What would you do if your partner said this?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over 2 years in which a lot of minor sexual conflicts happened. One of those is returning the favor after I go down on him. At first, he was hesitant/unsure about it since he’s never done it before and I didn’t want to force him into it. (Also, side note, I maintain good hygiene down there as well but sometimes because of my hormones my smell/taste will obviously be stronger than normal during different times of the month)

But, after some time, he came to the conclusion himself that he should do oral since I do it for him and began to do it. Long story short, it was fun while it lasted lol because I guess he didn’t understand different flavors during different times of the month concept and he told me today “I don’t like it when you’re stronger smelling/tasting down there but I didn’t want to tell you.” Now, I feel like a piece of shit unnecessarily because he could’ve simply told me and I’m not sure on what to do. I don’t want to end the relationship over something like this because it’s not a real big deal but at the same time it is? What do you guys think? I just feel bad about it and I hate the fact I won’t get oral anymore over something I can’t really control sometimes.

[NamerOfStars]

Pin down the problem, then see if I can find a solution (ideally, if WE can find a solution, but I'm more thorough than all the women I've dated, and they tend to give up faster). So what to do here? Well, it sounds like you weren't pressuring him, and his decision to reciprocate was his own. So far so good; the line between "not nagging" and "not getting your needs met" doesn't have just one right way; you need to work out what works for your relationship.

If hygiene's not the issue, what else can you do? Research time! I've read that making some dietary changes can affect semen flavor, might there be something similar here? I don't know any specific sources of where you'd begin looking, but I'm sure you're not the only person to have this issue, and others may have found specific solutions that you could try. If he's willing to make the effort, a bit of experimentation could help you work out something that'd satisfy you both.

It's important to remember that there's a difference between "I've got some problems with doing that" and "I refuse to do that". It can be hard to tell them apart sometimes, but a healthy dose of creativity, enthusiasm, and resourcefulness can turn a potentially relationship-ending problem into just another bump in the road.

[Asker]

I do have a healthy diet, I think that it’s just the iud affecting my hormones which in turn affects the taste/smell of it. I always satisfy him though regardless how he tastes/smells because I enjoy seeing it.

[summiter]

He could have definitely stated his likes/dislikes a lot better. I think it is ok to talk about sex openly with him and tell him how much oral is important to you! Maybe stick with giving him handjobs until he gets the message?
How is the sex with him otherwise? Do you orgasm from sex with him or just from oral?

[loves2learn]

That would be very disappointing. Maybe just try talking to him about it. Is there a certain time of the month you can pinpoint that he wouldn’t like the taste? Also he’s being pretty picky. Most guys don’t distinguish taste from one day to another and it’s kinda mean he told you. I don’t know.
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Do you have conflicts a lot? Might be time to move on.

[Asker]

Well I’m not sure what time of the month exactly because I’m on the hormonal iud birth control as well and that has a huge influence on taste which I didn’t know before getting. But eh this is the main conflict right now.

[loves2learn]

Get the IUD removed. Get another form. We never had issues when I took Ortho-cyclen

[Asker]

See I was in the patches before iud and didn’t have this problem on the patches. My boyfriend preferred me getting on iud so it can eliminate any chance of pregnancy.

[loves2learn]

Patches are perfectly acceptable too. I took “the pill” for 10 years, had sex without a condom for 9 and never got pregnant.

[Asker]

He doesn’t want to wear a condom either, he wants to finish in me. So there’s that.

[loves2learn]

Well he can’t have his cake and eat it too. He’s acting like an asshole.

[loves2learn]

Lol. Can’t have vagina without eating it. 🤣

[Asker]

Sigh that’s what I explained to him before like especially with the birth control change but yeah I honestly told him to go find someone else then

[loves2learn]

@asker you can do better than him. 💖

[OlderAndWiser]

Based on your expectations and desires, how should he have reacted?

[Asker]

Well we promised each other that if we didn’t want to a sexual act, whatever it was, to inform each other so we could stop or do something else to prevent lack of consent/“forcing”. So I was expecting him to tell me then as he was doing it a “hey it smells different so let’s do something else since I’m not comfortable.”

[OlderAndWiser]

So he made himself do something because he wanted to please you and you are seeing that in a negative light? Aren't you finding the black lining in a silver cloud?

[TheBigGuy9]

Never had a problem with smell on my gfs. Their has to be something going on that does that. You talk to the r gyno or doctor about it?

[Pterodon]

Dump him

[Asker]

Why you say this?

[Pterodon]

He’s selfish and you’re not sexually compatible

[Asker]

That’s true, thanks for pointing it out.

[loves2learn]

This is true

[2021biguy]

I've never heard of changes like that, but try to work it out or figure out why there are changes like that.

[Narcotics]

Does it smell that bad!

[Asker]

I mean I don’t think so? If it did, I would’ve smelt it and done something about it like clean it again but I already use vaginal washes in the shower almost everyday.

[Narcotics]

I really don't know what vaginas smell (i'm starting to worry lol) Anyways Dump him because he is not worth it. Find a man who would beg you to make him go down on you.

[loves2learn]

Don’t over wash your vagina. That can throw off the ph.

[Narcotics]

I heard about that too but she said vaginal wash so i guess it wouldn't play with the PH level!

[loves2learn]

It does though. Vaginas are self cleaning with water.

[Asker]

Yeah I use special washes that aren’t supposed to affect the pH but even then I don’t use it everyday, like every other day so it has enough time to balance itself.

[Narcotics]

I see, i just hope i won't go through this when i get married someday. I have a sensitive nose and i like to smell things lol

[Asker]

It just depends on birth control method, diet, exercise, hormone levels, etc that could affect smell. So, if you don’t mind the variance of smells, then you should be fine lol. I know for me I mainly have 1 smell that’s stronger or weaker throughout the week

[Narcotics]

All i know is that it's normal to smell, don't feel bad. He's just a jerk.

[Asker]

Thanks, I did almost cry about it earlier lol. Just unfair

[loves2learn]

I’m sorry he made you want to cry. It’s a vulnerable place and hard to hear those things. I think you can do better than him.