's because the idea that anyone could be raped is too scary for most people to handle. They can't stand the thought that it could have been them, and the only reason it wasn't was luck and chance. They have to believe their safety is in their control as long as they do everything right, so they also have to believe rape victims did something wrong.

    So they comfort themselves by picking apart a rape victim's account of what happened. It's easier to think "Well I wouldn't have gone there/worn that/trusted that person/had that drink, so that NEVER would happen to me" than to acknowledge the fact that they are just lucky they were never successfully targeted by a rapist.

    Plus there is the mindset that men can't control themselves so it's up to women to stay safe. Which is the stupidest thing ever for so many reasons. A) It lets men off the hook, B) It makes rape the victim's fault, and C) It perpetuates the idea that all rapists and men and all victims are women, completely ignoring the fact that men can be victims and women can be rapists.

    I'm very sorry you not went through something so indescribably awful, and on top of that had to deal with the horrible reactions people had to learning what happened. It is NOT your fault at all, and I truly hope things start to improve for you very soon

  • Only ignorant people do.

  • rape victims feel guilt because that's a psychological way to cope with the fact that they had no power in that situation at all. a tragic loss of autonomy. by giving yourself guilt, you can feel less powerless and feel like you had more autonomy in the situation, consequently making the situation of being raped seem more managable even though it's realisticly not. it is very hard for people to come to terms with the fact that they were completely powerless. realizing that you can be that powerless can make you give up on life. that's why that realization can actually be dangerous for someone that's suffering from a traumatic experience... cause how do they prevent that from happening again? truth is: realisticly they can't and that's the horror of the arising psychological dilemma between losing the delusion of autonomy or the delusion of personal safety in this case. what's more devastating to lose? probably the delusion of personal safety. losing both delusions at once is unbearable for most people. that's why that protective mechanism of self-blame kicks in.

    i think blaming the victim comes from a similar place. people have trouble accepting, that life is that unsafe in general, which means they are that unsafe too. so they assume there "must" have been something the victim could have done to avoid it, consequently blaming them for not having done that.

  • You have to marry the man that rapes you?

  • Rationalization is the second strongest human drive! The rapist convinced themself that it is your fault.
    We believe it is our fault because that’s not an everyday thing we face. Hindsight is always 20/20. We play everything out in our heads and if we can find one minor thing that we could of done to possibly prevent it, then we pick it and dwell on it and let it drag us down.

  • Some people think the rape victim is at fault because she cause it or something. Frankly I only blame the victim when the evidence says she/he is lying

  • It is only your fault insofar as you exist. If you didn't exist you wouldn't be raped. Fact is that this world is not full of good, kind, and nice people. There are seriously evil people out there. Even women that are trained to fight have trouble stopping rapists, they just freeze up. If I could make one change I would make rape such a serious crime people are terrified of raping. Public castration without anesthesia might be a start. Maybe the victims can peel their dick like a banana. Fear is an extremely powerful motivator.

  • Probably because the term "rape" is used for everything from violent attack and forced intercourse, to simply looking at someone long enough to make them uncomfortable.

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