How to think of sex as a normal thing?

Question

Hello, this is actually a really important topic for me so please be kind but don't just answer to answer. I have raised in a family where people think being sexually active is a normal and a healthy thing as long as you're ready for it and happy with it. However I believe that even though we weren't raised that way, with taboos about a specific topic like sex, we can still have taboos that we aren't even aware of. I believe that I'm not totally okay with having sex, I can't think of anything that comes to my mind about why. I started having sex for the first time in my life, almost 3 months ago with my boyfriend who I really trust and feel so comfortable with. I thought I'd be so much more stressed on our first day but it was quite the opposite even though the first experience was pretty funny and awkward. I heard that you need to clear your mind to have a good sex and be mindful at that moment. I can't remember a time where I was only thinking about sex while having sex. I don't even know how to describe it though. It's like my mind and my body are not aware that I'm having sex. I haven't experienced orgasm for once during sex but I heard that lot of woman don't experience orgasm during penetration.

Even though I don't think jumping into an another topic makes sense, I thought they may be connected. I believe that my pelvic floor is tight that's why I experience pain for like the first five minutes of sex but then everything turns back to normal, or I guess it does. Having problems like these are said that usually is because you're not comfortable with the idea of having sex and It's usually psychological. There's a thing called vaginismus but neither the internet nor I am could able to diagnose it in a proper way cause I'm not a doctor. However I'm 19 and I don't want to go to a gynecologist or at least I want to try to work things out by myself first to see sex as a normal thing that humans could experience without thinking about norms and taboos. THANK YOU!

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

well about the problem you have with the first five minutes, it's mostly because your body is not turned enough, the vagina gets bigger only when the body is ready to have sex, and based on what you wrote I don't think you spend enough time for your body to get turned on
next time when you and your boyfriend want sex make it a big deal in your mind and think of it as a secret treasure, spend time getting the room ready, take a shower, dress up with the hottest dress you have, and lay down for your boyfriend to come in then start with foreplay till you feel your heart pumping blood like a generator (by foreplay I mean a full naked body and pussy massage, oral, and doing hot things)
focus only on the pleasure even if it's a little, let your body feel the most
when you got turned on start your vaginal sex and if he came in the middle of all this go back to foreplay and let him keep you turned on until he's ready again

after all, this, if you didn't felt any sort of pleasure try my last suggestion
every day get naked for a certain hour and play with yourself, buy toys, and try multiple positions and do anything you think is gonna turn you on

In the end, if none of these work you can experience orgasm in other ways, there are multiple orgasms you can get from playing with other parts of your body, and I'm sure at least one of them will work on your body
I leave a link to a site about this subject, read it in your free time
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/orgasms_b_8001144
www.health.com/.../different-types-of-orgasms-0

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

Does it arouse you to kiss and make out with your boyfriend? You aren't going to enjoy sex unless you are aroused, and not just physically aroused, but also mentally/emotionally aroused. With women especially, sex is VERY mental/emotional, and if your brain and body feel disconnected, that's a problem, but one that can almost certainly be overcome.

If making out with him is arousing to you, then you need to start from there, and slowly transition from making out to sex - which means HE needs to be on-board with the idea too. You need to tell him what turns you on, so he can do those things.

Making out? Deep kissing? Kissing your neck? Pulling your hair? Squeezing your tits? Licking/sucking your nipples? Receiving oral sex? Several of these at once?

Figure out the things that really turn you on, so he can focus a lot on those things, and let him work up your state of arousal from "normal" to "oh my god I've never felt like this before", and THEN he should penetrate you - when your mind is already so aroused that you barely remember your own name. Sex will become a whole different experience for you...

ohshee · Answer

When you're with somebody that you enjoy that you like a lot, you have an energy flow between you and them I could get in really really deep here but I'm not going to we are made of water and and atoms. Atoms broke down equals energy everything on this planet that is living has energy everything on this planet it is a life vibrate vibration is energy the way we communicate music meet texting you this message right now it's all done with energy when you're with somebody and let's say you slowly is their lips as your lips touch and your bottom lip goes up to their top lip it kind of looks it up a little bit and it slowly down their cheek tender chin to their neck there is an energy that is felt it's one of the most beautiful feelings in this world is every touch you should feel that energy and he is feeling your energy back when I make love I make it all about the girl because I want to give her my energy I want to feel her energy in return and I want to take her to that highest peak of orgasm after orgasm if you can't feel energy from the guy you're with you either need to figure out how to do it find somebody that you can fill it with because I guarantee it the day that you feel that energy will be that day that you will have the best orgasms ever sex is not a normal thing sex is whatever you make it but you have to have that Bond but you don't have to this is better if you do and if you can feel energy didn't that also means that you can give energy

2021biguy · Answer

Maybe you can try to buy a small vibrator to help you learn more about your body to help you feel better, that should work and I think if you try that it will help you so much.