Sexual Relationships
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If pain or humiliation “turns a girl on” does that mean there is something deeply disturbed in her?

I don't really agree with that. For example, there are girls who have deep desires but didn't really know they had it until they experienced it or saw it, for example choking. Some say it's abuse (lolzzz) but I doubt it's that, when the movie 50 shades of Grey came out (I never watched it) but girls were going crazy over it, I doubt they all had a traumatic past or a disturbing experience, I believe it's just a deep desire that they have, which is to be dominated. Now I might be wrong, but it's just something I noticed...

I unfortunately read erotic books when I'm sad. And I noticed that books that start with things like "you're mine" possessive and really dominating sayings get millions of views, if you read wattpad you know what I'm talking about... 👀🤝

I think this is also why girls like bad boys, because of the masculine and dominating aura they possess.

Buttt I admit that this new "sexual awakening " is kind of scary because when you like things like face slapping, chocking, and bruises on your body, then how will you know if you're being abused?
I think it's better for a man to love and cherish your body instead of leaving marks on it.
Ok I'm done, this is too much for my little brain.
If pain or humiliation “turns a girl on” does that mean there is something deeply disturbed in her?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Yes and no. The degree matters and that trauma may not be what you think, it might not be obvious. For example just having a bad relationship with your father can cause women to act and behave in certain ways (increased promiscuity for example). Seems minor but does have a noticable impact.

    The other factor is biological tendencies, women tend towards submissiveness and males towards dominance. If for example, women are not feeling like men are as assertive as they need to be, that will more then likely cause women to become increasingly more extreme in their desires to submit. This is why I think the current society has women desiring ever more violent and degrading sexual acts (ones that do not align with biological imperatives (i. e. rape fantasies as one example which biologically is a poor reproductive strategy and not desirable in the slightest for women yet never the less currently 70% of women report having them)). So in our current society we have emasculated men to an extreme degree and have pushed women to take on more and more masculine roles. This may seem like a minor thing but in doing so it has disrupted women's mating strategies and the things that make them happier. With men being less likely to take initiative, being less assertive and more passive and more inclined to seek approval from women they now have an increased desire for dominance from men when it comes to sex. If this desire for strong men was fullfilled in them in what was previously normal and healthy way, I doubt the 50 shades of grey phenomenon would be as popular as it is because most women would not seek out those extremes (think of it like a hungry man, if your starving your desire for food is significantly greater then if you where not. In this case women are starving for strong assertive men that they can submit to (this is not to be confused with oppression. Women use to find the best man that they could trust to take care of them and protect them but this required them to submit to them i. e. trust them to make those decisions. Their agency still existed unlike how its portrayed now).

    • I agree

    • Thank you.

  • No, it doesn't.
    As it turns out, those who are part of the BDSM community are not only perfectly sane, they often enjoy even greater psychological well being than the average person.

    There are many ways in which extreme submission can be therapeutic- for example by allowing yourself to engage in your desires by giving up control to another person.
    Submission is freeing for many of those who practice it, it's incorrect to believe that the sub is simply being attracted to somehow being taken advantage of.

    That's the part that most people don't understand about d/s and s/m, that there is an essential aspect of trust in such relations.
    To be dominated doesn't mean that you want to be harmed, not at all.
    In fact, it's the opposite- the sub trusts their partner, they know that they will NOT be harmed, which is precisely the thing that allows them to give up control in the first place.

    How do you know you are not being abused?
    Because you have consented to it, you know it's not abuse, you trust that your partner won't actually harm you.
    If you do NOT feel safe, well that's a problem, and you probably shouldn't be doing that with that particular person.

    • Thank you for sharing your opinion 🕊❤

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 22

  • Sex is risky. Evolutionarily, physically, emotionally... The list goes on and on. My personal theory is that a lot of people have an attraction (to what degree varies, naturally) to behavior that would otherwise be considered abusive precisely BECAUSE it's done in such a controlled way; it's taking a risk and seeing that trust NOT be abused. Being able to truly relax around someone, because they've shown that they're not going to hurt you- the way a wolf who's lost a struggle for dominance will expose its throat to the winner, who refrains from killing the loser, thus proving that they're not going to.

    Couple that with the ability to stop resisting someone and just submit to them; to let your defenses down and simply be in the moment, and it's not hard to see why people would find it appealing.

  • Right the below is what I put for a question related to different fantasy.

    Our brains are a fucking nightmare.

    they take in sensory information, from all our sense.

    when we start taking in pleasure we release chemicals, endorphins etc.

    our brains are addicted to this shit.

    Physical pain, also produces similar shit, hence hot wax dropped on breast or other body parts will give the recipients a sexual high.

    the other area, is emotional and psyche, now this is a big scary area but it’s also a place where the brain really loves playing.

    simple examples are suggestion and anticipation.

    you can suggest to someone what is going to happen and their brain with start using the anticipation side of things to look for this rush, high, etc.

    I have done a lot of role play in real life and it’s simply strange what works, ( or does not work), a lot of it’s due to our brains living in the emotion of the role play and not the actual physical aspect.

    you can do some serious damage emotionally to someone, simply from how you influence their emotions and other brain type stuff.

    physical pain / pleasure is one thing, emotional pain / pleasure is another.

    so we know both pain and pleasure trips our brains out.

    the other sneaky thing, is fear, our brains flood everything when you hit its fear response, fight or flight is instantly engaged, but also we get loads of shit banging through our bodies along with that adrenaline boots. We are also getting other chemicals (dopamine) banging in to receptors.
    https://www.nm.org/healthbeat/healthy-tips/emotional-health/5-things-you-never-knew-about-fear

    link as I can’t be arsed typing a lot of stuff out.

    roller coasters being a good example

    This is why within BDSM, Trust and respect are so fucking important, you can scar someone for life or kill them or cause them to take their own Life, very easily.

    the psychology behind a lot of this stuff is interesting, and how the brain gets its fixes.

    as I said above TRUST is key to knowing you are not being abused, as is respect.

    apologies it does not fully cover it but it’s some basic information as to why.

    • Thank you for sharing your opinion 🕊

    • No problem there have been a run on similar themes lately.

  • I have learned in my life did I have me me different little kinks nothing full-blown. I have things that I want to experience so I understand it. That's why I like the internet because you can role-play something out and almost take yourself there or take the other person there so you get a better understanding of it. I have had girls asked me if it will play to humiliate then treat them bad I don't know what it is but there's just something inside of me did I can't do that I don't know how to do that. I have asked girls to teach me out tell me what to say but they can't do that I don't understand that part either. I don't think and somebody would be deeply Disturbed and liking something or wanting to try something like I said you have to experience it before you understand it

  • Pain is a strong feeling. Some people managed to pair that generally negative feeling with sexuality. Their submissiveness reached such summits that being hurt by the person they love or are attracted by is on par with being sexually taken.
    Something's quite surely wrong. Here's hoping they don't take their oddity outside the bedroom.

  • "How will you know if you're being abused?"

    It's abusive if he doesn't respect boundaries -- he does things you told him you don't like, or things you haven't told him you do like, or you tell him to stop and he doesn't.

    Mentally healthy people into S/M play spend a lot of time talking about it before they do it -- What do you like? What is a something you want to try but aren't sure about? What is a hard limit? If the bottom appears to be in distress, or just zoned out, they STOP.

  • Its just a kink. If that turns a girl on then their just really freaky. Me being domjnant and having my girl be submissive towards me is a huge turn on what u talked about is what im into doing. I just like being in control and being obeyed.

  • It can be genetic or cultural.
    And honestly? There nothing wrong with pain so long it feels good and you don't end up in ambulance.

  • Is that a "little brain"?
    OMG, for a 16 years old you're SO INTELLIGENT. I think you're going places.

    Anyway, for this subject. I don't deny that I like these kinks you're talking about as a guy. Surprisingly I understand it from girls, and I have read about the subject before.

    Although it's a very common fantasy with girls much more than it is with us.
    In surveys they repeated that "they like thinking/fantasising about it. BUT DON'T WANT TO EXPERIENCE IT". Why? 🤔
    Stay with me on this...

    And it is undeniably hot to the point that it is depicted in porn. But this is not something that you can attribute to the mind, or to society..! Okay.

    You seem very perceptive so let me teach you something valuable. The self is defined in three components.

    1- Mind. - This is your free will and what you decide to like or dislike.
    2- Society. - This is the people around you, and the culture you grew up in.
    3- Genes. - This is your DNA.

    And so if you look at it from an evolutionary perspective, the more females are prone to males' sexual desire, the more they are likely to pass their genes along the way. This is something you can observe from the animal kingdoms.

    Therefore the part of us that desire these kinks is from a very ABSENT SELF. It's in the genetic memory, so nothing to do with the aware parts of the self which are the mind and the society.

    And this is why we are so bothered with rapists and rape culture in general, not just that they destroy the victims life psychologically. But also it is because they're not in line with our evolutionary path. I think that we have been bread mostly for a very long time through consensual sex as a specy. One of the ways we're defining ourselves besides many other things.

    And therefore, these things are not to be taken as seriously as most of what sex is, and what's about it.

    Personally, even though I would like to do these kinks as a guy to a girl. And even if my partner says she is into that and requested that, I will still NOT do it, except for one condition.
    And that's her personality as to be funny, and adventurous, because this indicates a person's trust and tolerance to sexual experiences.

    Otherwise, eventually we will not like it, and we will regret it as it damages our relationship.

    I hope that's helpful.

    • Haha thank you! But I don't understand how sexual kinks have to do with genetics, I highly doubt my grandma or great grandma liked to get spanked/choked and slapped during sex 😅

    • You're welcome. there are more weird kinks than this actually lol some I'll never know.

  • Actually i will divide this in 2 types of girls.

    - messed up in mind and want this..
    - clear in mind and want this..

    Clear in mind want little stuff.. And it's enough for them to Cum..

    But girl messed up in mind want you to make them bleed..
    Break her bones... Just not kill her..
    Even passing out because of choking is acceptable to these girls..

  • I’m not sure you’re the expert you’ll have to tell me

    • Haha! I'm not an expert

    • I’m just kidding with you lol 😂

  • I voted "Yes.". Sorry; just my opinion.

  • some girls like slapping or pain during sex. i don't mind doing it if it's not too crazy

  • No, not necessarily

  • Nothing wrong with her at all...
    I get turned on by being spanked or whipped by a girl

  • Nope...

  • Well said 😄👍

  • all girls like it like that

  • I guess that's a kink like any other.

  • Nope.

    • Thanks for like!

    • You're welcome!

  • No absolutely not

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