I found out my boyfriend has a secret tik tok account that he uses to follow and watch sexy girls half naked shaking their ass & boobs, what do I do?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend used to have sexy girls shaking their ass or boobs on his tik tok and I realised he’s seeing them because of the algorithm. I began by just teasing him about this. On the inside it really bothered me but I thought I was overreacting if I asked him to stop. My friends convinced me to tell him how it made me feel. We had a serious conversation about it and he agreed and promised me he would stop as he said if it was the other way around he would be extremely bothered by it. A month later, I checked his liked videos on tik tok out of curiosity to see if he really stopped. He hadn’t. I got extremely upset, mostly because he broke his promise to me and to me it felt like he was putting these girls ahead of my feelings. We had one of our biggest fights because there was a certain element of trust lost between us. He apologised profusely and promised me again that he would stop for good this time. I checked his tik tok 3 months later, he was logged into a different account, I immediately got suspicious. Every single liked video was of half naked girls, every person he followed were sexy girls. He also liked 4 videos while I had been with him as I could see the videos were only posted a day ago. I showed him the account in a fit of tears. He said he uses it as porn sometimes but he also told me the videos from one day ago he liked while he was in work, people don’t watch porn in work so I don’t believe that. Since then he has been more honest about it and says he doesn’t know why he did it or how he didn’t think of how wrong it was. He’s apologised loads and has said everything he can say. I love him and would never want to end it with him over this but the dishonesty of hiding a secret account from me really hurt me. I know the only way I can trust him again is with time but this has happened more than once now.
What would you do if you were in my shoes?

[iluvtoknow]

Every single person on this planet is different. There are trends, but everyone is variable and has slightly different needs. If this bothers you, then that's all that matters. It needs to be addressed, and you're not unjustified in feeling that way. You say he's repeatedly lied to you. That's a bad sign. It doesn't mean he's a bad person or you should dump him, but it means that these events have normalized this behavior, and that's dangerous if you guys don't figure it out.

If I were in your shoes, I'd be pretty upset too. Watching half-naked girls all the time when I'm in a relationship doesn't seem all that moral to me, and there are lots of people whom I'm sure would agree with me. But back to the problem, you just need to talk to him some more.

You know him. I don't. Does he understand why it bothers you? That is, does he understand why it's a problem, not just that it is a problem? That would help. Social media and omnipresent pornography these days is very addictive and those habits are really difficult to break. He may be feeling really bad and needs some support from you to get over it.

Or perhaps he genuinely doesn't respect you and he's the type of guy who is fine with doing this stuff so long as you don't know about it. The type of guy who in another scenario might even cheat on you. Do you trust him? Do you have reason to trust him? Only you know. Think rationally and draw conclusions. But most importantly, talk to him.

If a person understands why they need to stop doing things and is being supported in getting over what problems they may have, the rest is on them. If they can't deliver at that point, they aren't worth your time because they'll bring you down for the rest of your life and it's not worth it. But if they care, they will try and succeed.

And ultimately, they'll need to understand that they shouldn't be lying to you at all, and that honesty is key to any relationship. But if it's not repeated and constant, perhaps there's some room for forgiveness there when we're young and immature.

Make the calls. Figure out what you need. Communicate. Be decisive. Good luck.

[OlderAndWiser]

Will you ever trust this guy enough to want to spend the rest of your life with him and have him serve as the role model for your future sons?

[Angela_S]

So your boyfriend likes looking at sexy girls. I'd be more worried if he didn't! As long as he treats you well, respects you, and is only looking and not contacting any other women. I do understand about the breaking of the promise thing though, but relationships are all about being honest. My boyfriend makes no secret of the fact he finds other women pretty or sexy. I mean he doesn't openly open ogle other women, but it's pretty clear when he finds a sexy TV presenter, or female singer, or actress or whatever attractive. It doesn't bother me really, and sometimes it's quite funny. We have a rule which we agreed pretty early on in the relationship, and that is, I will only get rid of any hard-on that I've caused. lol

[Agape93]

Get over it, frankly. That’s not even porn level yet. He’s entitled to watch what he likes long as it’s legal.

[Asker]

He’s allowed to watch porn when I’m not around and I don’t mind it because they are actors and not as personal. The tik tok are different, some of them only have a few hundred followers and they’re just normal girls

[Agape93]

He can watch it whenever he damn well wants. It’s not up to you to decide when a grown ass man watches something.

[Asker]

It certainly is if I’m dating this grown ass man and he’s keeping secrets from me.

[Agape93]

No it isn’t. He’s an adult and entitled to live his life how he deems fit. It is NOT your place to control another person like that. That’s controlling bullshit and I wouldn’t blame him in the least if he left you because of it.

[Snickers_5171]

Just because it's legal does not mean it's morally right. You should vow loyalty to your SO and only to your SO

[Agape93]

1. Dude this shit is over a year old. 2. If thats what you want, cool. But not everyone shares your sensibilities or reasons. 3. Fuck off.

[In_Trance]

wdym what do you do? you do nothing

[discobutterfly]

My boyfriend openly has a TikTok account. Follows who he wants even if there are some pretty girls…He even follows me which says that he doesn’t care to hide all that. I used to get really mad and jealous, but guys literally look and move on and sometimes it’s made out to be bigger than it actually is.

[Anonymous]

Dump him.

[Anonymous]

You should fuck his bestfriend or brother. If you're less adventurous, just open the TV and put a video of a hot actor or singer (Not porn!) and start masturbating to it in front of him while saying how hot that singer is (eg Harry Styles). Give him a taste of his own medicine.

[iluvtoknow]

Uhhh, I think there might be a false equivalency there...

[Snickers_5171]

No, there's really no false equivalency