My fiancé confessed that he is not interested in sex anymore. What can I do?

[Anonymous]

My fiancé and I discovered that we enjoy partly common but generally different things in sex.

Lately, he confessed that he doesn’t enjoy sex anymore and he couldn’t keep pretending and lying to each of us. Although he says that not enjoying the exact same things should not be a problem, one night when we were drunk we had a long conversation about the possible underlying reasons of his lack of interest in sex; he admitted that “Sex with his ex was perfect. Because they enjoyed the same things and had a harmony. But everything else sucked except for the sex and it was the only thing that kept them together”. He also has a big trauma about how it ended with his ex and we found out it is one of the reasons why he can’t enjoy anymore.

Whatsoever, I know that I should not feel guilty about not enjoying exactly the same things. But it seems like I cannot stop thinking about how could I change my sexual behaviors to make them fit his fantasies better... also the guilt... We really love each other. I’m so stuck. And scared. I don’t know what to do and there is a little time left to our wedding.

Anyone having a similar experience or any advices?

[PeacefulRainDrop]

If I were you id ask him to have his way with me... do whatever he wanted.. you might like it experiencing it and if you really love him what do you have to lose? A preference of how you like sex you might enjoy it.. if you dont enjoy it then id consider calling off the wedding cause I be scared of him cheating on me... you can't change yourself for a guy but trying something new for his benefit might end up benefiting both of you! Try different positions or do it in different areas not just the bed.. I dunno what to tell you girl! Guard your heart!

[Asker]

Thank you for sparing your time and giving advices 😊 I have been very open to new things and we have been trying variety of things/ places. It seemed like it worked for a while but all of a sudden he changed, and he later confessed that he lost his interest in sex since he broke up with his former girlfriend. Since we live together and spend almost all our time together I’m 100% sure there is no other woman. In fact, whenever I force him to talk about this he seems he feels so bad about me because he cannot satisfy me/ give me what I need anymore. Says that he is trying to solve it on his way... And keeps mentioning that it has nothing to do with me but with him. But still... I don’t know how to stop feeling guilty about this thing especially after hearing him saying the sex was perfect with his ex

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Maybe do more foreplay with him.. make his body shake before sticking it inside.. maybe walk around topless with just a thong on cleaning the house..

[Asker]

You cannot imagine how many fantasy costumes, sexy underwear and sex toys we have got... But it seems to be we both are doms... I thought that I was sort of a switch/ brat but he says I naturally act like a dom during sex and it confuses him. That’s the main reason why I force myself to act different... or feel guilty...

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Sometime push him down on the bed or couch and just undo his pants.. or if your standing kissing start kissing down his neck undo his pants start sucking his dick.. wiggle your tounge as your sucking.. deep throat it too try and touch your tounge to his stomach.. kiss his dick up the shaft.. then give a hand job and kiss abd lick his balls... he should have some precum on his dick take your tongue and lick it off and go mmm.. (my man always smiles at that) then go up and kiss suck nibble very gently on his nipples he will be wanting more might throw you on the bed and have his way with you... try encouraging him in bed like ohhh yes babe.. thats it right there.. harder.. that feels soo good I love you! Sometime while watching tv try kissing his ear and whisper I love you then kiss it more going down his neck too

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Dont force anything be natural.. he can probably sense your not enjoying it making him not enjoy it.. when he's taking a shower go join him in the shower if he's not in a hurry.. could always ask him to have his way with you

[Anonymous]

So you’re just supposed to change and play pretend? It’s not going to work. I know that’s not what you want to hear but it’s the truth.

[Asker]

I know I should not... But I love him so much and cannot let it go easily...

[Anonymous]

Don't get married. Seriously. Sure if you really want try to help him fix his problem but there's a high chance you will need to walk away.

[Asker]

I do want to stay and try to help him because I love him. But I don’t know if it will work or will we be upset the rest of our lives

[Iron_Man]

It’s over don’t marry this guy cause he’ll find sex somewhere else and the whole wedding will be a disaster the marriage

[Asker]

But the thing is that he lost his interest in sex at all after having a traumatic break up with his ex. He says he always felt it but did not want to confess himself that he didn’t enjoy sex anymore (with me and with the other women inbetween me and the traumatic ex). I just want to believe that it can be fixed by some support... we purely love each other and do not want to break up

[Iron_Man]

So your sex life has been bad the whole time? How long has this been going on? Wag too much of a red flag I wouldn’t go through with the wedding like that you’ll be heartbroken

[Iron_Man]

Way...

[Asker]

We have been together for a year. Tbh, especially at the beginning sex was amazing at least for me... I started to feel the change starting from last month... things got unpleasant and he started to lose his boner even during penetration and started to reject me very often. In the end he had to confess he never wanted to have sex again because it didn’t make him feel good anymore.

[Asker]

Consciously I’m aware of the red flags... But I love him and I’m seeking for a way to make this work and/or fix his problem... I feel pathetic

[Iron_Man]

No sorry but that's not coming from his x girlfriend if so it would have always been bad your sex life. That's just a big time excuse for him to make. It's been a year already and now he blames her? Do not marry this man or you'll end up in divorce within 6 months

[Paolaa988]

Dont marry him if you guys dont think you'll be compatible in that aspect.

[Paolaa988]

Its good tho at least you know now rather than later after you guys married to find out you're not sexually compatible. Thats why sex before marriage is better

[Asker]

I definitely agree with you. What makes me confused is that him saying he lost all his taste and it has nothing to with me but with him and his trauma. I wanna believe that we can solve this problem but on the other hand I feel scared and guilty about not “perfectly” matching in bed

[In_Trance]

You put up with it or you move on

[Kowoagete]

Do not marry him, you'll be unhappy. Or marry him and open the relationship so you can fuck other guys

[Asker]

This was one of the options we put on the table tbh. But I cannot see that happening. Never thought I could be sleeping with other guys when I’m in love with someone. But sex is our primary need and... don’t know...

[Anonymous]

Sounds like his issues are psychological. He’s carrying baggage from the prior relationship and allowing it to effect your relationship. It’s manifesting in a lack of desire for or fear of intimacy. Honestly, this isn’t something you can fix alone. Push him to seek out a therapist who specializes in sex therapy. You mentioned a wedding? Put that off until you know for sure this relationship is even salvageable. If you love him and want to stay, then get him to seek professional help. If he is agreeable, then speak to his therapist about what role you can have in helping him. That’s about the best advice I can offer.

[Asker]

This was the most rational answer I got so far I think. Thank you for your advice. We’ve talked about him seeing a professional therapist and he agrees but as a last option to do. He wants to try his own way to fix this first.. I think I will just let him try for a while and postpone the wedding.

[Opinion Owner]

You’re very welcome. That’s smart to wait. This situation needs to be resolved before moving the relationship forward and even thinking about a wedding. If you’re supportive and patient, he may come around. I still think a therapist would be the most effective path to fixing this but you don’t really have a choice but to let him travel his own path. I hope it works out for you both.

[Anonymous]

How long have you both been together now?

[Asker]

For a year

[Opinion Owner]

Sounds like you got engaged quite early

[Anonymous]

Nothing to worry about, just need another fiancé. He basically confessed he's no longer sexually interested in you

[Anonymous]

maybe call off the engagement